Good Will Hunting and Mentoring

Robin Williams is remembered as the GOAT of comedians. David Letterman's tribute is here... Interestingly, Robin's Oscar was for a serious role in Good Will Hunting. (This is the movie that propelled Matt Damon & Ben Affleck to stardom.)

*****

On this day in 1942, Bill Spellman was born. He went on teach and coach football at Coe College where he mentored hundreds over the years. Not simply an academic advisor but a life mentor. 

Spellman was taken away from us in 1997 with a couple of massive heart attacks. I was honored his wife Donna allowed me to give the eulogy:

A key line in my eulogy: "Help from Spellman was born of compassion, not sympathy." Meaning, he wanted to help people, not express sadness for their circumstances.

*********

In 1998 the movie Good Will Hunting was released. In an early scene I realized Robin Williams embodies everything Bill Spellman was to me and so many others. And, to be clear, this is the scene that won Robin the Oscar, beating the odds on favorite Burt Reynolds for Boogie Nights. 

*****

I am, unbelievably,  now older than Doc Spellman was when he died. 

The final lines of my eulogy: "I've always believed the best thing you can say about a man is that the world a better place for his having been here... by helping us to be better people the spirit of Bill Spellman lives on."

*****

I am a truly lucky man to have had him as a mentor. It is because of him that I am in higher education. I hope someday someone is able to give a my eulogy and declare the world is a better place because I was here. 

What's love got to do with it?

Steve  and Michelle were HS sweethearts. Steve was the cool guy who played guita and Michelle was sweet cheerleader whose Mom a school secretary who quietly ran the place.

After HS they stuck together and eventually married. Everyone was happy for them.

At our fifth year class reunion Michelle and Steve seemed happy. As the party was winding down, we were all exchanging hugs. Liquid courage led Michelle to express a side of herself that she had been keeping back.

"Woah," Christine exclaimed, "I was not expecting so much tongue." 

Michelle had decided she preferred women over men. Within a year she divorced Steve and dropped contact with most from our HS.

I was happy to get her friend request on FB. It was good to reconnect. The surprise? She was married and had 2 sons.  Huh?

Happy for her and her family but I'm confused. 

*****

Dave has been married for many years. He gets along well with his in-laws and loves doing romantic things for his wife. 

The problem?

They haven't had sex in more than 4 years. Although I've never met her I did suspect she might be playing for the other team. When he finally confronted her she confessed she is probably bi or maybe a lesbian. 

I hope the best for the couple. 

It reminds me of this great scene from Sex and the City:

https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=bHBjjIC9Eq0

********

Which leads me to the question: Can a couple remain a couple if there is no sex?

Addiction

 We all have addictions.

Some addictions are a good thing. At one point I was programming Apple assembly language in hexadecimal. Had I pursued this path I would be a very rich reclusive geek now.

Some addictions are bad. Addiction to gambling can lead to very bad places. (NYU Professor Scott Galloway says its the number one cause of suicide. I'm not gonna take the time to fact-check him.) 

Two of my addictions are caffeine and alcohol. Years ago I went a few months without alcohol to see if: 1. I could do it, and 2. Are there any positive changes? The answer for me is that I could do it and I saw no measurable change in health.

My "Dry January" experiment in 2024 was to go without caffeine. I've ridden the caffeine roller coaster for years. My morning routine is to have a Coke Zero before I head to shower. After awhile I reach a point where I'm having six pack of Coke Zero and two coffees just to get through the day. So I'll go cold turkey off caffeine, endure a few days caffeine withdrawal headaches and then slowly reintroduce caffiene again. It's caffeine roller coaster and I've been riding it since high school.

Fun Fact: In college I went to every class with a Coke. I was known as the Coke guy even among those who never met me or knew me.

Deciding to go three weeks without caffeine was supposed to give me some insight. Is my life better without nature's energy elixir? Will I sleep better? Will I be more or less productive? What will be the great secret I learn from this experiment.

I wish I had some amazing insight. Here are my two take-aways. 1. No caffeine reaffirmed my belief that mornings suck. 2. I jerked off much less. 

I doubt I could get a paper written on that.

Iowa Caucuses - Winners and Losers

Winners

Trump

If you asked the Trump campaign what they wanted to happen before the caucus the answer would have been:

• Get more than 50% of the vote
• DeSantis comes in 2nd, taking away the “Haley momentum” story
• Win by the largest margin in Iowa Caucus history

Done… done… done… I do not see how anyone/anything can stop the Trump run for the nomination.

Ron DeSantis

By placing 2nd he lives to fight another day and has saved face to drop out in the future when he returns to Florida with his tail between his legs.

Iowa media

The news that $120 million was spent in Iowa is simply unbelievable. 

Joe Biden

Two reasons:

1. Joe Biden cannot beat Nikki Haley. He can beat Donald Trump. In the last few days Trump has given Democrats all the fodder we need to win in this cycle: Claiming with pride he gutted Roe v. Wade, dismantle Obamacare, dictator comment, etc. The ads write themselves.
2. The turnout in Iowa was only 107,000. That's pathetically weak turnout. 

There is no enthusiasm on my side for Joe Biden but it's hard to argue there is much enthusiasm for Trump beyond the MAGA base. 

Losers

Nikki Haley

Her big goal was to come in 2nd and claim this is now a 2 person race. Hillary was seriously wounded by coming in 3rd in 2008 in Iowa (Obama came in a powerful first and Jon Edwards beat Clinton by a few percentage points). Haley could go on to win New Hampshire and still will not be enough to make DeSantis drop out before South Carolina.

Vivek Ramaswamy

Spend $15 million of your own money to earn 8449 votes. That comes out to $1775 per vote. Vivek would have done better if he had staff at soup kitchens in Iowa offering patrons $500 to show up on caucus night. 

Caucuses

Only a little more than 100,000 people came out on Monday night. Those not from Iowa will blame it on the weather. Those from Iowa know cold weather stops nothing. Heavy snow? Yes Simply being cold? Nope.

Kim Reynolds

Historically, Iowa governors have remained neutral during the caucuses. Why? There is no upside in endorsing. She put her credibility on the line and got nothing for it. Iowa's Republican senators were smart enough to keep their powder dry. 

Bob Vander Plaats

Very happy my least favorite Iowan's endorsement of DeSantis didn't help. 

Republicans

Only 7% of the caucus goers were under 30.  That doesn't bode well for the future of the GOP.

Thoughts:

$120 million in spending means more than $1000 per vote. Contemplate that. 

These results have left me deeply depressed. Had the Haley campaign followed my suggestion of reaching out to Dems with nothing to do on Monday night she could have secured a 2nd place finish.

I wonder how Monday night could have different had Haley's campaign reached out to people like me: https://youtu.be/obf-VK7uwcI?si=JNWziHjk64EE0JPM

Why I hate trigger warnings for college students

Note: I teach adults. I do not teach children. The rules of the road for those under 18 are very different for those over 18.

Please watch this before you continue reading: Trigger warnings

I have never put trigger warnings into my syllabi and I am not about to start. By the time you start college you need to be ready, willing, and able to handle things you could not handle as a child. By the time you graduate from college you have to be ready to accept a world where there are no guardrails. You're on your own. 

A trigger warning is telling students that they cannot hear certain words... which is ridiculous. Suicide and mental illness is common in my family - it took out my aunt, uncle, and brother. I am not triggered if someone says, "Suicide" nor should I be. 

Where I am... and we really need to have a different word for this...where you are going to see me lose my shit: When someone uses suicide as a tool to manipulate people. 

To be clear:

The word suicide does not trigger me. It's how it is used that triggers me.

Early on in my time coordinating the intro to management class at UAEU I had a professor tell me he wouldn't teach the sexual harassment lesson to his students. I replied, "You will because we are AACSB accredited and the two elements of sexual harassment are very much a part of any introduction to management class. I guarantee it will be on the final." 

In some classes in America, students are being exempted from the classes where sexual harassment is discussed. 

Trust me on this: I've taught the basics of sexual harassment to almost 10,000 students. Several female students and a couple of male students talked to me outside of class to tell me the stories of their harassment. Not one burst out into tears as I discussed the subject and not one gave me a bad review. 

In other words? What's better than a trigger warning? Better teaching. 

PS - the former student who made this rant possible just let me know he's alive and well. I do not care why he left me hanging for a week worried that he killed himself. Life is too short to care about manipulative people.  (Yeah, it's best I do not work for a suicide hotline, but I digress.)

2023 Fall

 More important than anything you will learn in this class: Know who you'd take a bullet for, who you'd take a punch for, who you'd be willing to defend in public and who you'd walk away.

I am a lucky man because I have dozens of friends who love me. I'm not being bragging; it's true.

The reason they love me is simple: I have never lied to them. 

Am I capable of lying? Yeah, play poker with me... I know how to lie.

But I don't with my friends... it's just that simple. 

I lived for many years as a guy pretending to be someone he wasn't. In my early 20's I realized, "Yeah, this isn't working." So I moved to the 100% honesty model. 

It's not for everyone. Trust me, I've lost friends by being 100% honest. 

But that's OK. My world is not made better by "friends" who are my friend because I tell them what they want to hear. I want the friend to tell me what s/he really thinks. 

My friend Mohamed Saleh is a guy who:

1. Phenomenal athlete

2. Phenomenal entrepreneur

3. Close friend

I admire people who are gifted. Gifted at piano, science, sport, whatever. 

I'm gifted at storytelling and moderately gifted at all things tech. 

For me to return to UAEU and teach the capstone course (to students who had 3 years ago for the intro course) is kinda a dream come true. I love seeing how students have matured from when I saw them at the entry level. 

3 tickets

 Napolean Bonaparte: "Never interrupt your enemy when he is making a mistake."

In Iowa the Iowa State Fair is the main attraction for all Republican candidates. I love the State Fair. That I'm missing the cookies... everything you can imagine on a stick, and the view from the ski lift makes me sad I couldn't make it back home this summer.

Given that 100,000 Iowans come to the fair each day it is not surprising that every Republican running for President was there yesterday. On January 15, 2024 Iowa hosts the first test of the Republican nominating systerm. Iowa has a mixed record in choosing the winner of the Republican nomination. #TedCruz beat #DonaldTrump in 2016 and #JohnMcCain didn't even try to compete back in #2008... but... there is no doubt #GeorgeWBush would have never been President if it wasn't for his huge win back in 2000.

There are three tickets out of Iowa. Former President Trump will most certainly be getting one of those tickets. The question becomes, "Who else gets a ticket?

In the past I liked to create mischief - I caucused for Pat Buchanan in 1996 and Rick Santorum in 2012.  Neither Republican stood a chance in the general election so I was happy to support them to become the Republican nominee.

But the days of playing mischief are over. Democracy and the role America plays on the world stage is in question. 

On January 15th, Iowa Independents and Democrats have the ability to caucus with the Republicans. The question is, Who do we support?

I suggest we have 3 criteria that the candidate must meet:

1. Accept the results of 2020. 

2. Tell hard truths to the party - Climate change is real, vaccines save lives, supporting Ukraine is important, etc.

3. Support democracy going forward.

So who does that leave for us to support?

Chris Christie is not a good choice. He is a protest candidate with a singular mission of taking out the guy he once supported.

Doug Burgham -the governor of North Dakota is interesting but to be clear, the only area of expertise is energy. It's like he is running to be the secretary of energy more than he's running for President.

South Carolina senator Tim Scott is interesting but so far his campaign seems to be like Mitt Romney 2008... meaning, he knows he's not gonna win this time so he's running in the "I shall make no enemies so please keep me in mind in 2012."

I heard a great interview with former Congressman Will Hurd... but he's the longest of longshots.

Bottom line: We Iowa independents and Democrats cannot make mischief in 2024. We have to coalesce around a Republican who is sane. Democracy is on the line and we have the ability to help one of the sane candidates get one of the three tickets to the Republican nomination.

It's time to start the discussion.

TrueBlueIowan signing off for now.

Blocked memory

 My Aunt Leona - the beloved matriarch of our family - related a story to Miriam today about how badly abusive her parents were. Basically, on the night of her graduation Mom was beaten so badly that her boyfriend (future husband) removed her from the house and took her to stay with her best friend Miriam. (That my sister is named Miriam is not a coincidence.)

They were both 17 and in 1952 there was no protective service. Dad, as I alluded to in his eulogy, literally rescued Mom from an abusive household. 

Dad turned 18 and Mom turned 18 on August 11. Mom and Dad were married that day.

As Miriam told me what Leona had said I thought, "Umm, I knew this. Mom had told me this. Why on earth would I have forgotten that? (There was a piece of info in the story about Dad's father trying to help that I absolutely had never heard before.)

So we all know memory is a tricky thing. When your mother, your father (revealed after we resolved our differences) and aunt all tell the same story? It's fact. 

That I had that memory blocked says something about me... 

Anyhow, I'm now ready to finish Mom's eulogy and it will be done tomorrow. 

Eight Fights

 This American Life is a radio show/podcast that tells stories based on a theme. Usually it's about Americans. Episode 807: Eight fights is a story about Russian and a Ukrainian who have a son together. When war breaks out, what do you do with the son?

Masha Gessen writes for the New Yorker. She wrote and narrated this story about two of her longtime friends. It is the story of Nadia - a lesbian - who had a son with a gay male friend named Karen. 

If this seems confusing, that's OK. The hardest part for me was coming to grips with a guy named Karen. 

Nadia and Karen were living in Moscow when Luka was conceived. Shortly after he was born Mom and son moved to Kyiv. She raised him to be Ukrainian. Dad spent a month with Luka every summer and told him that Ukraine was a backwater agricultural state whereas Russia had the arts. class etc. This part of the story rang very true to me. As the True Blue Iowan, I see how my coastal friends look down on those of the Midwest, but I digress.

I won't give away anymore of the story. It's today's must listen podcast if you have the time.

Learning from loss

 In 1989 I ran for student body president as a sophomore. No sophomore had ever been elected to the office but I wanted to be the first. I'm arrogant... that's a given.

I chose a runningmate I didn't know well. She was a well-meaning person and I wish nothing but the best for Andrea.

My opponent in that race was Renee. I like Renee... let's be clear she is a phenomenal woman.

Renee chose Forest as her running mate and I knew... before any votes were cast... I'm fucked.

Why? Forest was a Phi Tau and the guy every str8 woman on campus wanted. So my opponents are a woman from the largest sorority and a guy who is part of the second largest fraternity but has ZERO enemies. I've never met a guy who didn't like Forest. He's the man every other cis-gender man wants to be, but I digress.

A year later, everyone knows I'm going to run. That's a given. This time I chose Tony as my running mate. Rather than run with someone who I didn't know well I chose to run with a guy I'd take a bullet for. If I win I win; if I lose I lose - my fall back was remaining as the chairperson of the student senate... a job I liked more than being student body president, but that's a story for a different day.

Tony signed on. Tony has two awesome older brothers. I was his adopted older brother at Coe. 

Tony took J-term to explore the southwest of the United States. Unfortunately, the election is being held while he is gone.

My opponents in my second go at the job: The biggest stud TKE and the biggest partier Coe has ever known. 

The difference? Before I entered the race I secured endorsements from, well, enough influencers that I knew I was gonna win this race. Losing sucks and I wasn't about to lose again. 

As I said to both Chuck and Dustin - "You are both studs but you're in my world and I'm gonna kick your ass."

Revenge of the Nerds 

Intelligent human beings learn from mistakes. I knew why I lost on my first attempt and I'm happy I lost. It set me up to run and win... and a mark of how successful Tony and I were? 

When he ran for student body president he had nobody running against him... which, I think, has never happened before or since. 

Sponsor

I think #AlcoholicsAnonymous is bullshit. I've read the #BookOfBill. (Most of the 12 steps are tied to religion and I'm not religious so it's easy for me to call BS),

The one element of #AA I do appreciate: The sponsor

The sponsor is the person you call when you are feeling weak. S/he talks you down from the moment when you might take another drink.

My friend Roy* is a former student. He's also a good friend. He quit drinking six years ago. It was the right thing for him to do. He didn't join AA he just quit; like Dad, but I digress.

Roy's hit a tough patch in life. Work issues, marital issues, social media issues... it easy to see how it could lead a man who has chosen sobriety to go back to drinking.

Because he's not in AA I've become his de facto sponsor; which is weird because I know I am an #alcoholic by the AA definition and I don't care. I am happy to be Roy's phone call when he is feeling the need to take a drink. I know it's his goal to not take that drink so I think I'm equipped with the skills to talk him back from doing something he'd regret. 

My favorite radio show is #ThisAmericanLife had an amazing story that made her famous. The problem? She was not an alcoholic. Here is the link... skip to Act 3: The Wisdom to know the difference  or check her page. 

I support Roy. He's a good man. I chose Roy as the psuedonym for my friend because I admire the Roy Kent character in Ted Lasso. 

*Name changed to protect his identity... given his recent issues on social media there is no way I'd use even his first name. 

Ginseng

 

In 1994 I got into taking supplements. Of which, my favorite was #Ginseng. I took it religiously. I gave it to my friends. It gave me energy. This is awesome!

Two years later my mentor wanted to hire me to teach a class at #CoeCollege as an #adjunct. Yay! I replied.

"One condition," he said, "stop taking ginseng."

"Huh?" I replied,

"Dude, since you started taking ginseng you have been walking around with a semi at all times and YOU HAVE ONE RIGHT NOW."

He was, of course, correct. 

To say I love my mentor is an understatement. I'd have given my life for him without hesitation. I also had zero attraction to him so the fact I had a semi when it's just us talking in his office... yeah, time to stop taking ginseng. 

I'm now 54 - pretty much the age Doc was when he gave me that advice. I want to see what ginseng does for me now. 

Easier here

 Is the company in growth mode or optimization mode?

LFG is in growth mode as it has introduced new key strategic objectives focused on maximizing distributable earnings and capital generation. 

But are they? It's easy to give a press release saying, "we are in a growth mode" Bezos taught the world that saying "we are in a growth mode" keeps the dogs of  Wall Street off him for decades.

When your profit/loss looks like this you obligated by your coms team to say, "We are in a growth mode."

This is YogaBabble and it has some spelling mistakes. In a critical analysis of a company never be afraid to call out BS.

Great overview of the industry.

Great Five Forces - except... and there is a theme to me being critical here... the threats and rivalry. There are a dozen companies who could eat them up and spit them out tomorrow. Apple financial, Morgan Stanley, Amazon (the company you trust for everything else wants to offer you life insurance and financial planning... you already trust us with everything else... why not trust us with this?)Etc.

WAY too kind. Your assignment is NOT to swallow everything their coms team says. 

Everything else you have is boilerplate review... If I were grading this it's a B+.

This is a company that has one way to be successful - which its coms team has done pretty well: Make yourself as attractive as you can and hope some big boy bank asks you out at the next dance. 

In other words, the only way forward for them is a merger/acquisition.

Those are my two cents. 

 July 25, 2023

Stephen King once said, "We are all gonna die... I want to make it more interesting." Well...

Steven Kranz is dead. The driver of the Coke truck that took him out is under questioning right now but authorities doubt there was foul play as Mr. Kranz was wearing a Coke shirt when he died.

In 1985 Steve was on a High School trip to Mexico and almost taken out by a Pepsi delivery truck. Recently Steve learned that the aspartame in Coke Zero is his most likely cause of death. Little did he know, it would be a delivery driver in the UAE.

The Suicide Tollbridge

 My Aunt, my uncle and my brother all committed suicide. So when it comes to depression and suicide you've never met a guy better equipped to discuss this than me. 

I won't speak about the aunt I never met and the uncle who is technically my godfather but I don't really remember him.

I can speak about Mark. 

Mark was Steve 1.0.

By all accounts Mark was insanely smart and witty. I don't think he was as extroverted as his Mom and me but he really knew how to make people take notice... I think all who knew him would say that Mark would have been a social media influencer.

Instead, my brother dropped out of HS weeks before graduation and became the story they told to all other #BCHS grads for generations of what NOT to do. 

I won't lie; my relationships with my siblings is complicated as fuck. Mom designated me as the favorite early on and Dad designated Miriam as favorite child and Marty as favorite son early on... leaving the oldest sister Kathy and oldest son Mark somewhere out there but not a great place to be.

Dad saw his reason to be on this planet is to be a good older brother and be a protector of his wife and kids. I have numerous videos on this.

Mom? This is tough. 

Mom is so much more complicated than Dad. I did Spellman's eulogy in two hours. It was easy. 

I wrote and revised Dad's eulogy because Miriam HATED the first draft. The second draft has her edits upfront and the rest is the same. 

For Mom, I have no guardrails. I is/was whatever her favorite son. So what I say is the definitive take on her life. 

And that terrifies me.

Oppenheimer

The first hour of the movie is cutting from 1932 to 1942 to 1945 to 1949. The only way the viewer knows what time period we are in is by seeing the makeup of the stars. I know this story inside and out and even I was like WTF as one moment they are talking about the need for atomic bomb that is only theoretically possible and the next moment they are discussing its impact on the future of mankind.

I wondered during the movie if my theater had the sound on wrong. It's jarring. I couldn't hear the dialogue in many points because the relentless techno sound track overshadowed the voices of the actors. From reading other reviews I learned that for Director Christopher Nolan that's a feature, not a bug.

The movie has a 3 hour run time, and this three act play is almost to the minute broken into three acts by hour. The only act I liked was Act 2, So for Star Wars fans, the second hour is the Empire Strikes Back - enjoy it. 

The third hour goes all political; which you'd think I'd enjoy. Rami Malek appears and gives a passionate speech which would be awesome if we had ever seen him before that speech. In other words it did nothing for me.

Cillian Murphy will get a best actor nomination from this movie. I wouldn't be surprised if he wins it. Cate Blanchet also has a scene in the third act that will get her a best supporting actress nomination.

Joyce Anna Ford Kranz

Prologue

We all need a person in our lives who believe in us more than we believe in ourselves. For me? It was Mom. I was the youngest of her five children and I was her favorite. None of my siblings will argue on that. At the age of 40, Dad said, "I'm happy you were there for her. You handled the side of her I couldn't." Dad's comment will make sense when you hear the rest of the story.

Part I - the early years

Mom grew up dirt poor. Her parents were raging alcoholics. Her mother died when I was very young. My only memory of her funeral was my sister Miriam saying, "It's too bad you'll never know her." 

Mom was born on August 11, 1934. She was the second oldest of a family with 5 girls and one boy. 

Because they were poor Mom took baby siting jobs as young as she possibly could. The rule: When she returned home she had to leave her pay on the kitchen table. Most days she'd wake up and see the money was gone. 

Her parents were, unfortunately, physically abusive alcoholics. 

The best thing that happened for Mom was meeting Merlon Kranz. Dad was tall, good looking and drove a nice car. As I noted in my eulogy for Dad, it's self-serving for me to refer to Dad as good looking because I am physically mini-Merlon - but I didn't drive a nice car in HS.

On the night of graduation of Mom's graduation Mom was beaten badly and Merlon rescued Joyce by taking her to her best friend Miriam to stay. That my sister is named Miriam is not a coincidence.

A few months later Mom turned 18. That's the age where two people can legally marry without the consent of their parents. On August 11, 1952, Mom and Dad were married. 

It is worth noting that Mom forgave her father - grandad as we called him. He sobered up and I have nothing but fantastic memories of him.

Part II - Mental Illness

Besides growing up poor, Mom's life was not easy as mental illness and depression - to whatever degree there is a biological component to it - runs deep. Her sister and brother committed suicide and, tragically, so did her son - my brother Mark. 

I was standing in line waiting to fly back to the UAE when I saw the news that Robin Williams had taken his life. I screamed NOOOO  - which is not a good thing to do in an airport. I had to explain quickly to everyone around me and the security guard who rushed up to me the news.

In many ways Mom and Robin had a lot in common: Wickedly funny extroverts who found humor in the darkest places.

This eulogy is not meant to be depressing, so trust me, some of her humor is...

Part III: Wickedly Funny

For approximately 30 years Mom worked for Newhall's lawyer - Dave Weichman. Dave was a super well respected man,. After Mom retired, Dave retired. He said, "I'm too old to adjust to a new secretary." 

To lighten things up let me give you some of Mom's better gags.

On their 25th wedding anniversary she made typed out divorce papers glued them to a giant piece of cardboard and had it served to Dad at work. 

For my 21st birthday she took out an advertisement in the school newspaper: "The friends, classmates, and fraternity brothers regret to announce that Steve Kranz's surprise birthday party has been canceled due to lack of interest."

More than once she said, "You should be happy abortion was not legal in 1968 - you might not be here if it was."

Strike that one.

So yes, wickedly funny AND very dark.

Part IV: Systemic Lupus

Mom suffered from systemic lupus, a disease that by cosmic coincidence my mentor also suffered from. It's an auto-immune disease that can attack any part of the part of the body. My mentor suffered through it nobly. After an operation that removed a chunk of bone from his arm to be replaced by a metal rod he commented that he was lucky. "Lucky," I replied incredulously. "No, really, I mean it, if the lupus attacks my brain I'm dead in less than 24 hours.

Mom did not take gracefully. She embraced lupus as her right to say or do anything. At the 2004 Ford family reunion Mom announced to all present, "I have less than a year to live." Sitting across from her I rolled my eyes. When she sat down I said, "So what are you going to tell them when you are here next year?" Spoiler alert: Mom lived another 7 years.

BTW, if you have ever noticed my white spots - that's a sign I also have have an auto-immune disorder... fortunately, knock on wood, only my thyroid has shut down. 

Part V: The Extrovert's Extrovert

Extroverts are people who crave an audience. We extroverts gain energy from those around us. Introverts gain energy from time alone. Mom was the extrovert's extrovert married to the introvert's introvert... 

You know those people who feel compelled to talk to other people in the checkout line? That was Mom. This actually served us well. Mom befriended all of the staff at the local Eagle's grocery store. Once a year the manager would stop Mom as she was about to pay for the week's groceries and say, "It's on us. Now, go to Hy-Vee buy exactly the same products, we will reimburse you." Eagles used Mom as a secret shopper. Whatever Mom found that was significantly cheaper at Eagles would then appear in a TV ad for Eagles. Thanks to Mom's extroversion we received two weeks of groceries for free.

In High School, I encouraged Mom to join the mother's who supported the fine arts - the theater, the madrigal, etc. She did... and Joyce being Joyce... she asked, "Would any of you like to try a salty dog?" The ladies were intrigued so Mom made a huge batch. By introducing alcohol and fun to the group she was instantly popular and elected President the following year.

When I did Dad's eulogy I came to the conclusion that at his core my father was an introverted brilliant mathmetician who didn't get to do what he loved most - math - but was able to OK with himself because he provided a good life for his wife and kids.

I have struggled with how to characterize Mom. Mom was truly troubled and had demons she couldn't share with Dad nor me. At one point Dad and I were at wits end and by Iowa law it takes two adults to say someone needs to be committed for them to be committed for a psych evaluation. Mom realized we had reached that point so she went in voluntarily and as one of the nurses put it, "Joyce could win an Oscar for her performance in here." Mom was released before they could find something to help her.

Mom and Spellman - my mentor - also suffered from systemic lupus. Spellman connected her to the world's leading doctor on the illness at the University of Iowa. Whereas Spellman saw lupus as a disease to be overcome, Mom saw it as a way to get an audience. 

My greatest WTF moment with mom was in 2004 when she announced to the Ford family reunion that she had less than a year to live. Spoiler alert: Mom lived for another 7 years.

Mom's relationship with her sisters - particularly Leona and Ruth is my favorite memories of her. Mom was the older sister who knew she had a built in fan base with her younger siblings.

Mom is/was the extovert's extrovert. She married the introverted mathmetician and at some point had me. I am mini-Joyce.  More than once I asked them how they first dated.

Mom: He drove a nice car.

Dad: I knew immediately I loved her. (He later explained she made him laugh... given how German his background is... it makes sense)

When I moved to the UAE I started writing a blog. Why? Mom very much loved me and wanted to know I was safe. Blogging was my way of letting her know I'm OK. 

In the summer of 2011 Mom insisted all of us kids gather for their 59th wedding anniversary. Mom was doing great physically and emotionally so I challenged her. "Why not wait until the 60th?" I asked. She burst into tears and said do this for ME. "Yes, Mommie Dearest" I replied and she immediately laughed.

As a teenager Mom and watched that classic movie. If either of us went too far she'd same to me, "Don't make me get the wire coat hangers." and I'd say to her, "Yes, Mommie Dearest." 

I have not almost died of shingles as she had by my age... or been diagnosed for lupus as she had been at my age... but my vitaligo is proof enough the auto-immune genes from Mom's side of the family are part of me. 

 Iowa is less than 1% of the population of the United States yet has two universities in top 50. In other words, we punch above our weight.

In politics, Iowa has the privilege of going first. Bottom line? Unless a candidate finishes in the Top 3 in Iowa, their chance of getting their party's nomination is dead. The one notable exception is Joe Biden who came in 5th in 2020.

In 2020 172k Iowa Democrats caucused. Me? I flew home to support Pete Buttigieg. 

On January 15, 2024, we Iowa Democrats can still play a role but this time? This time let's help the Republicans by supporting someone on their side who is sane.

What does that mean?

1. Accept that the 2020 election was fair.

2. Support democracy.

3. Support the rule of law.

In 2016 John Kasich would have been the right candidate for our side to have supported in the caucus. We have yet to see who will be the John Kasich of 2024 but... but the clock is ticking and we Iowa Democrats must pay attention. 

Today is Rahul Kumar's birthday. Rahul is one of the most insightful intelligent person I've met. My favorite moment with him was when I somehow scored higher than him on an International Econ exam. I started doing a victory dance to which his response was:

1. You need to get a life
2. You can't dance.

He was, of course, right on both counts.

As Student Body President at Coe I had the honor(?) of calling #FlunkDay and a budget to produce the Flunk Day newspaper, for which I recruited Denise to edit. She did an amazing job and most #Kohawks credit it as the best one ever produced.

My only request of her was to give me the back page. I had some grievances. And I had some kudos to give.

I won't get into the grievances but for the kudos it was a backhanded attempt of displaying my love for Rahul and my disdain for my alma mater's leadership in how they treated him. 

Rahul Kumar:

1. Steve: Please remember me after you make your first million.
2. President Brown: Please remember Coe after you make your first million.
3. Dean Phifer: Please forget everything I said about history being about white people.

I was out of office but called to President Brown's office after this came out. He was offended. I said, "Is it not factually true?" 

"Yes," he replied, "but you shouldn't have put it in." I rolled my eyes.

Bottom line: Rahul was right; calling out Coe's curriculum in 1991 was the right thing to do. I stand by my friend now and always will. 

Stranger Danger

 Growing up in rural Iowa affords parents a certain level of safety. The reason your children are safe is that the community is close-knit. If someone does something evil it will be remembered FOREVER and the shame that it brings upon the family won't magically disappear. 

When I was 6 my brother Marty - an 11 year old - and I went to the Newhall park while Mom and Dad spent time at Theresa's - Newhall's popular bar at the time. I loved the tornado slide. I could go down that over and over for hours.

On this particular day, the Claypool brothers = a bit older than Marty were there. They not good people. One of the first things they did was pee down the tornado slide. 

Not the Newhall Tornado slide, but an exact replica 

Oscar Wilde wrote, "Everything is about sex... except sex. Sex is about power." 

These older boys then tried to molest Marty and me. I don't think they were gay. I think it was about power. They were older and bigger than us so they wanted to assert their dominance. 

Marty and I escaped and returned to the bar much earlier than Mom & Dad expected. Marty didn't want to tell them what happened. Me? I told them exactly what happened. 

The rage Dad went into is something I will never forget. He tore off in the car to their house, ordered Marty to knock on their door and bring them out. (Mom, knowing Dad as well as she did insisted he stay in the car.) 

So the brothers came out and my father screamed louder than I have ever heard him scream. "If you ever lay a hand on either of my sons again, I will rip your balls off so help me God. Do you understand?"

"Yes, sir," they replied sheepishly.

*****

I am not a parent, but I understand the need to teach your children about stranger danger. Quite simply, there are a lot of bad people in this world. 

I have no regrets being single but when I think back to the story I just told...Dad was lucky he had Mom. If a six year old Steve had told me he had been molested? I'd have reacted exactly the same way as Dad did and without a Joyce in my life? I might well have ended up in jail that night. 

Oscar Wilde's quote is an interesting debate for another day. For today, Marty & I were lucky we had Dad. Dad was lucky he had Mom. 

And in honor of #PrideMonth, there is zero connection between being gay and being a pedophile. So teach your children to be aware of stranger danger. But don't teach them hate.