Things that you go "Hmm"

Pooh was finally old enough to leave the house. Christopher Robbin just couldn't let go.

Happy Halloween

I had hoped to write a nice Halloween post, but the Hawks scared me too much to be coherent.

Also, watching Republicans throwing one of their own under the bus is a scary Halloween image. So now I'm back to rooting for the Dem. No jackass that doesn't even live in the district should get elected simply because he gives Fred Thomson a hard on without those little blue pills.

NY 23: Scozzafava drops out

The candidate selected by the Republican county chairman in the district has dropped out of the race. Why? She wasn't Republican enough. Want to run for office as a Republican? You had better believe:

• cutting taxes is the answer to everything
• climate change is a myth
• oppose a woman's right to choose
• guns are great
• bashing gays is a fun family activity

Even though the Conservative candidate doesn't even live in the district he will likely coast to victory. And the Republican party lurches further to the right.

NY 23: No idea who I'm rooting for

The very reliably Republican district in northern New York is holding its election next week and I see upside to each of the candidates winning:

Democrat Owens winning would be good because it would show that Democrats win when anger and hatred divide the Republican party. The victory would be short lived, as this district is sure to go Republican in the next election.

Republican Scozzfava winning would be a rebuke to those on the far right. It would also be a sign that the national Republican party might be able to become a big tent again. While this would be the worse outcome for my party, it would be the best outcome for the nation.

Conservative Hoffman winning would be great for my party. It would send the signal that to all Republicans that they have to go for far right or face a challenger. A record low 20% of Americans identify themselves as Republican and if Hoffman is elected there's no reason to believe this number will go up. While this is arguably the best result for Democrats, it's probably the worst result for the country.

Chimps mourn, too

I did not intend for there to be a "death theme" today...

This story has gone viral: A long time abused chimp in her forties made a lot of friends after she was rescued 9 years ago. After her death they watched her burial:

"Some chimps displayed aggression while others barked in frustration. But perhaps the most stunning was a recurring, almost tangible silence. If one knows chimpanzees, then one knows that they are not usually silent creatures."

Facebook memorial

It's good to know that friends and family will be able to remember you forever by what you LOL'd on your FaceBook page.

In all seriousness, I do think it's a nice cyber-way to pay tribute. Here's to the hope I don't have to do it for anyone on my FaceBook list for a long, long time.

Presidential moments

There are moments when a President being a Presidential leader can make all Americans proud.  The images that came to my mind were President Clinton hugging a girl whose family had lost everything in the 1993 floods (can't the image on the internet) and George W. Bush standing on the wreckage of the World Trade Center with his “I can hear you” speech:

Add to the list President Obama’s trip to Andover to salute those who have died for our freedom:

Blog update

This marks the 1000th post of the year. I had hoped to commemorate with a special picture but it didn't turn out. I hope to retake it and get it posted soon.

For now you'll have to settle for a graph:
On Monday 141 unique visitors came to the blog, which set a new record. The reason? I posted the picture of me drinking a Pepsi on FaceBook. Many of my friends had to come to the blog to find out what catastrophic event caused that.

Here's something I've noticed: My traffic increases as I post more items per day. Meaning if I post five times a day for a week I get a flood of Google searches coming to my blog even if the search takes them to a post that is months old. If I post only once or twice a day my ranking on a Google search goes down.

Of all of my posts there's only one that I really want to be first on the Google search. This summer, when I wasn't posting as much, I slipped to fourth. Now that I'm posting more I'm back in first place.

And that's a first place I'll fight to keep.

Newt the moderate

Want to know how far right the conservatives and Republican party have gone? Newt Gingrich, fiery leader of the movement to the right 15 years ago, is now considered too mainstream to be a serious candidate for President.

PoliticalWire rounds up the comments.

His latest aposty? He endorsed the Republican (not the Conservative Party) in New York's special election.

Oh, the horrors! The former Republican Speaker of the House endorsed the Republican candidate in an election. I will need to order some more popcorn; this slow motion train wreck has a long way to go.

Plant souk

Buying plants at stores here is expensive - $40 for a small house plant.  Instead, most people go to the outdoor plant souk.  The bay above has everything from tiny cacti to small trees.  The souk has 10 bays like this. 

Plants at the souk are very cheap.  An entire box of petunias (24 plants) is $6.  I don’t know the price of petunias in the US, but $.25 per plant seems cheap. 

I bought a bunch of small and large plants.  Now we’ll have to see how it takes for me to kill them.

America's Cup

America's Cup - the sailing competition that I don't think many in America follow - was slated to begin in February in RAK (one of the seven Emirates that makes up this country). RAK spent $120 million building infrastructure to help lure the race here.

The race pits a US team against a Swiss team. The American team filed a lawsuit to keep the race out of the Persian Gulf. A moronic congressman Edward Royce backed their concern that it would be unsafe to run the race so close to Iran.

I've been following the story for the past couple of weeks and I was sure the US courts would throw out the complaint because it is ridiculous to think Iran would take shots at a sailboat.

Today the courts ruled that RAK cannot host the race... not for the reason of security but a clause that stipulates that races in the northern hemisphere can't be held between November 1 and April 1.

This will certainly have negative fallout here because most won't know the reason why the judge ruled the way she did. It will be passed off as another discriminatory act by a country that is prejudiced against the middle east.

So what was the real reason the American team didn't want to compete here? The Swiss have been practicing here for months and know the waters of the Gulf much better. It had nothing to do with security.

Amazing Race

Here's part of the story I couldn't tell before: Ann's husband Mike is a freelance videographer and he worked the Amazing Race this summer for its two episodes shot in Dubai.

Having finally watched the episodes there were several things I found humorous. First would be picking Dubai for a summer race. I couldn't believe they sent the contestants out in the desert to look for water. I am pretty sure I'd have had a heat stroke.

I enjoyed watching one couple get lost and take forever to find their way back. For me, that's a common experience in Dubai. Also, a couple of times they showed signs to Al Ain. The couple that got lost were actually headed to the city where I live... 90 miles from Dubai.

The Amazing Race had a first: One couple could have easily qualified for the next round but one of them refused to go down a long waterslide. The team of Globetrotters passed them and the couple was out of the race.

One of my dislikes of the show is that give no sense of time. How long did she stand there crying about going down the slide? According to Mike it was several hours.

Quote of the day: Matt McCoy

State Senator Matt McCoy observes:

Look at the costs associated with maintaining more than 1,000 townships and cities in Iowa. With more than 70 percent of our population living within 10 counties, 1,000 townships and 99 counties are an antiquated way of doing government business. In the past year, Adams County had 54 live births. They file as many real estate transactions in a year as Polk County files in a day. Yet we maintain a county structure that supports both a county recorder and a county treasurer in Adams County. Why would we continue to deliver services this way?

It's easy for a guy in Des Moines to tell rural counties they have to merge with other counties, but on the substance he's right. It's ridiculous to maintain 99 fiefdoms in Iowa.

He has some other ideas like combining the State Patrol with Vehicle Enforcement and reducing the number of superintendents in the state. McCoy believes Iowa's legislature could set a good example by cutting the number of representatives from 100 to 50 and the number of senators from 50 to 25.

Seeing any of this happen is about as likely as electing a black man president. Err, wait a minute...

It's what all the cool Republicans are doing

There's a special election to be held in New York and Republicans are lining up... but not behind the Republican candidate.

The Republican candidate was picked by the state party and has the full backing of Newt and the NRA. Her sin? She's pro-choice.

In New York there's an active Conservative Party and Republican activists are tripping over themselves to support the Conservative Party candidate. Sarah Palin jumped in last week. So has Pawlenty. Huckabee won't endorse but says he agrees with him on everything.

This district is a rock solid Republican district. It hasn't elected a Democrat since the 19th century. But now with the Republican vote split it looks likely that the Democrat will win.

Without a doubt, Republicans are in a battle for the soul of the party. They're going to go hard right for a few years, eat their own and eventually see the light... just like Democrats in the 1980's.

It's time to make popcorn. This is gonna be fun to watch.

Update: Fred Thomson has not only endorsed, he's done a TV ad for the Conservative Party Candidate.

Today's sip of the Kool-aid

Iowa will get over 25,000 tickets when we go to the Rose Bowl...

Facebook quote of the day

Last week a student wanted to show me something on FB. I friended him so I could see it. I'm thinking he forgot. Here's his status update tonight:

i have fucking management exam next Wednesday and i know nothing about it XD management =shit

I've considered adding a comment, "Yes, and I hear the professor is a real jerk!"

Update: While I was writing this blog post the student sent me an instant message. We talked for over an hour. He completely forgot what he had written as his status update. I brought it up and he felt bad... probably with a sorrowful, heavy heart.

I laughed and added the "Yes, and I hear the professor is a real jerk who does nothing but drink Coke all day... oh, wait... that would be me...." to his status.

He responded with: "mmmm, no, he is cool, but yes he drink Coke all day and now I drink Coke all day too. :P"

He's a new student so I won't take offense to his trying to suck up. My regular students know that I don't care for suck-ups. (One of my all-time favorite students at Hamilton rolled her eyes on several of my stories.)

Test week

I'm giving midterms all week. I have Sunday/Tuesday and Monday/Wednesday classes. I gave all my classes the choice of taking the midterm on either day they wanted but they had to pick in advance. I told them that if they changed the day after last Wednesday there would be a penalty of 10%.

Now I'm getting a flood of e-mails from student who were supposed to take the test over the past two days and didn't.

I expect the complaining to intensify next week when they get their tests back.

***********

Also, I don't think I'll ever get used to the level of cheating. I warned a student today... saw him do it again and I ripped the test away from him. I go from zero to 100 in anger in less than a second. "Get out of this room now!" I yelled. He started saying something and I stopped him.

In other departments it is the culture to give the student a zero. In my department it is common to grade what has been completed and give a zero on what you know they have cheated on. Since it was near the end of the test he had almost everything done.

As expected he waited in the hallway until everyone left and came in to plead his case. He was trying to explain somehow that he hadn't really cheated. I interrupted him by saying he'd get credit for the test. He continued justifying his actions. I stopped him again, "I said you are getting credit for the test. You are not being penalized. Why are you still talking?"

Direct quote:

"Because my heart is saddened that you are angry with me. My heart is heavy."

Oh, how many times have I heard about a heavy, sad heart. Some days I long for teaching in the US where my students don't really care what I think about them and the feeling is mutual. I am certain 98% of Americans students would not have a heavy, sorrowful heart if I caught them cheating but still gave them full credit.

They'd be saying, "Suuuckerrrr!"

Climb it, Tarzan!

Now that I've admitted how little I know about internet slang I thought I'd look up phrases from the 60's

There were several I remember and wish were still used. Unfortunately, I think Dukes of Hazzard killed "dipstick." And while I still use "padiddle" I've received enough strange looks over the years to know it's not commonly used.

At least one has a different meaning (to me at least): When you hear someone is "loaded" do you think he is rich or drunk? I'd think rich if it was not preceded by "He came from a bar..."

Of the ones I've never heard before there were two I really liked. The first is "Climb it, Tarzan!" A phrase to be used while flipping someone off. I won't start flipping people off but I hope I can work "Climb it, Tarzan!" into everyday conversations. It sounds supportive while you're silently mocking them.

And finally, I regret that I never spent the night at a "passion pit."

I had a chance once, but I was a child and it started to rain.

It's for a good cause

The picture is real... no photoshop used here. Some Bible thumpers have called for a boycott of Pepsi. Apparently Pepsi is not homophobic enough for them. I'd provide the link but I have no desire to further their cause.

Instead I bought a Pepsi and drank all of it what I was able to choke down.

I’m old enough to remember when the forces of hate had power. They still do but big corporations have realized it’s in their interest to ignore them.

******
From what I've been told Pepsi here is made with real sugar so it tastes just like it did in the US 30 years ago.

Hawks are #1

Forget those biased humans. Computers run the numbers dispassionately. The BCS uses six computers to deliver a crack analysis of every major team. Of those six computers five rank Iowa as #1 and one ranks Iowa #4. For each team they throw out the highest rank and lowest rank and take an average of the remaining four.

That means Iowa is a unanimous #1 for the computers. Forget playing a boring January 1 bowl game. Iowa will be playing for the national title on January 7th - once those silly humans drop their anti-Iowa bias.

My-oh-my, the Kool-aid sure tastes sweet today!

Wonderfully productive day

Gave two midterms for operations management. I wrote 4 versions of a midterm for Fundamentals of Management, sent money home, and repotted a bunch of plants. Given the past week, I even cleaned my three toilets in advance of the maid coming tomorrow.

Maybe I need to lose the internet more often.

Day 5 and still no internet

Pardon me for a moment...
Etisilatisanevilmonopolythatchargestoomuch
andtheircustomerservicesucks.

I feel better now.

When test writing becomes geak speak

I know it's time to take a break from writing a test when I find myself writing a question like this:

A system where all employees create goals and their performance is measured against those goals is called:

A. MBO
B. TQM
C. TMI
D. PDA
E. ROFLOL

Drug war

Blood drips from a bullet riddled Hummer. This and other pictures (including a severed head) from the war on drugs can be seen here.

Courtesy of Andrew Sullivan.

Support for Obama

Courtesy of Political Wire: Polling indicates that 14% of those didn't vote for Obama now approve of his performance while 6% of those who voted for Obama disapprove. Public Policy Polling writes, "So he's won over twice as many people as he's lost since he got elected. Who in the national media is going to write that story? Not bad for someone whose support is supposedly falling apart."

Quote of the day: Ferentz

After Iowa's last second, fourth down win over Michigan State, Iowa coach Kirk Ferentz said,

"We give the fans their money's worth."

Yeesh, I'm glad I slept through this game. At 8-0 the Hawks have proved they're both lucky and good.

Color bleeding

Colorfast fabrics are not a given everywhere in the world. Stuff I bought in Nepal, Ukraine and here have all bled. Is there a fix or am I doomed to pink underwear and socks?

Update: Thanks for the advice. I don't care about pink underwear and I'll bleach the hell out of the socks. It's my formerly off-white shorts that I'm not happy about.

Internet addiction

Yet another day with no internet. I've been reduced to multiple trips to campus and internet coffee shops. I'm in withdrawal to not have constant access to the information superhighway. Back home I have little to do but watch TV and play Freecell.

By the way, the new version of freecell lets you go back as many steps as you want... and if you lose a game you can try again with no penalty.

Gee, that takes all the fun out of the game.

Not much need for a fly swatter

I've been rather critical of the place I live over the past few days... from food poisoning to bizarre toilets to obnoxious body odor. Perhaps I was even too harsh on the hookers I encountered last week.

Since I'm in a more charitable mood I have to say something positive: This place has few bugs. I'm not sure if it is the dry climate or spraying chemicals that would never be allowed in the US but this place is (relatively) bug free.

'Cause we made them our bitches!

McCain's male voters' testosterone levels decreased on election day after learning McCain had lost.

Sorry about the title. I couldn't resist.

But you look very nice!

I'm sitting at Cosi's, a restaurant that offers internet service, and a guy just walked by in a nice shirt and tie. A second later the mind-blowing body odor hit me.

I'm constantly amazed at how many professional people here have such incredibly bad hygiene. Sure, we have plenty of stinkers in the US but the ratio here is higher than it should be.

Coe's eco-house

Four Coe students are trying to minimize their carbon footprint and live as environmentally-friendly as possible.

It's a nice, feel-good story.

There's one line, however that made me chuckle, "The four have buying produce at farmers markets, worked at an organic farm in exchange for fresh vegetables, walk or bike to campus..."

Coe is four blocks long and two blocks wide and this house is two blocks from campus. Of course they walk to campus! Finding a parking spot would take more time.

Internet service

For the past two days I've had no internet service. With Friday being the religious day of the week there's no chance of it getting fixed today. I'm writing this (and the posts below) from a classroom on the men's campus.

If there is one universal truth it is that monopolies charge too much and provide terrible service.

Phone woes

In the US I use the phone on the right.  I like the phone and was pretty happy when I found the same phone here.  Phones here are sold differently.  Customers pay more for the phone upfront but then have no monthly contract.  The phone cost me $300 last fall… a steep price but I’ve paid less than $20/month since then.  This system is definitely cheaper.  
  The phones appeared to be identical.  Both were made by Samsung.  Both came with a small screen in front and a large screen on the back.
  They even came with the same case that doubled as a backup battery (the feature that sold me on the phone in the US). 

Unfortunately, the model here didn’t work like the one in the US.  It was like I had purchased a cheap Chinese knock-off.  Since I bought it at Radio Shack I decided to take it back.  I made it to the mall 48 hours later only to find that Radio Shack had closed… permanently.

Birthday dinner

A friend threw a surprise birthday dinner last night. Since my birthday was last month it really was a surprise. My birthday fell on the eve of vacation so she decided to postpone it to this month. The dinner was fantastic (she’s a great cook) and she even had made Coke bottle candles.

Nice touch.

From the department of “eww…”

This is an odd toilet. It’s not a bowl. That’s a flat surface behind the drain. So if you do your business it just sits there on the flat surface until you flush.

But, hey, I’m not complaining. At least the place had toilet paper. In my dozen trips per day (thanks to the lingering food poisoning) I’m happy if the place has toilet paper.

Pricing Depends

This is the third time in 14 months that Ann and I have had food poisoning together. (I had another bout on my own shortly after coming back here in August.) She has it worse than me this time because she ate more of the tainted food (salsa at Chi-Chi's) than I did. We both thought the salsa tasted a little strange but we still ate it.

It was easy to pinpoint what gave it to us this time because it was the only food we've shared.

Compared to the August 2008 and August 2009 trips to the InterContinental this round is mild. Still, I'm seriously considering stocking up on Depends...

Iowa's anti-Mormon bias?

It's never too early to talk about the next election and Marc Ambinder is looking to handicap the Iowa caucuses 27 months before they will happen. (Imagine doing this analysis in October 2005. How many would have predicted Barack Obama would win the Iowa caucuses? Anybody? Oh well, let's go on with the charade.)

His main point is that if Palin and Huckabee are both in Romney may try in Iowa. Reasoning: The first two will split the evangelical wing of the party and Romney could win with the remainders.

If Palin stays out Romney will stay out... opting for the McCain "skip Iowa" strategy. The reason writes Ambinder:

"Mitt Romney won't attribute his loss in Iowa to anti-Mormon bias, but plenty of his advisers are willing to go there."

Really? Iowa has an anti-Mormon bias? The only thing negative comment I heard in the 40 years I lived in Iowa was a prayer that they wouldn't come to your door.

The notion that somehow Iowa is more (or less) anti-Mormon than any other part of the country is ridiculous. But only a small percentage of Iowans will participate in the 2012 caucus. The perception is that Iowa's Republican party is dominated by Bible thumping right wingers that will never fully support a maverick (McCain) or a Mormon (Romney).

Romney's people seem to forget that in the summer of 2007 he led all Republicans in polls in Iowa and crushed his competition at the 2007 Straw Poll in Ames.

Apparently sometime between the summer of 2007 and January 2008 Iowa Republicans suddenly became anti-Mormon.

Or maybe Huckabee ran a better campaign. Romney's people would rather blame their failure on prejudiced Iowans... and that's not fair... not even for Iowa Republicans.

Balko speaks

I don't normally read celebrities dishing on other celebrities... particular when the celebrity is Bronson Pinchot, whose work I've never watched. (I guess he was in Risky Business but I don't remember him.)

Somehow, though, I found his candor in this interview very interesting.

Costly data

The iPhone 3GS is coming to the Emirates. This is pretty speedy considering the i-Phone 3G first appeared this spring and the original iPhone never came here. I am seriously considering it because I need a new phone and, well, the 3GS is S-W-E-E-T.

One of my students is Japanese and he has one. (Note here: Americans cannot easily take their phones anywhere else in the world and use them. The rest of the world is not as backwards as the US on locking you to a cell phone provider.) Among the cool features is the built in GPS. Type in a name of a landmark or business and it displays a detailed map that's easy to zoom in and out.

To experiment I tried "Novotel Abu Dhabi." Had I had this phone last week I wouldn't have spent two fruitless hours searching for the place. (Can you tell I'm doing my best to justify the purchase?)
One of the plans I'm looking at offers 1 Gig of data per month free. Nice, I thought, but what if you go over that? The price for the next Gig is $2717.

If this were the 70's I’d cut to this:

But if this were the 70’s the iPhone would like a Dick Tracy fantasy.

Slightly warmer winter ahead

The NWS predicts a slight chance of a warmer than normal winter. Precipitation is expected to be near normal... which after the past two snowy winters normal in Iowa would be pretty good.

Of course, all of you could have predicted a warmer than normal winter when I announced I wouldn't be coming home in January.

Why you should always do photos before the ceremony

I know photographers who will refuse to do weddings where the formal pictures are done after the wedding. After doing a couple of those weddings I learned why: It is much too stressful to crank out decent pictures while the guests are heading to the reception hall. The worst for me was a wedding in Brooklyn, NY, where the priest couldn’t find the park for the wedding. The wedding started 90 minutes late and the couple refused to do any pictures before the ceremony. After the ceremony I had 15 minutes to capture all the family pics… and this was a large family.

If I still planned to do wedding photography I’d show this clip to the bride and groom.

Iowa Hawkeyes

My alma mater is currently 7-0 and sitting alone at the top of the Big Ten.  Iowa fans are yelling about the lack of respect given the team and many are saying “FINALLY!” when the BCS computers ranked Iowa as sixth in the nation.

I’m happy for the Hawks.  I’m happy for my state – we need something to cheer about… but sixth?  Really?  The team that almost lost to Northern Iowa is sixth in the nation?  Had a couple of plays gone the other way Iowa could have two or three losses by now. 

Oh well, I’ll drink the Kool aid…  The Hawks are going to the Rose Bowl!  The Hawks are going to the Rose Bowl!

Amazing Race

The Amazing Race made a stop in Dubai this summer. They are airing the episodes last Sunday (oops) and next Sunday.

Oh, joy

I have had more gastrointestinal problems in the 14 months I've been here than I have any decade of my life. I'd like to think I'd build up some type intestinal fortitude but Ann's been here 8 years and she's been afflicted pretty much every time I have.

This is just-plain-not-fun.

Obama’s conspiracy to get you to volunteer

I had no idea that Chairman Mao the President controlled the media to push volunteerism.

More volunteering? What bastards! Thanks, Glenn, for setting us straight.

BTW, I wasn't joking on the Chairman Mao bit... I learned in the clip that Beck's put a guy looking like Chairman Mao in his studio. Amazing, amazing stuff.

Winner: Middle Eastern International Film Festival

I saw 3 movies out of the dozens shown but I guess I was lucky enough to see the movie that won: Persian Cats. I have already wrote about it here.

Congratulations to the movie makers who are now trying to find asylum in other countries. From what I've heard several stars are holed up near to where I am. They would be welcome to stay in my two guest bedrooms if they need a place while seeking asylum. Given the reaction in the theatre I'm sure many others made the same offer.

Question of the day: DOA

Can Iowa can up with a better acronym for helping the elderly than DOA? In Iowa DOA stands for Department Of Aging. Department Of Elderly Affairs would be better. DOEA would be just a bit better than Dead On Arrival.

Confederates in Brazil

Oddly, I found this weeks ago while doing research on Ukraine. American Confederates, so unhappy that the North won the Civil War, left the country for Brazil.

Now if only the tea baggers would follow them.

(Creepy) quote of the day

A man in his 40's posed as a 17 year old boy to lure teenage girls into performing him on webcam. When he was met by one of his 14 year old victims in person he said:

"I'm the same person, just older. I'm not as hot and I'm chubby. I'm lonely and I hate being old."

In his time posing as a teen he collected over a hundred webcams of teenage girls.

Gee, I thought only guys would be stupid enough to do that.

*******

Hmm... for the last line I wanted to place a link to a post I wrote months ago about a teenage male who created a fake female profile on FaceBook and convinced 30 guys to send him pictures. I can't find that post. Do any of you vaguely remember that story or is it another disappearing post on Blogger?

Remember this picture...

... when you hear Fox News analysts criticizing the health care reform bill. The doctor who produced this sleazy picture was later a guest analyst for Glenn Beck.

Out of the blue

Ryan is a friend in his mid-20's. He's been doing great since graduating from Coe... passed the CPA tests within a year... went from one good job to another and recently took an awesome job at Principal International in Des Moines (a couple of times a year they'll fly him across the world to work for a couple of weeks). Being closer to his girlfriend - a lawyer who does occasional ag reports for WHO - was a bonus.

This weekend his world was turned upside down as his mother was killed in a car accident at a rural intersection.

Anyone who's spent much time driving in rural Iowa has had close calls. Unmarked intersections where trees (or corn) obstruct the view are just plain scary. The rule of "yield to the driver on the right" is meaningless on those roads.

The only time I remember meeting Ryan's mom was at a dinner his parents hosted for his graduation. She was very nice and it was clear this was a family that loved each other. The loss to Ryan, Ryan's father, older sister and teenage brother must be beyond measure.

And completely out of the blue.

Seeing the Golden Arches

Each dot represents a McDonald's in the US. Anywhere in the lower 48 there's a McDonald's nearby.

I find that very reassuring and wonder how the west was won without the vision of the golden arches in the distance.

In case you weren't aware

It's been a cold October with highs not even coming close to normal in Cedar Rapids... just in case you weren't aware.

BTW, we may... just may have passed our last day of over 100 degrees in Al Ain. It's getting to be nice at night and not killer heat during the day.

Pay to play

On Thursday we arrived back at the hotel after a very long day. Ann is dead tired and so am I but getting to sleep before 1AM is never an option for me. We see a bar next to the hotel with a crowd of Indians and Filipinos waiting to get in. Ann urges, “You have to go and give me a full report.” Everything that follows is Ann’s fault because I was more than willing to go to the hotel room, take an Ambien and call it a night.

I stood ten feet from the bar’s entrance and watched. The guys begged to get in. A very finely dressed woman approached and was let in without question. I thought, “Oh, if only Ann were with me we’d be in by now.”

Shortly after 3 white guys emerged with a Filipina who was clearly a prostitute. I started laughing and the three Filipino guys next to me found that funny.

Then a white guy came up and asked, “Where are you from?” He said he was from Scotland and followed with “Are you waiting to get in here?”

I replied, “Kinda.”

I found out since I was staying at the Novotel I automatically get in.

Score!

We walk up three flights of stairs and enter the bar. The bar needs description: There’s a band with six Filipina women singing cover songs. They are wearing red panties and bras and other than the occasional body piercing, nothing else.

Despite the crowd out front, the bar inside is mostly white. Check that. The men are mostly white. The women are 100% Filipinas and dressed to kill. I looked long and hard and there was not a western woman to be found. Had Ann joined me she would have been unique.

The guy leading me in takes me to the bar and buys me a Bud. We are quickly swarmed. I’ve never had so many women caressing my arm, chest and ass. The guy with me is in search of a specific woman. He asks around for her and finds her. He’s also asking for her “special friend.” I was too stupid to realize that he was asking for the special friend for me.

The special friend arrived and she gave me the works. I don’t think there’s a body part between my knees and eyes that was not caressed. I tried my best to say I’m engaged and my fiancé is back in the hotel room… but nothing worked. I finally had to walk run away.

The Scot was upset at rebuff.  He insisted I tell her that she is very attractive and that I’m sorry I’m not up for it tonight.

I’ve been to bars with hookers. I’ve never been to a bar where the ratio of men to hookers was 2:1. There were at least 100 prostitutes in this place and at least 20 of them gave me a touch or feel to let me know I’m special.

I swear to God I’m not making this up: The songs the cover band – wearing panties and bras – played in the short time I was there were, “How do I get you alone?” and Tina Turner’s “Private Dancer… a Dancer for Money” As I was quickly heading to the exit the six singing performers were doing a demonstration of their yoga abilities. At least that’s what I told myself as all six laid on their backs and pulled their legs behind their ears.

I will become tired of living abroad if I don’t have new experiences. It’s safe to say tonight will keep me satiated for months.

My greatest regret of the night: I didn’t find out how much time with the “special friend” would have cost.

Balloon boy

At times when I see the US obsessing over things like the balloon boy I am grateful I am not living in the country.

Blog of the week: Halloween images

Here's a photography website dedicated to horror images. My favorite is here. It brings back childhood memories. The basement stairs in my house were the same and I was quite certain every time I went down them that something was about to grab my ankles.

The baby was not harmed during this shoot. After 45 minutes of a happy baby Mom stepped out of the room and the baby started to cry. I have loved reading the details of his work at his blog.

What I learned at the Middle Eastern Film Festival

In addition to the Capitalism movie I attended a movie about the underground music scene in Tehran and a documentary about endangered chameleons in Greece.

In the Iranian movie there's a scene that should be required viewing for anyone coming to live in the middle east. A man selling bootleg CD's and alcohol was caught and brought before a judge. Here's a summary:

Man: I don't sell CD's. I have no job. I have to beg for scraps of food. I didn't do it.

Judge: What about the alcohol?

Man: It was not mine. It was... (long convoluted story)... I swear on Allah's name it was not mine.

Judge: Don't swear on Allah's name.

Man: On my mother's name...

The judge imposes a steep fine with many lashes. Then the groveling goes into high gear.

Man: I'm a peasant. You can't do this to me! I'm lower than a dog's belly. I have nothing. I try to be a good Muslim. I'm doing the best I can. I have to provide food for my mother, she is sick...

This goes on for a good five minutes and he eventually wears the judge down. The fine is reduced to mere change and the lashes dropped altogether.

As the man leaves he brags to the friend, "By the end the judge wished he could give me money!"

When I arrived I was woefully unprepared for students' ability to put on a show like this. They wore me down and I gave in left and right a year ago. If I had seen this scene before arriving I would have thought it was done for theatrical reasons. Nobody really grovels like this, right?

Ha! I laugh at my formerly naive self.

*****

In the Chameleon Beach movie I learned quite a bit about chameleons. Their ability to change color quickly is impressive but they don't do it for camouflage as much as they do it to express mood. Dark spots show anxiety and they turn pure black when they are enraged. A pregnant female almost glows green to signal to males not to waste their time.

Outside of mating chameleons don't like to hang out with each other. Males will fight for dominance and whichever one wins he'll lie on top of other. He'll slowly rub his chin up and down the vanquished chameleon's back. Quite clearly he's saying, "I own you, bitch."

That's been your National Geographic lesson for the day. Tune in tomorrow to learn about the courtship rituals at a Filipino hooker bar.

Capitalism: The longer review

I loved Moore's first documentary Roger and Me. I saw it when I was in college and I was hooked. His subsequent movies have ranged from OK (Bowling for Columbine) to good (Sicko) to great (Fahrenheit 911).

Capitalism: A Love Story fails... and fails on several fronts.

First, it didn't know what story it wanted to tell. Is capitalism really bad? If so why does he applaud capitalism in other countries? He makes the point that Germany and Japan got it right. Perhaps the story is that all banks are bad. That's a main thesis but banks do not equal capitalism. Perhaps the story is that all politicians are in bed with bankers. That was another main point in the movie, but again, if he wanted to make the point that capitalism corrupts democracy he failed to connect the dots.

Second, the movie spends 20 - 30 minutes claiming the financial crisis was timed to occur right before the 2008 election. Bear Sterns, Washington Mutual, Lehman Brothers, and AIG all conspired to fail just in time for the run-up to the election. Give me a break. Of course there was no supporting evidence, just a couple of left wing politicians saying, "It looked very suspicious."

Oh, well then, that's enough to convince me.

Third, according to Moore when the House initially voted down TARP it was a victory for the people. It was a symbol of what can happen when the voices of the masses are heard. The flame of revolt was snuffed out the next week by a back room deal. In reality, TARP has been mismanaged but is he claiming America would have been better off without it?

And finally, he ends the movie driving around New York in a Brinks truck stopping at banks asking to take back the money the government lent them. The irony here is that many of the banks have asked the government to take the money back. The government is not willing to take it back yet. (I initially wrote the reason but it's tortured logic and I have no desire to defend the government on this one.)

*****

In Sicko Moore doesn't claim healthcare is bad. He claims America's version of delivering healthcare is bad. Capitalism: A Love Story could have been a great documentary if he tried to make the same case here. Capitalism is not evil in itself, but unregulated capitalism with rules to favor the banking system and screw the population is bad.

But Moore was not able to make that film because he's not able to say "capitalism is good" in any way.

Capitalism: A love story

Review in short: Lame. Since it's 2AM and I just got home I'm not up for writing a longer review. Maybe tomorrow. Maybe not; it's not worth the effort.

Here's my ironic takeaway: Republicans hate Michael Moore because of Sicko, Bowling for Columbine and especially Fahrenheit 911. And they roundly discredited this film without even watching it. If they actually watched it they'd know he bashes Democrats more than Republicans.

Abu Dhabi

It's been a great trip! I spent two unsuccessful hours searching for the hotel (the map had it on the wrong street) and I've been felt up by hookers.

Yippee! What more could an Iowa farmboy ask for on a trip to the big city?

Dow 10,000: A bad thing?

Sometimes I think I'm living in alternate reality. Americans cheer when we lose the Olympics. Many were outraged the President winning the Nobel Peace Prize. And now it would seem that the Dow passing 10,000 is a bad, bad thing.

Huh? Personally, I think the Dow is overvalued and overall stock prices have been inflated beyond reason... but there's nothing bad about the Dow at 10,000. It's much better than the alternative. On March 9 the Dow hit a low of 6547. It's now up an astonishing 53%. Anyone who invested in early March is quite the happy camper.

Yes, Wall Street's profits have mostly come by cutting workers... that's why I think this rally is short-sighted. Those are one-time cost savings. Most companies are not seeing real sales growth. The good news about the profits is that companies have the money to reinvest and, hopefully, that will lead to job creation in the future... but it will likely be very slow job creation.

In other words, we're still screwed, but the Dow hitting 10,000 is a good thing.

Abu Dhabi Film Festival

In the year I've been here I've spent little time outside of Al Ain. I'm hoping to change that this year and it's starting by spending the next two days in Abu Dhabi. Ann plans to see lots of movies at the Abu Dhabi Film Festival. I've signed up for two and plan to spend the rest of the time seeing the city.

One of my movies will be the new Michael Moore "Capitalism: A Love Story."

A choice?

Just when you think we've come a long way...

House Minority Leader John Boehner believes sexual orientation is a choice but that religion is an "immutable characteristic." In others words, people choose whether they are gay or straight but the church they attend is unchangeable.

Really.

Really?

Eye doctor

My first trip to the eye doctor was interesting: The eye exam consisted of a putting on a bulky set of glasses and the doctor manually putting in different lenses. Compared to a US eye exam it was as bare bones as can be... and I appreciated that. I have often wondered why my optometrist in the US gives me a color blind test every time. At this point in life I think I'd notice if I stopped seeing red or green.

Anyhow, the exam was very quick. I told him my old prescription. He added a little more strength and we found a happy setting in five minutes.

The price: Eye exam plus frames with high index lenses for under $90. If my vision wasn't so bad - and I could have had normal lenses - it would have been even cheaper.

Thanksgiving at home?

I have a dilemma and I hope writing about it will help me decide what to do. I have off from Thanksgiving until December 5. I have to decide what to do for those ten days.

Option #1 - Come home

Pro's

• Get to spend Thanksgiving at home
• Spending time with family, friends and dog
• Being able to bring back 30 pounds of Dad's popcorn
• Being able to stand in line at 4AM the day after Thanksgiving for items I don't really need

Con's

• It's a long, expensive ($1200) trip for ten days back home
• It's hard not to spend a lot of money while I'm home

Option #2 - Singapore

Pro's

• My friend Rahul and his family are there
• Visiting a city I've always wanted to visit

Con's

• With ticket prices at $750 it's not much cheaper than going home
• Hotels are pricey (when compared to places like Nepal or Kiev and very pricey compared to my bed on Carriage Dr.)

Option #3 - Thailand

Pro's

• Ann & Mike are going
• It's a place I've always wanted to go

Con's

• Not many... the airfare is a couple hundred bucks and lodging is cheap... but the pro's aren't as high, either

Of course, the fourth option is staying in Al Ain. It's certainly the cheapest. I spent spring break here and it was fun. Many don't go away so it's a social time.

Hmmm... Writing about it didn't help. I'm very equally torn. I must say, however, looking at nearly bare cupboard for popcorn may tip the scales...

Dead flies as art

Worth checking out.

Update: Sorry, about the link problem. I updated it with a link to Google's cache of the link.

Reading Cyrillic

Read the name on the coaster. It looks something like "Abibcke," right? The Cyrillic alphabet has many extra letters and the pronunciation is not the same.

The name above in English is "Lvivski" - the beer that's been brewed for almost 300 years.

Because everything was written in Cyrillic even simple things like a bus chart had to be deciphered.

Fall

The picture above was taken in Lviv.

From what I've heard it hasn't been much of a fall in Iowa... that cold rains and wind took out many leaves before they even had a chance to change color. And the pictures of snow across the midwest made the hundred degree heat in the UAE seem a little more bearable.

Halloween challenge

I live in a country where the ready-made costumes suck. Wal-mart in the US has a better selection. If I'm going to dress up I want something original - and fortunately here there are cheap tailors more than happy to oblige.

In previous costumes I've gone as a pirate and as a ghoul . I shaved my head and my friend Marcy applied goop to me. Her outgoing son said he wouldn't be afraid of me... no way... he knows me.... he couldn't be afraid. By the time Marcy was done I had fake blood running down my zombie head and he said, "Please don't touch me."

I'm not sure I'm going to do this, but if I do I want a kick-ass costume. Here are the parameters: Clothes can be made quickly. fake battle arms may take more time. Traditional masks common in America are out. Even the few who are good will be worn by everyone else.

A few years ago with my head shaved and white powder all over my head wearing a black robe I was pretty convincing as the grim reaper.

Many of you saw me in the outfit. Should I go that road again? If not suggest a change. I'm up for change.

If I go to the Halloween party I want to win. At the very least I want a kick-ass costume nobody else is doing.

I implore you, dear readers, give me ideas.

Please let me pay my electric bill

For reasons I cannot understand - literally cannot understand because it has only been explained in Arabic - I cannot get my electric/water account switched from my old apartment to my new apartment. I've lived in the new apartment for almost six months. I finally figured out my meter number so I took it to the station and the clerk pulled up my account.

"That's 7600 dirhams," she said, making me choke. That's slightly over $2000. I think, "Well, I did teach summer school and I do like it cooler in my place than most people do... but $2000!?!"

The woman asked if I wanted it on my credit card. I replied "Yeah, I certainly don't have that much money on me. But would you please check again? That amount seems very high." She confirmed that the total bill for the apartment complex was 7600 Dh. Oh, I'm just here to pay for apartment 23.

"That," she said, "is 105 Dh."

"Are you sure it is not higher?" I asked. She checked yet again and said, "105." While $2000 was too high, $30 is way too low.

I spent two hours trying to get the account for my apartment in my name. This is at least the fourth trip. I swear a business offering "Rent an Emirati" would make millions here. I'd happily hire an Emirati to represent me to get this cleared up.

Ukraine from the 8th floor

While it was a bit chilly we sat on the 8th floor balcony of a hotel bar overlooking the city.

Once again, the church with singing monks is in the background.

From this vantage point we could also look down towards the city's main square. The pillar in the center of this picture is in the picture below.

Ukraine at night

The statue - pillar in this picture is the same as the one seen from the distance in the post above.

All of the pictures in this post are from the main central square in Kiev. I'm sure it has a name that I can't remember. Anyhow, this is the sight of the Orange Revolution in 2004. The pro-western forces rejected an election where the pro-Russian had fraudulently won. I'll bet you vaguely remember this election. Remember a world leader being poisoned with dioxin and suddenly looking very old? That was the pro-western guy. In the end, the pro-western guy won the new vote but had a lot of problems and the country is still split between the pro-Russia and pro-western forces.

Now the square is a very social place with people hanging out all day and night. There's plenty of beer stands and places to sit, skateboard, etc.

And, of course, in the heart of it all is a McDonald's.

Daiso

I had first trip to a Daiso today. (Think of a Japanese version of Dollar General.) I was very tempted to buy the teapot "Made of Poland."

Canadian Thanksgiving

I joined four other Americans for a Canadian Thanksgiving celebration. (Their real Thanksgiving is Monday.) We were concerned we'd exposed as not really Canadian. The only word I can fake an accent for is "a-boot." As we all rose to sing "O Canada" I tried to look all misty-eyed and too choked up to sing.

Buffets here go all out for display... but the taste is still 100% buffet. They served stuffing that appeared to be cased in a large salami roll and sliced. I ate whatever it was, but it was not stuffing. The turkey, mashed potatoes and gravy were surprisingly good.

And, of course, the desserts were impressive. Apparently pumpkin pie is a North American dessert. What they served wasn't bad but it had an odd layer of clear fruity gelatin on the top. "Huh?" I asked. "Don't complain," I was told. "It's much better than it has been in years past.

Quote of the day - Andrew Sullivan

Sullivan summarizes the reaction of Obama's Peace Prize: "premature and thoroughly deserved." He says:

"Both are right. I don't think Americans fully absorbed the depths to which this country's reputation had sunk under the Cheney era. That's understandable. And so they also haven't fully absorbed the turn-around in the world's view of America that Obama and the American people have accomplished. Of course, this has yet to bear real fruit..."

When I arrived here I was not surprised how those here viewed America. I was surprised, however, by how much that attitude changed by the election of Obama. The people of the world want to like the US. In that way the award was deserved.

But I'm still in the "premature" camp.

Obama’s Nobel Peace prize

I can remember a time when Americans rooted for the American city vying for the Olympics. I can remember a time when Americans were proud when a fellow citizen won the Nobel Peace Prize.

Oh, those were days.

I thought Obama's trip last week was a mistake. And I thought there would be negative political fallout until... until I saw conservatives actually applauding and cheering Chicago's loss:

Today Obama won the Nobel Peace Prize. While I agree with those who believe it's too early, I can hardly see a downside for Obama or for America. It's a vote of confidence from the world community. As one living in the middle east I'm glad that the promise of Obama is palpable. If he is unable to deliver than it's more than just his loss, it's America's loss.

The reaction on the right has been predictable: Rush Limbaugh says, "This fully exposes the illusion of Barack Obama." Over on Morning Joe it was called a "disaster" and "the damage is done." At Redstate Erick Erickson said, "I did not realize the Nobel Peace Price had an affirmative action quota."

Nice.

The Olympics debacle and winning the Nobel Peace Price prematurely both could have hurt Obama politically. But once again, Obama's critics have saved him by looking incredibly petty.

A reason for the prize now?

Nobel Peace Prizes are not awarded posthumously. Given the level of hatred raised by many in the fringe it is not unreasonable to wonder when there will be a serious attempt on Obama's life. It is my hope that Obama will be able to live up to and fulfill the promise of Obama. I'd rather not have a Joe Biden asking us to move forward in Obama's memory.

Ukraine: Miscellaneous

The tiramisu and black forest cake were OK, but the real news of this picture are the chocolate covered cherries in the center. They were marinated in cognac. I like foods that change flavor as it dissolves in my mouth... and this went from sweet cherry/chocolate to the *pow* of cognac.

Kiev is one large church/monastery after another. We happened upon this church/nunnery at a time when they were playing large bells.

If a shopkeep placed this in front of his store in the Emirates he'd be arrested.

Huh? Maybe Andrew can translate the title.

Ukraine: Soviet cars

Consider that twenty years ago this was one of the few cars people could buy. With the fall of the Soviet Union very few people in Ukraine buy these cars today. Nissan, Toyota, Chevy, and Ford dominate the streets. There were a surprising number of Lexus (Lexi?) on the road.

Ukraine: Anything frozen

A visit to a large supermarket in Kiev was fascinating. I've never seen an entire aisle dedicated to vodka. Also, I liked this aisle: Lots of food frozen solid. The customer is able to buy exactly the amount they want.

The array of options were impressive.

I think this is tiny squid (of something like that). Like I said, it's an impressive selection.

Ukraine: As long as there is an open sidewalk...

... then there's a place to park. All over Kiev cars were parked on the sidewalks.

If a place really wanted to keep cars off the sidewalks they had to use barriers like these.

Ukraine: The man bag

Joey would fit right in here. In the US guys carry briefcases and gym bags or backpacks. In Ukraine there are many of those but there are also a lot of purse or satchel type bags.