An early May Day present

For once there is good news in the apartment drama saga: After telling us we would get no additional furniture allowance the university is giving us $800 each.

Many of my colleagues submitted reasons why we should get extra money like, "I bought a small refrigerator for the small apartment. Now I have to buy a second refrigerator."

I said, "Let's call it what it is. We deserved to get some payment for being placed in a small, crappy apartment." Either way, after telling us December that we'd get money they told us a month ago we wouldn't. It's safe to say today's news was a surprise.

A nice, pleasant surprise.

Self evaluation

My annual self evaluation was due today. I believe in being honest in my self evaluations. I expected problems teaching classes with a limited English vocabulary... but that transition went smoothly. What I didn't expect is that I'd have a problem with my tests. I could have written, "I had no idea the males would be gold medal cheaters."

I decided to be more diplomatic: "I was woefully unprepared for the innovative techniques students would employ to copy from each other."

In hidden text I added, "Little fuckers."

Gee, I hope this is funny

Apparently, Letterman made fun of our Lt. Governor last night. Here's the link. The video is blocked in this country. Perhaps even talking about pigs is forbidden...

Facebook has jumped the shark

Facebook has tons of little applications to keep people occupied. "Click here to send a virtual potted plant and help save the rainforest." Or, "John wants you to join his gang on mafia wars."

A couple of months back lists became all the rage. "25 Random things you probably don't know about me" was the most popular. Like knowing you are about to see a car wreck I was drawn to reading my friends' 25 things. Some were so painfully lame I considered sending a sympathy card.

Or maybe a polite message like, "I'm deleting you as a FaceBook friend because you've finally proven what I've always suspected: You're boring."

The lists grew shorter: List the Top 5 worse people in history, Top 5 movies, Top 5 TV shows, etc.

Today, however, the Top 5 list hit an ultimate jump-the-shark low: 5 Things in my shower right now.

I have no idea what items you have in your bathroom and I don't care. If I'm visiting your place and happen to care I'll snoop around and find your Viagra stash... because that's much more interesting than reading a friend uses Pureology Nano Shampoo. (I didn't make that up...)

Specter switch with Iowa implications

I read on FirstRead yesterday that Specter outranks Senator Harkin on an Appropriations subcommittee. Harkin is currently the chair and uses his clout to help bring home the bacon - like the grant to ISU to study hog effluent. If he loses this post it will be a loss to Iowa. The reports say that no committee changes will be made during this congress. I'm fairly certain Harkin won't give it up without a fight.

Yes, I look for any excuse to mention hog effluent.

Officially the worse recession in 62 years

Back from Hafeet and I looked up the government stats. They only started keeping quarterly data in the 1940's, but, yep, it is official: Back-to-back quarters of 6% declines is the worse performance since 1946. (The US government cut spending way back once WWII was over and all of those troops coming home were looking for a job.)

I wonder why this is not headline news. Even the stories I've found about the numbers don't explain how bad they are in historical terms. We all knew this was the worse recession in generations, but this is the first statistical proof. You'd think that would make headlines.

Officially the worse recession since the great depression

I'm looking for the stats to prove it 100%, but I'm willing to be money that two quarters in a row 6%+ declines in GDP is the worse recession in my lifetime, probably the worse since the 1930's.

The most discouraging piece of news is that the hope that we had turned the corner was premature.

Have a great day!

****
I'm off to the top of Hafeet to celebrate our college being renewed for accreditation. Unfortunately, I am dead tired (with emphasis on the dead). I have no choice but to suck down a large coffee... which means I won't get to sleep tonight.

And the cycle continues.

End of the Specter watch

On March 10th I wrote that Arlen Specter of Pennsylvania had two choices: Not run for reelection or switch to the Democratic Party. Today he announced the switch. You can read a summation of the punditry from the PoliticalWire.

Poor Olympia Snowe of Maine said of her Republican Party:
"We're heading to having the smallest political tent in history, the way things are unfolding."

Just think, five years ago Karl Rove was talking about the Republican Party becoming the permanent majority party. In my wildest Democratic dreams I could have never predicted their party would fall this hard this fast.

Now primary politics are an issue. Will the Republicans nominate absolutely unelectable Pat Toomey now that Specter's out? If they do that will energize Democrats to nominate a real Democrat (not Specter).

My next prediction is that Obama will send signals that he'd like Specter to be welcomed into the Democratic fold and not challenged in a primary. It will be fun to see how this plays out.

Religion and pyramid marketing schemes

Raise your hand if you been suckered into going to a Quixtar meeting. If the name is not familiar to you the old name may be: Amway.

I have both hands up.

They spread the true believers around the room. I had the misfortune of sitting next to one. He'd clap and cheer. It had the feel of a religious ceremony and as it turns out, it basically is a religious ceremony. They don't tell you upfront that they are Bible beaters but once you get sucked in you learn all about it.

The idea is that rather than buying from Wal-mart you buy everything - from toilet paper to ketchup - from Quixtar. "You can shop in your underwear! And the best part is every month Quixtar sends you a check!"

Now, before you sign up there are a few problems. The toilet paper is like sand paper and the ketchup is worse than any generic you'll find. (That's from two people who broke away from the cult.)

You also don't save any money. As for the checks, you only get money if you can get others to sign up under you. Convince your friends that they should eat nasty ketchup. And here's the great kicker: If a friend or family member refuses to sign up you are told to break the connection. After all, they are slowing you down. A friend of mine lost his best friend to Quixtar. His best friend was the male slut of Coe and now he's married with children and carrying the Bible to Quixtar revival meetings.

Strange world.

Anyhow, I wrote all of this because yet another Bible beater is trying to recruit for a pyramid called 5linx. I've never heard of it.

My question of the day: Why does "multi-level marketing" and religion go together?

Joys of blogging

I love seeing that "For the love of bacon" obviously got passed around an office. (A bunch of hits went to that post from one source.) Were they saying, "What a nut to put on clothes and drive back to his old home to find bacon"? or were they saying, "Yeah, man, I love bacon that much, too!"

Swine flu

Oh, for the record, this has been freaking me out. I'm paranoid enough to wonder if air travel will be halted. There's simply no parallel to this event. Something that happened in 1918 doesn't count in today's inter-connected world.

I want to believe this will end the way SARS and bird flu did - a distant memory that we think, "Oh, yeah, that inconvenienced a few people but was not a big deal." Something tells me this is not the same. I hope I'm wrong.

Guys are guys the world over

An attractive younger woman came to teach here. She had classes of 25 males that suddenly blossomed to 50. She may be a good teacher. She may be a bad teacher. It doesn't matter in a country where the guys have so little contact with women.

You can't always get what you want...

... but if you try real hard you just might find you get what you need.

In my case, this might be a good thing.

I have requested a teaching post for the summer. I may still get one but the odds are growing dim. I have even applied for a summer program working with area HS students. Why? Well, I'd like the money and I can't imagine a summer off. (Last summer doesn't count... for many reasons.)

With each passing day I question the wisdom of working in the summer in the Emirates. It is getting hotter and hotter. One of my students said it topped 50 Celsius yesterday. That's 122 to you and me. I said, "Come on, the official temperature wasn't that high."

My students basically laughed at me. It is universally accepted that the "official" temperatures are all lies. Why? My students reasons were, 1. To make the country look better than it is and, 2. If it really hit 50 they'd have to stop the laborers from working. At 50 work must be suspended so it never "officially" hits 50.

Wow.

Also, my students said in June and July it is not safe to travel on the highway to Dubai/Abu Dhabi from 1-3 in the afternoon. Why? The asphalt is so hot it makes tires explode. These were not the bullshitting students. Can tires really explode because of a hot road?

2012 Comet

I've recently engaged a friend who believes the end of the world is likely near. I'm not very confident. Is it possible that we will fry the planet over the next 100 years, but many will still be alive. (That's cheery.) I simply don't believe anything short of an asteroid is going to end all life.

Well, I guess I should have watched what I asked for. Apparently a comet is on it's way. I wonder if Prince will release a new single, "Party like it's 2011."

Rivotril (aka clonazepam)

A friend here says she and another colleague take this drug as a sleep aid. I'm hesitant to take anti-seizure medicine as a sleep aid. Anybody have insight on this one?

I've recently tried melatonin twice with no luck. I like the idea of melatonin... use the same hormone your body releases to make you sleepy. After taking it at 10 and still being awake at 2, I had to admit it just wasn't working!

Update: Ironically, a Facebook friend posted this on my wall. A guy is concerned because he took ambien in the morning, did many chores, apparently got in the car and drove to a woman's house and had sex with her. That evening he had no memories of the chores or the sex but had text messages from the woman. Now he's scared his wife will find out.

Sadly, I have to say this is plausible. Many times I have woke from the night of taking ambien to find all of my furniture rearranged, dishes done (woo hoo) and once I had even steam cleaned my carpet... not to mention losing my phone in a sack of unwanted ties in a corner of my closet.

Ambien is that powerful. Amnesia and doing strange things go hand-in-hand with this drug. That's why I wanted to know if Rivotril is a decent substitute.

Son tries to kill dad

There has to be simpler ways to kill your father than to hit him over the head with a block of wood and cutting the pacemaker out of his chest with a pocket knife.

Seriously - although I haven't given it much thought - there has to be easier ways.

Disturbing and more disturbing

Here's disturbing.

Here's more disturbing. (Wait to hear the bones cracking at the end of this abbreviated tape.)

And the US response to be expected - the US government will not comment. I was discussing this with fellow Americans tonight. How could Clinton comment on a UAE national torturing someone from another country? This wasn't the UAE government doing it. It was an individual... who, yes, will not be prosecuted... much like the US officials who tortured will not be prosecuted. The US has lost all credibility on lecturing the world on torture.

Thank you, W.

Life in slow motion

I occasionally have those dreams where I am running behind and it is like my feet are stuck in molasses. There's no way I can get done what needs to be done on time. I believe that's a fairly common dream and I was once told it is a sign of insecurity.

Well, I'm not having those dreams now... it's my life. Hours fly by and I say, "Huh? How is it possibly 9:30." Assuming alien abductions are not the cause, I'm not sure how or why this happening.

Discombobulated

Moving is not fun. Last night was my first good night's sleep in a week. I moved my bed to the large hallway and shut the doors to all of the rooms. With no curtains it was my only option for getting a good night's sleep.

How your children will get the news

News shows are too boring so let’s give them a beat we can dance to:

Courtesy: Andrew Sullivan

Getting played

This morning the Coke fridge and other furniture was picked up and delivered.

The truck owner very clearly didn't want me to pay him while his two workers were there. Why? I assume it's 'cause he knew I'd over pay and he didn't want to share. So he left with a promise to return after prayers to hang the curtains. Prayers are done 1. He came at 5:30 to say he had no workers since today is their day off. (I realize how little sense this makes... but it's what I expected.)

He asked for payment for the move. All afternoon I psyched myself up: I will not over pay. I will not over pay. "How much do you want?" I asked.

"You tell me, boss," he replied.

All the prepping and psyching up went out the window. I handed him just over a $100 thinking, "That's what I'd have paid to have this stuff moved in Iowa."

D'oh!

My reasoning has proved dumb many times. This one takes the cake. Imagine going to a hotel in Cedar Rapids and saying, "I'd pay at least $400 for this hotel in New York so that's what I'll pay you."

That guy had to have a big grin on his face as he drove away.

It's 2AM and I can't sleep

That's not unusual for me. The problem for me for the past several days has been that the 3 and 4AM bedtimes have been coupled with 6 and 7AM wake up times.

Tonight, however, my insomnia is completely justified. I have to be up at 7. The reason I have to be up at 7 is why I can't sleep: I'm picking up the Coke fridge.

Quote of the day – Hillary Clinton

Republicans are outraged that Obama shook hands with Hugo Chavez.  How dare he!?!  Never mind that their revered leader shook hands with Gorbachev at the height of the cold war.  Shaking hands with someone doesn’t mean your friends or even like the other person.  I wrote about it on my 400th post. 

Secretary of State Clinton took a question on Obama’s actions.  In the course of her response she said,

“President Obama won the election.  He beat me in a primary where he put forth a different approach.”

It’s not a ringing endorsement of Obama’s strategy but Hillary did a good job of putting the congressman in his place.  You can watch the entire exchange here:

Credit to Greg Linnell, one of my former students, for bringing the video to my attention.

Outside links

Congratulations! You are reading the 1,460,494th most popular blog. I have no idea how they make that ranking. I was sure I was in the top 1.2 million.

Every website wants to be the first listing on a google search. Companies pay thousands of dollars to be the first link when someone googles "hotels in New York City."

Well, I didn't pay anything and I have a number one. Anyone who types in "hog effluent" will see this blog post in the top spot.

I'm so proud. I may not be in the top million blogs but I'm number one in hog shit.

Maslow's hierarchy

Maslow says we are constantly trying to satisfy our next need. We can't worry about safety if we are starving. (That's why a monkey will go to a water hole even knowing there's a chance he'll be eaten by an alligator.) Once food, shelter, and safety are taken care of then we can worry about having friends.

I wonder how this fits on Maslow: I stayed in a terrible apartment because I did not want part with the internet. Once I knew I was moving I visited the cable office daily. If I've learned anything in this country it's that you have to be a pain in the ass to get others to help.

It was installed late today after a ridiculous run around.

*****
Actually, this entire week has been one ridiculous run around after another. If all goes right tomorrow I'll have the Coke fridge and some used furniture I bought delivered. On Tuesday morning I was on the verge of tears. It's amazing, sometimes, how things can turn around.

Hmm. Like the entire year 2008 for me.

420

An apology to my stoner readers. I can't believe I missed commenting on your holy day on Monday. There's a way in blogger that I could add a post and make it look like I added it on Monday. I considered it because, wow dude, I could always say it was there all the time and you missed it.

*******
For the rest of you: Bill Maher once made a 420 joke on his show. A few people laughed. Bill said, "Mom's and Dad's watching the show... if you kid just laughed he's a stoner."

I have no idea how 420 started but its a joke to get high at 4:20 in the afternoon and celebrate 4-20 as the pot holiday. I had students at Hamilton tell me they couldn't attend class because they were celebrating 4-20.

For the love of bacon

It’s midnight… I have had 8 hours of sleep in three days. I’m lying in bed trying to go to sleep. I rise with a start: I left the bacon out. Before they moved the fridge I took two pounds of bacon out of the freezer. I must have left it on the counter at the old place.

I get out of bed, put on clothes and drive back to the old place. It’s not just that bacon is $9/pound… it’s that for two months it was not available for any price.

I wish I could report that I found the bacon on the counter. Nope. I must have packed it. I drive back and spend the next hour searching through boxes. No bacon. I gave up hope. I started unpacking clothes and as I opened a suitcase I found the bacon.

“Oh that’s right,” I thought. “I put the bacon in the suitcase so I wouldn’t forget it.”

Jerk of the day award

I was moved by a guy who owned a truck and 4 Bangladeshi laborers. The guy who owned the truck was the classic owner-of-capital lazy pig: He never helped move a thing and at one point two guys moving the stove had to stop because the power cord was dangling. The truck driver was standing next to them. He could have bent down, picked it up and hand it to one of them. He didn’t. He let them put the stove down, grab the cord and start over again.

His “prick” status secure, I took the workers aside and paid them a tip and pointed down to the driver and shook my head “No”. They laughed.

As we came to the new place with the second load he ordered the workers to unload everything on the street. They complied and he drove the truck away.

I live in the boonies.

The workers carried everything up to my apartment. I tipped them again and they walked out. I said, “I will take you home” but, of course, they had no idea what I was saying. After an overdue trip to the bathroom, I went to my car and drove down the street to pick them up.

I took them to the part of town where the laborers live and they gave me directions to their home. It was 12 miles.

TWELVE MILES. They were planning to walk that far. They have no income for a cab and I’m so far out the nearest bus stop is several miles away.

I wish I could find that truck driver. I haven’t wanted to spit on somebody this bad in a long time.

How the move happened

I was able to move on Tuesday after all.

I went to the HR office and camped out until I could see the guy in charge of moving us. I said, “Everything I own in this country is in boxes. I cannot cancel my classes tomorrow.” He suggested I go to Saniya (the laborers’ section of town) and find workers to move me. He said I need to get workers who have letterhead and the university will reimburse up to $80.

Umm, yeah. Let me put this in perspective: Imagine you were told to go to the heart of Mexico City to recruit workers… and if you want reimbursed the workers have to come with a company letterhead.

I laughed. (This is the same guy who used Lehman Brothers as an excuse earlier.) I’m not sure if he realized, “Oh, white American who only speaks English probably won’t be successful” or if he realized I was simply not leaving his office until I got moved.

Either way he called somebody I’ll call “gigalo” on account of the Rico Suave glasses and clothes. Gigalo was ordered to go to head to Saniya and recruit for me.

An hour later Gigalo arrived at my old apartment with two laborers and a truck (with a useless, piece-of-shit driver). He saw all of my stuff and he went ballistic. He’d been told all I had was a few boxes and a bed. “No stove, no refrigerator, no couches!” he said. He called the HR guy and let him have it for twenty minutes. The two laborers and I stared each other like seventh graders at our first dance.

At the end of the call Gigalo ordered the workers to move my stuff. Gigalo headed back to Saniya to pick up more guys. As a gigalo promising cash I’m sure he had no trouble picking up two more guys.

“It always comes back to Lehman Brothers.”

If a joke is told and nobody gets it, it’s not the audience’s fault. I now realize that no sane reader would understand that line the way I meant it. Last fall - as the economic meltdown began - CNBC spent a lot of time retracing the causes. For about two months the consensus opinion was that all of our economic woes were caused by the US allowing Lehman Brothers to go bankrupt. (Now the consensus is that Lehman was the straw that broke the camel’s back… but the camel was going down, regardless.)

So when I wrote “It always comes back to Lehman Brothers” that would have been funny to the zero readers of this blog who are also CNBC junkies.

Yep, anytime you have to explain a joke it takes on a whole new dimension of lame.

All boxed up and no place to go

I am most shocked that I didn't expect this...

HR told me on Monday that I would be moved on Tuesday. I e-mailed my classes to let them know they were canceled.

I spent the night packing boxes and completed the task by 4AM. After a three hour nap I woke up and moved the boxes to the hallway. The movers were to arrive at 9 and by that time I had everything moved to the hall. They still hadn't arrived at 10. I called the HR office. "Where are the movers?" I asked.

"They had postpone until tomorrow. The mover was supposed to call you."

During the conversation the HR guy blamed all of our housing woes on the global financial crisis. He even mentioned Lehman Brothers.

"I'm sorry," I interjected, "Lehman brothers has nothing to do with a hallway full of my stuff."

I have not bored blog readers with half of the lies we've been told by HR and housing department. Suffice to say I'm frustrated to the point of tears.

And it's Lehman Brothers fault. It always comes back to Lehman Brothers.

At least they don't do heart surgery

My new apartment complex has been hooked up to the grid. I requested service to be installed. I said, "Please do not shut off service at my old place until the new place is ready to be hooked up."

"No problem, no problem..." I was told.

By the time I made it back to my old place my service had been shut off. I'm posting this from Ann's and I'll be moving tomorrow...

Hence, posting may be sporadic for the next few days.

More like Simpsons than Seinfeld

You probably don't remember this: Fox moved Simpsons to Thursday night to take on the super popular Cosby Show. Cos won the fight but ended the series and Simpsons switched back to Sundays.

On the Simpsons show that aired opposite the Cosby finale Bart asked Homer, "Would we ever quit a successful show?"

"No son," Homer replied, "After we run every joke into the ground we'll still be around for 20 years."

And so they have.

I'm much more like the Simpsons: I crested early and now have to find new ways to be creative!

Ending the blog

One of my favorite Seinfeld episodes was in the last season. The theme of the show was going out on top. George would tell a joke in a meeting and if it got a laugh he'd say, "Alright everyone, I have to go now..."

Seinfeld was right to end his show before it jumped the shark like Roseanne.

I'm getting the Coke refrigerator as a gift because of this blog. I cannot imagine what could top that. If I had any good sense I'd end the blog on this high note.

Speaking of ending a blog...

Where's Bob?

A little over a month ago I highlighted bob is bankrupt as the blog of the week. I added the snarky comment that he must have gone bankrupt using wordpress since it charges a fee. Somehow, Bob found my blog post pretty much immediately and pointed out that the fee is very small.

I have no idea what's happened to the blog.

Quote of the day - Why you'll never see me dance

"Today I was hanging out with some disabled people at the day-center where I work. We had the music blasting and were laughing and dancing around. My boss took me aside and said it really wasn't appropriate for to mock the clients by imitating their dancing. That's just how I dance."

- Anonymous contributor on FML

Camel spotting

As you drive from city to city it's fun to see camels off in the distance. Camels are 100x cooler than I thought before I arrived. It's a little disconcerting, however, to see them in the middle of the road... as I did on my way to Sharjah.

Oops!

I drove to Sharjah to pick up Ann & Mike from the airport. I told them of their loss of power. Mike spent the next five hours getting the situation fixed.

I was feeling that warm and fuzzy "I'm a good friend" feeling for getting the stuff from the fridge.

Then I realized I never opened the freezer.

D'oh!

Christmas in April

You are looking at the two proud owners of a Coke refrigerator.

Adrienne found the blog from my FaceBook account. She read my sad tale of wanting this as much as the Apple II (that I didn't get). I was greeted with a sign of "Merry Christmas Steve!"

In other words, she gave me the refrigerator.

She also said something along the lines of "Tell Travis he can bite me..." But I really don't remember for sure. I was too excited.

Update: Yes, those are Coke flip-flops I'm wearing with my Coke shirt. I'd have also been wearing Coke shorts but I was headed to Sharjah (to pick Ann & Mike) and they are too conservative there for shorts.

Flunk day memories?

My conservative friend ironically named Lefty has this observation:

"Who has memories of Flunk Day? Kinda defeats the purpose!"

Flunk day memories

Warning: These stories may make you want to keep your children from going to Coe. For alumni it makes us want to go back.

"After a morning of drinking, around 11AM, giving Schuling an off center mohawk... not a fauhawk, mohawk. I thought Schuling looked so cool, in my drunken jealousy, I began shaving of chunks of hair off my head... all before we made to the quad for free beer... oh and the ensuing sunburn on schulings head weeks after..."

"Memories.... I lost those brain cells each year on Flunk Day. The only vague memory I have was playing campus golf with Kurt, a 7 iron and a case. Amazingly nothing was broken."

"Gotta be all night, campus-wide disc golf with Danny. WAKE UP! IT'S FLUNK DAY!!"

"Chriss Carsello and myself, and a few others actually dragging some blankets outside Greene Hall near the fat bench and passing out on the quad around 4 or 5am the night before flunk day."

"I have a faint memory of a port o pottie getting tossed. I had a little to drink that day if I recall, so the details were a little blurry...lol. Oh and there was one where a giant thunderstorm popped up and we just made it back to campus, and while we were running back from the parking lot, a bolt of lightning struck rignt next to us. Scared me sober!"

A port o pottie was tipped over on the side of the door. Meaning, the guy inside wasn't able to get out. They finally righted it and the guy jumped in a freezing pond to wash off.

"The day of my very first Flunk Day, about an hour into the celebration, the skies completely opened up. As rain poured down upon the fairgrounds, most people ran for cover. Fatty Whitaker looked to the heavens and yelled "That's right Lord, weed out the WEAK!!! Somebody get me another beer!"

See Wu? The weather was worse on some other Flunk Days.

"Can't forget the couch burning in the tree can we? Oh, McClintock."

Couch burning in a tree? I haven't heard about this one.

The next comment recalls "taking the hill" - meaning, wearing a tie and nothing else and running from the men's dorm to the women's dorm. The tradition was alive and well during my era but it seems to have died in recent years.

"I vaguely recall losing about 1/2 the skin on my shins, thigh and hip while sliding across the sidewalk in front of Voorhees while "Taking the Hill" (in the rain...) Then lying in the showers while pledges brought me beers and gauze... Yeah... Higher Education ROCKS!"

Yes it does.

Simply Awesome

Earlier today I left a six pack of Coke and the following note:

Hello!
I respect your desire to not be bothered before your sale. Hence, I will leave this and quietly go my way. I will be back promptly at 1PM tomorrow because I really, really want your Coke refrigerator. I collect everything Coke. Back in the states my house looks like a Coke museum. The one item I have not been able to get is a Coke refrigerator!
Again, I look forward to seeing you on Saturday.
Sincerely,
Steve Kranz

P.S. You'll know who I am on Saturday; I'll be the guy wearing the Coke shirt.

Later I received this message on Facebook;

Hi Steve,

Are you the one who left me the great note today about the Coke refrigerator I have for sale? If so, then consider it sold to you and you only -- I think it's awesome that you're such a die-hard Coke collector! My family has a long affiliation with Coke -- they created the first ever endowed academic Coca-Cola Professorship specifically for my father, who did a lot of consulting for them (he was a prof of Marketing), so I've been totally Coke loyal all my life! I won't even let Pepsi products in my house, much less drink them. :-)

Anyway, I look forward to meeting you tomorrow!

Cheers,
Adrienne

I have no idea how she found me on FaceBook, but I don't care... I'm getting a Coke fridge! I'm getting a Coke fridge!

Tea parties

Remember all the people at McCain rallies yelling things like, "Obama is a terrorist!"?

Well, those people were frustrated that McCain did not hit Obama harder. The tea party is their first chance to express their outrage.
Kid, if your parents are paying higher taxes they are making so much money they could give you the trip to Disney World. Perhaps they just don't love you.

Another comparing Obama to Hitler. Wow. I wonder if these people will ever realize they hurt their cause more than they help it.

Thanks for the AKA Hussein. I wouldn't have known who you were talking about.

Something tells me this guy probably doesn't like gay marriage either.

Yes, increasing the tax rate for the richest Americans by 3.6% is equal to killing 6 million Jews.

Thought for the day - Teabagging

I wonder how many people learned the meaning of "teabagging" this week.

Flunk day memories

Denise started a great idea: Post your Flunk Day memories. It will be boring to most of the readers and scare several from sending their kids to Coe... but for the rest of us, Flunk Day is part of why we love Coe.

A toast to Libertarians

Tomorrow I'll post my response to T-bagging across the US. For today I'll put up this picture for Chip. Chip's the only libertarian student I've had. Here's the odd thing: Chip, Karey (the die-hard Republican) and I agree on 70% of things. That begs the Rodney King question: Why can't we all get along?

Toes in the water, ass in the sand

I asked for uplifting music and I can’t believe that I have never heard of so many of the entries.  This is another from that category and I’ll probably never listen to again.  It probably won’t surprise long time readers to know that this is the same friend who told me he was off (with two Viagra) to have fun with a married woman.

House sitting

Ann & Mike went to Lebanon for spring break. To save money I did not join them. Ann asked me to check on the cat and bunny while they were gone. When I went to their place I noticed the electricity was off. I removed most everything from their fridge and put it in mine.

Unfortunately, I must have been too late for something; my fridge and entire apartment reeks. The odor reminds of wet socks and shoes left in a cellar.

Update: Wow, seriously, a box of Arm & Hammer won't do it. I think I have a dead skunk in my fridge.

Al Ain at night

Sorry. Most nights there is a thick haze of sand that obscures the view. Tonight the haze was low so I went up Jebel Hafeet to get a pic of the city. Even with a tri-pod the high winds and haze made pictures next to impossible.

Ugh.

All I want for Christmas

A woman is selling this on Saturday. She has not set a price AND she does not want any calls before the start of the sale at 1PM.

My plan is to deliver a case of Coke to her front door tomorrow with a note pleading that she not sell it to anyone before Saturday. I will then arrive early and camp in front of her door.

I have wanted a Coke refrigerator for decades. Coke can’t sell me one in the US because of liability: “What if some child ended up in one and suffocated?” Lame!

I begged the former owner of the Sip-n-Stir to let me have his when he sold the place. He wouldn’t give it to me but he did give me his secret recipe for Bloody Mary’s as a consolation prize.

Wish me luck. I haven’t wanted something this bad since Christmas 1982 when I wanted an Apple II.

I didn’t get it.

Speed cameras: Mixed thoughts

Cedar Rapids is putting speed cameras on I-380. OK, but how will they work? Will people going 57 get a ticket? Will speedsters learn that if they zip into the right lane of the 3 lane highway they will evade the cameras?

One of the reasons I do like living in the UAE is that I have never seen a person pulled over. No speeding tickets from a cop on a power trip. There are speed cameras all over the place set at 10 over the speed limit. And the speed limits here are reasonable.

I am not the chronic lead foot I was 20 years ago, but I still like to get where I'm going before I lose any more hair. (I can't afford that.) My fear is that CR will set the cameras at 56. Go above that and they'll take your picture and give you a ticket.

Speaking of Cedar Rapids, this new police chief is a piece of work. Either the Gazette is taking his words out of context or this guy thinks quite a lot of himself. I know this will sound far out of bounds but this makes me almost as sad as the flood. The last thing CR needs right now is a megalomaniac police chief. The idea should be rebuild a community, not divide it.

Flunk day

As I write this it is 2PM in Iowa. For Coe students it is the day they have anticipated for months: Flunk Day.

All classes are canceled. All tests and homework postponed. By this time 20% of the campus has passed out from drinking that started last night and ended around 10AM.

Flunk Day is called by the outgoing student body president... an honor I once had. It's safe to say the weather was not the best for my Flunk Day but it was certainly not as bad as Wu's revisionist history would paint it to be. Spellman did find me on that day to say, "Congratulations Kranz, you've managed to combine winter carnival with Flunk Day." He could say that because his wife was the only one to tell the night before that it was mistake.

Hence it was no surprise to get an e-mail from Donna Spellman today letting me know that it is yet another Flunk Day with better weather than mine.

Parody of the protecting marriage ad

Last Friday I posted a new ad that claims to protect marriage from gays. Several e-mailed to say they thought it was an SNL skit and waited for the joke. Sadly it was not a joke, but this is:

The “take away my guns” guy 25 seconds in cracks me up.

Update: I forgot to credit Andrew Sullivan.

At the end of the video is a link to http://rimsjob.org/. I bookmarked the site because they are much funnier than jib-jab.

Living in Amityville

My current apartment is possessed. The toilet and water pump leaks some days and not others. Some days I have great water pressure for a shower, other days there's a dribble. Every other day I blow a fuse turning on switches. The electrical surges have burned through more than 40 light bulbs.

Two of the bulbs exploded. One of those happened yesterday and I was hit with tiny glass particles while sitting at the computer.

Most of my colleagues have moved to the new apartments. I have held out because moving to an apartment without internet has zero appeal.

But it should would be safer.

New lessons from Coke

Years ago I discovered that Diet Coke explodes in a freezer much faster than regular Coke.  Sadly, it's a lesson I've learned over and over. 

Now I've switched to Coke Zero.  And, well, I left one in the freezer.  Coke Zero has even more explosive properties.  The bomb was so loud I jumped 3 feet.

It makes me wonder:  Will Coke Zero and Mentos react the same way as Diet Coke and Mentos?

Unlike cell phones popping corn, this video is real.

Blog of the week - FU Penguin

A blog that sees real motives of animals that look cute.

And just when you think he's heartless you have to read this.

How to spin a good story bad

Like most Americans I was pleased at the outcome of the pirate attack. (Pirates attacking ships in the region has been big news since I arrived here. It took having an American ship get hijacked to make news back home.)

The Rush-Hannity shout fest has been very critical of Obama throughout the ordeal. I counted 12 different forums on the matter on Hannity during the crisis. Since the crisis is over all of the critics are saying, "This really wasn't a presidential matter. It's the Navy that handled it right." If the matter had turned out badly I'm sure they'd be saying the same thing.

Umm, yeah. At least this president didn't taunt the hijackers by saying, "Bring it on!" or now that this particular crisis has ended nobody at the White House hung a "Mission Accomplished" banner.

The nut-wing of the right sees the world this way:

But if George Bush were still president they'd present it this way:

Graphs from Andrew Sullivan.

Update: Gloria Borger explains that Republicans should put away Twitter.

Spring = Fall

It's my first spring in the Emirates. We are on the same side of the equator and it is officially spring... but this place has the feel of fall.

With temps hitting 100 it's certainly not the cool crisp days of fall in Iowa. It's fall in the sense of watching plants mature and slowly die. The picture above is right in front of my office. Flowers all over this city have overgrown and flow out into the street.

I know I'm reading too much into this but there's also a look on people's faces that bares a resemblance to November in Iowa. The look of "I don't want to go outside for the next couple of months."

Need a phone?

I spent a couple of hours walking around downtown looking for a specific electronics shop that I never did find.

As I was walking I noticed that one street that was nothing but cell phone dealerships. In a stretch of 2 blocks I counted 43 different shops selling nothing but cell phones.

Many of the shop keepers were standing out front talking to each other. I have no idea how any of them make money.

Good stuff I learned from reading a conservative blog

These stories all come from The Corner.

Have a hangover? Apparently, a bacon sandwich will help. The carbs in the bread break down into amino acids which makes you feel better. The bacon replaces neurotransmitters and helps you think better.

Depressed and having no sex? Blame the kids. The article's stunning statistic: 90% of couples reported decreased marital satisfaction once a child is born.

Generous chimpanzees are more likely to get laid. Male chimps who give food to females are twice as likely to get lucky. This isn't a short term, "Here's meat, now let's do it like they do it on the Discovery Channel." The males share their prize during the time when the female is not ovulating. Providing meat is obviously sexy.

And, finally, you can now use a chocolate inhalor to taste chocolate with zero calories. The article appears to be real.

I love learning new, interesting things from conservatives.

Links

I've been asked why I don't provide links to the stories on the blog. For most stories I do. Anytime you see underlined blue letters it is a link to an external page.

There are two ways to insert links in a blog.

1. Generous chimpanzees are more likely to get laid. Read the story here. Male chimps who give food to females are twice as likely to get lucky.

- or -

2. Generous chimpanzees are more likely to get laid. Male chimps who give food to females are twice as likely to get lucky.

I prefer using the second method; it's much easier to read.

My cousin Jorge

The Obama administration has smartly lifted travel restrictions to Cuba. Now any extended family member can visit the island.

I very much want to visit Cuba before it becomes America's next big tourist destination. This new rule reminds me of the M*A*S*H episode where the new officer's club allows in relatives of officers. Hawkeye claims to be related to all of the enlisted men, "Radar, who is like a son to me. Klinger, who is like the daughter I never wanted..."

Given that it would be next to impossible to verify one's relatives in Cuba can I claim to have a cousin Jorge I'm going to visit?

Iowa surges into 2nd place

Last week a study claimed Iowa was the second most happy state. All Iowans got a chuckle out of that one.

This week comes the news that Iowa is number 2 in production in wind energy. We've passed California. Texas is still way ahead, but hey, Texas is much larger.

Another reason to be proud of Iowa.

From the "It may have been worse" department

Earlier I wrote about the poor guy who was run over by a disc. Dad informs me that given the tractor he was driving he may have fallen forward out of the tractor.

That means he'd of been run over by the tractor wheel before being cut up by the disc.

Makes you think a little differently about whatever problems your facing today, doesn't it?

Oh, the waste!

McD's gave me five ketchup packets today. That got me thinking...

On average, for the past 25 years I have ate fast food at least four times per week. That's 4 visits * 52 weeks * 25 years = 5200 stops.

On average I get two ketchup packets per visit that I don't use.

That's over 10,000 wasted ketchup packets.

The above numbers are conservative. During the four years I worked weather I averaged more than 10 fast food stops per week.

Quote of the day: No more than two nose rubs

I don't appreciate students walking into class late. It's disruptive and it's particularly disruptive here because students who are late have a need to say, "Hello" to the class for which the class instinctively responds.

On the male campus it is not unusual for a guy to walk in late, announce "Hello" in Arabic and proceed to shake hands with half of the class. For particularly close friends they'll rub noses.

Early on this distraction drove me batty. I've come to accept that this is part of the culture but I can place limits... as one of my colleagues has:

When you come in late you can have no more than three hand shakes and two nose rubs before you sit down.

(If you sense deja vu, you're not alone. I swear I posted this before...)

Don't think, listen to the expert

Ever watch Deal or No Deal? The banker offers you $10,000 but if you continue playing you might win $1 million? Do you take the $10,000 or try for the $1 Million. Obviously, if the odds are 50-50 you'd shoot for the million. If the odds are, well, one in a million you'd take the $10,000.

In this fascinating article they connected 24 college students to a brain scanner. The students were then given an option of taking a lump sum of money or gambling for a higher payout. (Like Deal or No Deal.)

On some decisions they were given advice from an expert. The study found that when given expert advice the students' brains shut down. They did not critically examine their options. They accepted the advice which was often purposefully bad.

This study explains why Rush Limbaugh listeners parrot everything Rush says... and since Rush repeatedly tells them how "intelligent" and "independent thinking" they are they falsely believe they are most well informed audience in the world.

Chitty Chitty Bang Bang

I think the movie played annually on Thanksgiving Day, not Easter. Nevertheless, I watched it for one reason: I loved seeing the invention that cooked the egg. (Sorry, no youtube available... and those of you under 35 reading this blog probably have no idea what I'm talking about.)

The movie scared me. I have no idea what the movie was about but I remember something about kidnapping children. And as one myself I didn't like that one bit.

On this Easter Sunday here's a link to another childhood favorite, the Cadbury egg, going through motions that are more impressive than the egg fry on Chitty.

*****
Ann and I were discussing this earlier: I hope you had a traditional bone-in ham today. They are unmatched in flavor and completely unavailable here.

A good deed leaves him dead

Photo: Google images

There are worse ways to die - drowning and being burned come to mind - but being run over by a disc has to rank right up there. Discs are metal blades meant to break up hard topsoil.

Sadly, a Palo man was helping a friend by discing his field and somehow fell off the tractor. He was run over by the disc. The tractor went for three miles before it finally stopped and the man died at the hospital.

This is one where I would have preferred to read he died instantly.

Quote of the day - Gronstal taunts King

Iowa Senate Majority Leader Gronstal to Congressman Steve King:

Steve King is too chicken to run for governor because he knows he would get his butt beat.

No idea

These are some pics from the trip up Jebel Hafeet that I can't explain. This looks like a bunch of houses with lime green roofs.

These look too small to be trees.

Looking at this picture you could think that this place gets regular rain. Nope. I have no idea what it is but it must take tons of water to keep it this green.

Somewhere over the rainbow

This version was submitted by a friend in real estate.  I hope things are going well for her in this market.

I love this version and *I think* it is the same that used to play at the end of Party of Five episodes.  Anyone know for sure?

Saturday loose ends

All the topics I didn't get to in the last week:

Guiding Light... canceled? It's scary because the show was funded by Procter & Gamble, the same people who produce As The World Turns (a soap I have kept up with...) If it's lights out for GL it may be only time before the same for ATWT!

The New York Times reports that Republicans are giving up scoring points on SSM. And the governor has issued a statement that will please no one. Congrats, Chet, you are well on your way to following your father's steps as a one-termer.

Dr. Laura supports gay couples? This is surprising to recent listeners to her show, but those of us who first heard her 12 years ago aren't surprised. About 10 years she hitched her ride to the ultra-right wing and has been a gay basher ever since. What made her switch back? Probably demographics. The hate gays crowd is dying. Literally.

The last item is one I had to check the calendar to see if it was written on April 1. In summary, brown fat is good for you and helps you burn calories.

I gotta get me some er that brown fat.

No rush

Tonight we received an e-mail informing us that they'd like us to move out within the next four days. The movers will be here Saturday morning at 9AM. The message was sent on Friday at 11:15PM.

On Thursday I found out from the cable company that internet service is weeks away for my new apartment.

I'm not moving.

I know there was a world before the internet. I'm pretty sure I lived in it. I'm just not willing to go back.

Coke rules!

Even at the top of a mountain in a rural desert country in the middle east... I have said it before: How do those from Germany feel living here? The outside cultural influences are all American: McDonalds, Coke, American music, American movies, and, of course, English is the dominant language.

I'd love to have these for my windows.

Top of Jebel Hafeet

This is the last stop - at the top of Jebel Hafeet.

This is from the peak looking back towards the city.

Another view of the city in the desert.

There's the Coke cafeteria and a large parking lot.

Date farm

These are pictures (I think) of date farms. I have no idea why they'd be planted in squares.

I have no idea what is what looks like a forest off to the distance.

Gay Marriage: Destroying the lives of straight people

I’m so sorry. ** sniffle ** If I had only known.

Please accept my sincere apology.

Sometimes the job title says it all

Update: In addition to the highlighted job, Longwell points out the "cum Driver" in the last ad. Although it's proper English to use the term it's not surprising we don't in the US.

Quote of the day - You look so mean

From the I couldn't make this up file. A female student approached me and said, "They say you are a great teacher, but you look so mean. May I sit in on one of your classes?"

I laughed, "Sure, any time."

Student, "And you won't kick me out?"

"Nope," I replied. "But if I were mean I would."

The road up Jebel Hafeet

The road up Jebel Hafeet is a typical mountain road - lots of switchbacks and view places where the climb is steep. I felt bad for my little Sunny but she held out like a trooper.

Here's a closer up view of the road up.

Jebel Hafeet - First stop

Jebel means mountain. Rising to less than 5000 feet it is not a large mountain by the standards of the Rockies, but it's impressive in the middle of a relatively flat dessert.

This is the view from the first stop up the mountain. I'm not sure what all is being grown in the green areas of the picture. Since this climate is so dry whatever it is, it must be irrigated.

Jebel Hafeet - Second stop

The sand in the distance is bright orange and just over the mountain's horizon are rows of date trees.