Dad died in 2014. In 2023 I am giving his eulogy.
It took me 9 years to be able to do it... sorry dad.
Dad was in the audience as I gave the eulogy for Spellman. 11 years later I am in a car with dad and had to explain that my connection to Doc was beyond friendship/family.
My father was a great man. That it took me 9 years after his death to do his eulogy is shame on me.
Merlon George Kranz.... As told by his son Steven Merlon Kranz
While walking Cujo I came across an Indian brother and sister. He was married and there with his wife. The sister was there with her bestie who has some connection to Beyonce that I never quite understood and that's OK. It's also safe to say they all had consumed more than their fair share of something that had altered their rational/cognitive abilities. Not being vague on this; most likely they were drunk but there was no slurring of the words. If anything I'd say they were drunk the way I am drunk, way too touchy feeling and I love you man vibe.
Anyhow, they were all in love with Cujo in a way that creeped Cujo out. Sahdra (the single sister) wanted Cujo to follow her on Instragram. I made it clear Cujo doesn't follow anyone. She asked multiple times. I created a personal hotspot so she could follow me on FB. I am quite certain tonight is not the only time I will be hearing from her.
I have never been comfortable when someone throws themselves at me. From the time I was teaching at #UofIowa and a student put his hand on my knee and said, "I will do anything for an A" to the time I was at a #SigmaNu fraternity conference in Chicago when a woman got on the elevator with me, grabbed my package and said, "Today is my 30th birthday and I'm buying." I simply do know how to respond.
None of these events are assault in my book because I never had concern for my safety. It's not like being a petite woman pushed up against the wall because the alpha male thinks it's ok for stars like to grab women by the pussy.
In this case the woman's interest in me in peaked when she found out I was single with no kids. She pretty much offered herself on the spot. Awkward...
To the brother who was talking about their relatives in the US I tried my best to explain, "That's your best path to citizenship. Google chain migration.
And because the Beyonce woman simply wanted to visit I explained that I have helped dozens of friends over the years get the tourist visa to America... My favorite was my Moroccan friend #Youssef who kept saying tourist in a way that sounded exactly like terrorist. I told him just say #VisitVisa.
The US has two requirements to get a #TouristVisa:
1. Convince them you are not a terrorist
3. Convince them you'll you will go back from where you came.
A single woman/man? Yeah, you're not getting the visa. It sucks, but those are the rules.
30 years ago my #CoeCollege friend was facing deportation and asked if I would be willing to marry her. I said yes without hesitation. She was/is a good friend. If her desire is to stay in the US I'm simply happy to help. Beth is getting married in a few weeks and I doubt I can make it but I've told her, "If I can, I will."
I know #LifeIsWeird and we can't know what is coming next... but #ThereByThyGraceOfGodGoI that I didn't die at the age of 23 from drug addiction like my brother Mark.
Not happy the character here is named Steve but this is worth a watch:
https://youtu.be/1_TPWn9dJmA
In an ideal world a eulogy is performed by someone who knows the deceased well. My Mom's boss - a great man... a World War II war hero had nobody to give his eulogy so the minister who performed it misprounced his name. I was furious and Mom had to hold me back from grabbing the microphone from him to give the eulogy myself.
That said, what you choose to leave in as important as what you leave out. In the eulogy I have for dad that you are about to hear I left out some important points:
Nobody in Eastern Iowa donated more blood than Dad. When Dad learned he give more often if he donated plasma, he switched to donating plasma.
Dad ran a farm while working a full time job as a saw operator at Link-Belt Speeder. One of his former colleagues said of Dad, "If everyone had Merlon's work ethic there is no way they would have shut down the plant in Cedar Rapids.
Dad gardened more than anyone I've met. At one point he was growing 90 tomato plants, growing nearly an acre of sweet corn and, of course, perfecting his beloved popcorn that we named, Dad's Popcorn.
I so loved that side of Dad that I had early childhood ambition to grow up to be a horticulturalist. Unfortunately, I am Mom. The woman married to a farmer with a very brown thumb... she killed plants faster than anyone you've ever met. The child who would pick up that mantle from Dad was my sister Kathy - who now has the distinction of being a master gardener.
Now... as they say... on with the show.
My name is Steven Merlon Kranz, son of Merlon George Kranz. As Dad has his father's name as his middle name, I have the honor of being the son to have his name as my middle name.
Dad was the simplest yet most complicated man I've ever met. Let's start with the simple.
Merlon was born on May 30, 1934. It was at the height of the Great Depression and his parents were in the process of declaring bankruptcy losing their share in the Newhall Bank and the feed store they were running.
It may be self-serving for me to say this, but Dad was a good looking guy. Self-serving because to see me is to see my Dad. When it comes to looks there is no need for a DNA test; I am my father's son.
Dad was insanely smart. In junior high he taught me square root. What's square root? 3 is the square root of 9. 3*3 = 9. He also tried to teach me tri-root... Dad was one of the few people on this planet who could calculate that... sorry Dad that was one I never quite understood.
Whatever stereotypes you have of cold, standoff Germans? That was Dad. Growing up he spanked me once. I don't what I did but I'm sure I deserved it. And I can count on my fingers the number of times we ever hugged.
I was not only not his favorite child (that was Miriam) I was not his favorite son (that was Marty).
The best thing that happened for Dad and me was a roadtrip to NYC for my niece's wedding. Dad and I both love to drive so the trip itself was no big deal. Send Mom and her sister on the plane and we'll drive it.
What made the trip special for me? We had a come to Jesus discussion. I was able to unload all of the reasons I thought he was less than a great Dad while I was growing up and he let me know how I was less than a great son. We were both right.
Now to the complicated(?) or perhaps simple.
Dad was of the era where a father's role was to be the provider. Make sure his wife and children always have a roof over their head and food on the table. So long as you do that you are a good father.
My secret sauce... my gift? The ability to tell stories. It's what makes a great teacher. Although Dad and I were not close until I was 40, I did love to make him laugh and I know for a fact I am the only one to make him laugh so hard he fell out of his chair. I'd repeat the joke here but it was definitely a "You had to be there" joke.
Let's complicate things a bit more. Dad was extremely close to his brother Wilbert who tragically died from an accident where he was sprayed by gasoline and a spark from an arc welder set him on fire. To say that weighed on Dad is an understatement. Not a day went by that he had Wilbert on his mind. Shortly after Wilbert's death my parents had a son and named him Mark Wilbert Kranz. Steven Merlon could wait.
Mark was not the ideal son. He was not the heir to the farm Dad had hoped him to be and he gave into his addictions. Shortly before graduating HS Mark dropped out. He later got his GED and appeared to be on a good track. Then his world came crashing down on him and on his 23rd birthday Mark killed himself.
Remember when I said Dad was a cold German? That night was a night where we not only hugged, he wouldn't let go of me.
We all grieve in our own ways. Dad never got over the deaths of Wilbert, Mark, and Mom.
He knew he loved them and the love was mutual. He simply didn't know how to process it. He never understood the squabbling among his kids. Dad had the "he's not heavy; he's my brother" burned into his psyche so my fights with Marty were something Dad would never understand. "At the end of the day always remember he's your brother."
"Yes, Dad" I'd reply as I gave him an eyeroll big enough that he laughed.
Dad's mission in life: Provide for his wife and children was a mission accomplished. He didn't have the skills to understand the touchy feely side of life. He was an introverted mathematician. How Mom and him ever hooked up is that Dad was a good looking teenager and drove a nice car. What did I drive as a teenager? A Chevy Citation. I joked, "You guys really don't want me to get laid."
In 1997 I had the honor of giving the eulogy for my mentor Bill Spellman. I stood in front of 800 people and trust me on this, there wasn't a dry in the auditorium by the time I was done. Dad turned to a friend, "I wish he could say this about me." On the trip to NYC I was able to explain that my relationship with Doc was beyond friendship and family. "It's not a competition Dad," I tried to assure him.
If you know me, know that psychologically I am 90% Joyce Kranz. I was her favorite. Working for a lawyer she penned a new will almost every year. In the mid-2000's she created one that left everything to me. I was like, "Please don't die before you can redo this one... I do not want the burden." Dad never got himself involved on these things. Mom and I loved to argue; Dad not so much.
Mom and Dad eloped on her 18th birthday. It was the first day they could legally marry without permission from the parents. Dad removed Mom from an abusive home and never looked back.
At the end of my eulogy for Doc I was able to look at the auditorium and say, "The best thing you can say about a man after his death is that the world is a better place for him having been here."
Although I am saying this to a camera, the sentiment is the same. The world is a better place because Merlon Kranz was here. He was, ultimately, a great man and a good father.
Yahya my now adopted son - he has awesome parents but I had to claim him as my adopted son because we had falling out for which I said, "If you think of me as your father this will never happen again."
In late 2016 Yahya came to me with an incredible idea. Here I am the spokesman for #dwak
What makes me good at teaching? I am a great storyteller. Every concept I teach I can tie to a real-life situation. My mentor marveled at my ability to do this. Spellman was like, "Tell me again which example you used on ____" And I was like, dude, the only way I learn is if I can relate a concept to real life. #ISLM is the hardest concept for anyone in the world of #Econ to get and I got after you pounded it in my head 15 times. No offense to Doc or any other Econ prof out there... it's not that hard when you use real life examples...
...Which is something I learned during #covidworld. My teaching assistant Omar was taking a class from a guy that is so bad at teaching I made a video parodying him.
Anyhow, #Covidboy (as I like to call him... I had to go into quarantine because of him) reminded me how much I love to teach Econ...
Oh, wait, this has nothing to do with Prince Andrew... back to the original script
Yahya had an incredible idea and I was more than on board. Let's light this candle and see where it goes.
Well, it went to #AlAinPharmacy where they signed on to to be a partner. It went to us hearing about an event in #SiliconValley that I was so sure we were going to go to that I paid $800 for a sleeper car on #Amtrak to go from from Mt. Pleasant to San Francisco.
But #LifeIsWeird and the rug was pulled out from under our feet literally days before we were supposed to leave.
Yahya was like, "Well, we can still do #PitchAtPalace"
Oh, fuck yes was my response.
There was a requirement for Pitch at Palace that an #Emirati give the pitch. I knew exactly the man for that job - my #EmiratiBrother Mansour. To say I love the man is an understatement... I asked him to draw up the paperwork that whatever assets I have in the UAE are turned over to him (because I know he won't care about my assets... he will make sure Miriam has them... hope that makes sense) His first question for me? Are you sure you want a Black Ford Explorer?
The man I am entrusting my possessions in this country is only concerned that I my Explorer is the wrong color.... my love for him is such that I laughed hard.
Mansour is a natural salesman. When he was in HS he managed his family's cafe in Al Ain. That business failed but Mansour took the lessons he learned from that to create a very successful cafe called #LePre.
When we were walking the streets of London before our pitch Mansour commented that he earned a C+ in his first class with me - Fundamentals of Management. I replied, "I have no memory of you from that class. It wasn't until you had Supply Chain with me that you came onto my radar and I am pretty sure you earned an A for every class after that." If you want more on that you can watch my interview with Mansour here.
So Mansour and are the spokesmen for dwak. We are both really good at engaging people and making them care. I love writing so knowing what pitch would work for me is easy. Trying to figure out how put our story in a way that works for Mansour was a challenge. That Mansour rose to that challenge and hit it out of the ballpark is a testament to how great he is.
When Mansour presented in Abu Dhabi he was not on his A game. When he came back and sat next to me he said, "We're going to London." I thought he was being a bit arrogant/presumptuous. He continued, "The rule is that the team that goes is who has the most votes in the room. Trust me, this room is filled with my colleagues. We are going to London."
I have to say, I do not like Prince Andrew. When very bad press came out about him I was not at all surprised. Having been in a fraternity and spent time around guys like Andrew I know them and can spot them a mile away. My sister Miriam is also a good read on people. I told her before the competition, "There is one competitor who is a total piece of shit I wanna know if you can pick him out." She did. As an Occupational Therapist she saw lots of people exploit the illness of a relative to make a buck and that's what this guy was doing.
It was a wild ride and I have zero regrets. The son of Merlon and Joyce Kranz found himself inside Buckingham Palace.
My only regret? That dwak never came to be. Six years later there is still nothing out there that offers what we were going for.
I am Steven Merlon Kranz for a reason. My parents Joyce nnd Merlon Kranz decided they liked they liked the name and then had four other children. By the tine Mom got pregnant with me abortion wasn't legal, Mom liked to smoke and drink and sonehow the pregrancy tests came back negative.
To say I'm an accident is understatement. Mom literally said to me, "If abortion was legal you wouldn't be here, kid."
Reminder, I was her favorite.
In the Arab world having your father's name as your middle name is the highest form of respect. To an Arab I am not Steve Kranz I am Steven Merlon. I get that and respect that... but I didn't respect my Dad until our trip to my niece's wedding.
The moment when two men can clear the air and basically say "Fuck you" to each other it's an awesome moment... and I almost broke down on that trip because of complicated relationship with Dad.... and then I remembered Sunny's relationship with his father. (They are both str8... easier)
Anyhow, I am really good at what I do... Sunny is the man I wish I had the courage to have come out to earlier.
