The toughest thing to swallow about it all is that my family is wanting me to fail. I truly believe that. The want me to struggle like they did so I know what it is like. They resent me for that fact that I haven't struggled like they have. It's kind of funny, I thought the whole idea of getting an education was that, hopefully, you don't look like the people that only graduated from high school for your whole life. They think I have an ego problem, I can just tell it. The stuff I have bought, the things in life that I want, they don't want me to have, because they don't have it... and naturally, instead of being happy for someone who accomplishes what they want, they resent them for it.My family doesn't resent me. Like most families, mine places a high value on marriage and children. I have no desire for either so I think it is safe to assume nobody related to me is jealous.
But his larger point is valid: We want those around us to be successful, just not too successful. And we want our friends and family to have it easy, just not too easy.
I have an aunt that has commented on my profession several times. It is always the same comment: "You never would do a job where you could get your hands dirty." The first time I heard it I let it slide. The second time I said, "You know, most families would be proud to have someone teaching at the college level in their family. Apparently you don't." She had no response. The third time I heard it I left. There's no point in debating.
I certainly hope your family doesn't appreciate your success. We are all so proud to say a "University Professor" is our son. Every parent wants their child to be happy and successful. Marriage and kids aren't for everyone but ain't you glad it was for us?
ReplyDeleteBoy, that first statement sure came off wrong, didn't it? It should be DOES and not DOESN'T. Sorry.
ReplyDeleteSTEVE AT MY 10 YEAR CLASS REUNION A FELLOW CLASSMATE (WHO RODE ARE BUS & WHO'S DAD ALSO WORKED AT FMC WITH YOUR FATHER) WROTE A TWO PAGE BOOK OF HOW THE COMPANY THAT HE WORKED FOR WAS SOLELY RESPONSIBLE FOR MAKING A PIECE THAT WAS USE IN PRECISION GUIDANCE FOR WARHEADS USED DURING THE PERSIAN GULF WAR. I HAD A CHANCE TO ASK HIM IF HE WAS THE GUY WHO INVENTED IT. HIS RESPONSE "THAT WAS NOT HIS DIVISION". MY POINT, WHO WAS SUCCESSFUL? HIM? YOUR FATHER SAID DON'T JUST DO A JOB IF YOU CAN DO SOMETHING YOU ENJOY, DO IT. WELL I'VE ALWAYS CONSIDERED OUR PARENTS AS SUCCESSFUL AS WELL AS MY SIBLINGS. I'M SCHOOL BUS MECHANIC NO BIG DEAL BUT I CAN GET UP EVERY MORNING AND GO TO A JOB I ENJOY AND AT THE END OF THE DAY COME HOME TO A PLACE I ENJOY. (AKA JULIE, KELSEY AND LADY) THAT TO ME IS SUCCESS. YES I FEEL YOU ARE A SUCCESS AT YOUR LIFE, AND I HOPE YOUR FRIEND SEES HIS SUCCESS SOON, BECAUSE IT IS IN THAT MIRROR HE LOOKS IN EVERYDAY.
ReplyDeleteand yes it is obvious I'm just a mechanic because he rode the same bus as Steve and I so it was "ARE" BUS and NOT "OUR" BUS. I just fix them so they get to school I don't teach them.
ReplyDeleteFirst I was nodding my head at the statement ending "...to be too successful" and then and then I pondered. No, I disagree. I think a true friends wants their friends to be super successful - I think it's when you view the world as a dog-eat-dog arena that you get wrapped up in the philosophy you just described... For one person to gain, another has to lose. I don't tend to view the world this way. I still tend to think that people think more selfishly. People want to feel a sense of worth. If they feel this sense of worth, they are ok with those around them succeeding because they are happy with themselves. Those who have no sense of worth are more likely to wish others to fail. This is just one person's thought, but if it holds true, it could help explain why your friend's parents want their child to fail - they are not satisfied with their perceived self-value.
ReplyDeletePeople also like to say "I told you so." Those who got things all wrong upstairs feel the same way even when it means someone close is wrong for you to be right.
I am not sure about this. I do want my kids to struggle a bit, so they can appreciate what they have when they become successful. I think that sometimes when people have things come too easy for them, they develop the attitude of "well I did it - why can't anyone else?" which is not how our system really works. NOT everyone can have things come easy.
ReplyDeleteI want my kids to be successful, but to me that isn't just about monetary success. I want them to be good, caring, empathetic people who are willing to help others (yes, I'm a bleeding-heart liberal). But those are our values and I am trying very hard to pass them on.
Often, hardships can make a person stronger and more caring. Again, I want my kids to be successful and have a good life - but I don't mind if they struggle a bit to get there!