Mall of America

As much as I like SpongeBob and Dora the Explorer it just doesn't seem right for Camp Snoopy to be missing from the Mall of America. (Charles Schultz was born in St. Paul.)

I also didn't like the near monopoly Pepsi has on the place and the Bank of America monopoly on ATM's.

*****

The trip was exactly what I needed. Had I returned to the Emirates without leaving Iowa for three months I'd have been very depressed. Although Minnesota isn't a major change in scenery it was good to just get away. The trip was short - 3 days. Due to unforeseen complications explained below I completely missed some college friends and Ann's sister Joan. I also inexplicably did not take pictures of several friends I saw... like two whole families and the guy nice enough to put me up for two nights and drive me around Minneapolis.

Regardless, I wish I had done more short trips like this. I'm going to be kicking myself for the entire year ahead.

From the department of "Huh?"

Sighted at the Mall of America.

As a person who plans to remain childless I'll have to take their word on this one.

Pepsi at McDonalds?

Forget gay marriage, THIS is an abomination.

Minneapolis trip

Completely coincidentally my brother-in-law bid on and won several hundred items from a Twin Cities spa dealership that went out of business. My sister and him made three trips from northern Iowa to north of the Twin Cities to collect it all. I helped a little on Saturday and Sunday. I should have been a good brother and helped on Monday. Instead I was hanging around the Mall of America.

Sunny and 93 in Minneapolis

Gee, who woulda thunk there'd be unseasonal weather when I travel somewhere?

On Sunday my friend Nate and I went to uptown Minneapolis and this was the view from the rooftop bar.

Even though I stayed with Nate for two days and he was a great host I didn't take a single picture with him in it. I'm a bad friend.

Shortly after taking this picture we met up with another friend and his family:
Jake and Nicole are proud new parents. In addition to being in my fraternity Jake was one of my first students. To me he'll always be the 12 year-old looking guy who just bleached his hair. Jake's job is taking phone calls from people wanting to buy treasury bills. He says he gets a lot of calls from people unhappy with Obama and the low interest rates they get. It's interesting to have one of my former economic students working at the Federal Reserve.

If the people who call him been in my class they'd know it's the appointed guy (Bernanke) that sets monetary policy, not the president.

Tavern on France

On Friday I made a side trip to Des Moines to meet with my friends Kelly and Stacey. (Our waitress at the restaurant was so fantastic we wanted her in the picture.)

Two years ago I had a going away party. Kelly (standing next to me) traveled across the state while nine months pregnant to be there.

And I didn't even buy her dinner on Friday. I'm such a bastard.

I haven't seen Stacey in almost 20 years. Back in the early 90's she was nice enough to pick up Ann returning from Japan at the Des Moines Airport. There was an ice storm and I couldn't make it on time. She graciously put us up for the night.

And I didn't buy her dinner, either. Wow, I really am a jerk.

Meanwhile, in Minneapolis on Sunday I met up with Michele (who also happens to be Kelly's best friend.)
I'm glad it doesn't upset me that my friends have aged so much better than I have.

At Tavern on France - named the for the street it is on and not the cuisine - I ordered a pizza with pepperoni, mushrooms, caramelized onions, cilantro and basil. I liked it and can't recall ever being somewhere that offered that combination.

Scenes from Minneapolis

On Saturday night I was walking in uptown Minneapolis and saw this:

I innocently thought it was an aviation themed store until I looked in the window.

If you're ever looking for leather straps or a harness to hang from the ceiling this is apparently the place to go.

Flight simulator

On a real aviation theme... I had time to kill at the mall. I spent an hour flying a simulator of World War II aircraft.

It was pretty intense. I developed a blister on my hand from pulling on the control stick.

Save the jokes; it's just too easy.

Trophy boys

This is a sad story: Afghan society is so repressed that many men take on pre-pubescent boys as escorts and view women as dirty. In case you don't read the article, one man did not know why his wife was not pregnant. When he learned how a woman becomes pregnant he "reacted with disgust."

The value of the IPhone

On October 27, 2009, I spent $717 to buy a phone. That's outrageous by any measure. I came to love it.

Really love it. I became dismayed as my battery became so bad I had to charge it twice each day. About a month ago it started acting up: Shutting off, ringer not working, and audio not working. A $717 phone that can't actually place calls? Yeah, that blows.

Two weeks ago my phone bricked. ("Bricked" is a term that means your smartphone won't even turn on. In other words, it has the value of a brick.)

This morning I had time to kill at the Mall of America so I decided to visit the Apple store. I was told it would be an hour before I could see someone and led to believe I should be really happy it would take only an hour. I was put on a list for the "Genius bar." <-- Not making that up. That's the name they have for their tech-oriented customer service reps.

After getting some coffee and proceeding to wait I counted 25 customer service representatives in this store. This place was no more than 2500 square feet. I have never seen as many CSR's per square foot in any store. Half of them were just standing around.

As the time ticked by my frustration grew; really? None of these guys leaning against the counters can help me?

Eventually, my name was called. After I explained my problem my CSR checked the serial number and saw I bought it ten months ago. He swapped it for a new one.

WOW. I can guarantee this would not have happened in the UAE. I had not even asked for a new one!

******

When my phone bricked I thought a lot about life. $717 spread over less than 10 months meant that it cost me more than $2.50/day. "That's ridiculous," I thought, but then I had to admit I'd be buying a new one when I got back to the Emirates. I was debating whether I could wait until the IPhone 4 came out there and had to admit I probably couldn't wait.

Addiction is addiction. I'm a smartphone fanboi and even though I've only had one for a year less than 10 months I can't imagine life without one.

******

Even before getting the new IPhone, I had had a fantastic weekend seeing friends in Des Moines and the Twin Cities. I was going to wait until tomorrow to post about the weekend but I wouldn't want to alienate my adoring fan (singular fan, that is) base.

Mushrooms

I used to have mushrooms like these in my front yard every late July/early August. I haven't for the past two years. I kinda miss them. Oh, well, at least a neighbor still gets them.
Posting may be light over the next few days as I'm headed to Des Moines tonight and Minneapolis for the weekend. There are friends I haven't seen for way too long...

The anatomy of a great day

Thursday, August 26th, was easily my best day of vacation. It started with a visit to the eye doctor.

1. My eye doctor explained that I don't need bifocals (yet) and that my eyes have actually improved. (Woo-hoo!)

2. Two weeks after my parents' anniversary I was able to give them a gift they genuinely appreciated.

3. I met my friend Karey for breakfast. I missed her last year and two years of catching up took us a couple of hours but it was fun. The plate in the foreground is the "Hawkeye Hog" at the Hamburg Inn. Basically, it's an omelet stuff with pork sausage and hash browns and covered in pork gravy.

Yes, in Iowa we will put gravy on anything - including eggs.

4. I removed slime from the front of my garage and was able to clean half of my deck.

5. I met a friend at Carlos O'Kelley's and finally had a good margarita.

6. As I arrived home I see an envelope from the Great Iowa Treasure Hunt. It turns out I'm owed money they didn't know about before.

Yippee! I'm singing, "I'm in the money..." and then I see the total amount owed to me: $6.62.

Now that's a buzzkill, but still, it's been a great day.

Why it is worth paying for an American Optometrist

I've had the same optometrist for over a decade. I haven't seen in her in three years since I've been living in the Emirates. When I complained to my eye doctor in the UAE that I had trouble reading close up he prescribed stronger lenses.

Background: I have worn -6.0 lenses for twenty years. (That's really bad eye sight.) My guy in the Emirates gave me glasses he said were -6.0 and reading glasses of +1.75. Using either gave me a headache... I can't read close-up. Grading tests is never fun but having to have a spotlight on them just to read them? Well, it blows.

Today I learned that the glasses I have from the Emirates are not -6.0 but -6.75. Meanwhile, I'm one of the 30% of those over 40 for whom the near sightedness actually improves. I'm not a -6.0 anymore, I'm a -5.5. So wearing my -6.75 glasses will naturally give me a headache.

BUT WAIT, THERE'S MORE...

My big lesson today was on bifocals. I assumed bifocals were basically extra strength. So if I need -6.0 lenses normally, then for close up it would be -7.0. Nope, it doesn't work that way. Bifocals (or reading glasses) are positive numbers doing the reverse.

If you're still following me: I am now a -5.5. I learned today that I need mild bifocals of +1. That would mean a glasses prescription of -5.5 on top and +1 on bottom. Instead, my glasses 6.75 top and bottom... way over correcting. No wonder I had no chance of reading up close!

Since I'm pretty sure I've lost everyone let me summarize with this: I'm currently wearing 5.5 and they feel great. I can see long distance fine and up close is better than it's been in two years. I don't need bifocals! (yet)

Life is good.

Looking better

Today was a productive day. The front of my garage develops some green stuff on its front. To me it looks like mold but I've been corrected a knowledgable friend that it's byproduct of an adjacent tree.

Regardless of the source, it's ugly.
A little bleach and a power washer did wonders.

Likewise my deck is disturbingly dark. In the six years I've been here I've cleaned and stained it twice and pretty much a year later it looks like this.

I finished cleaning about half the deck today. The before and after is pretty clear. After I'm done washing it I won't bother to stain; there's no point.

And in a year I'll get to do it again.

My generation as parents

Earlier this year I read about parents who share a dozen text messages with their kids during school. So I guess it should be surprising to read in today's New York Times about parents who can't let go when their kids go to college. The article's headline sums it up: "Kids, welcome to college; Parents, go home." (Interestingly, the article was written from Grinnell, Iowa, but the story is a nationwide phenomena.)

Meanwhile, today's Los Angeles Times has a story headlined: "Teens want to unfriend their cyber-stalking moms." Again, pretty self-explanatory. I've been on FB for about 3 years and as a college instructor and former fraternity advisor I have plenty of 20-something friends. Three years ago their pages were full of drunk pictures and messages. Now it's fairly sanitized. I'm sure part of it is the realization that employers and college officials read the walls, but I'm sure there's more to it. Once my generation and my parents' generation started logging in FB became much less interesting. Who's gonna post about getting blitzed when Great Aunt Gertrude is going to see it all?

To make matters worse, now FB has added "places" so every time you go anywhere you can "check in" via your smartphone. These GPS enabled devices will automatically post to the user's wall their exact location. (This feature amazes me. Nothing says, "Please, rob me" more than your cell phone confirming you are far away from home. I can't wait for it to be used in a trial. "Before your DUI you went to four different bars over the course of six hours...")

I picture parents taking to this: "Now, Bobby, I want to see you check in every hour and if you don't I expect a text message explaining yourself. Don't make text all your friends looking for you like I did last week..."

A website has been dedicated to the topic. Here's a sample:

(If the above graphic is as hard to read on your computer as it is mine, simply click on it.)

A perfect day to be outside and for grilling

The definition of perfect weather? Highs in the mid-70's with dew points (measure of humidity) under 50.

Today was a PERFECT day.

Fortunately, my friend Justin stopped in from Burlington. It gave me an excuse to grill outside... something I haven't done during our miserably muggy summer.

The contraption on the plate is a fresh ground beef burger with American cheese, crispy bacon, sauteed onions (so much better than fresh), lettuce, tomatoes, and ketchup/mustard/Miracle whip to taste... all on lightly toasted buns.

I wasn't going for presentation marks. I was going for taste. These hit a home-run. I wish I could describe the taste but I inhaled the first one. I tried to eat the second one slower but it was gone in seconds. Suffice to say, it tasted good.

In total we ate over 2 pounds of hamburger and a pound of bacon. Thank God we have the healthy veggies to counteract all of that.

*****

My roommate Robby saw what we made and said, "Those look like good BLT's." I said, "No they're not BLT's because I added sauteed onions, beef and American cheese."

To Robby what I described above IS a BLT. To me a BLT is Bacon Lettuce Tomato with a little Miracle Whip. Nothing more and served on lightly toasted bread.

So I'l open this up to discussion: when you think of a BLT is closer my stripped description or Robbies expanded view.

Please, Please, comment. I want to hear from everyone who has ever had a thought about the BLT.

Gas: Almost $2/gallon

When I arrived in 2008 I appreciated the price of gas in the Emirates. In Iowa it was at $4/gallon and in the Emirates it was $1.35/gallon. Unlike the US where gas prices change as the price of oil changes, gas in the Emirates remained $1.35/gallon. This spring they upped the price twice and plan to do so again. The new price will be $1.97/gallon.

The Emirates is a perfect example of the effect of government subsidies: They lead to excess use. The number of SUV's and other gas guzzlers is much higher. With the price going up it will be interesting to see if the ratio of SUV's declines.

While I know the detrimental impact of subsidies I find myself hoping they don't cut the electricity subsidy. I like being cool and not feeling guilty for running up a big bill.

You’re gonna make it after all

From third grade to Jr. High Channel 9 played Mary Tyler Moore from 6:15 to 6:45. Next to M*A*S*H, I learned more from this sitcom than any other.

In two years of living abroad the theme song has taken on a new meaning; prior to getting on the plane two years ago I'd have happily taken a job a Wendy's. Now I'm ready for another couple of years in the Emirates and whatever comes after that.

Oh, how times change.

State Fair: Agriculture building

The agriculture building is a focal point of the Iowa State Fair. It's basically a gigantic barn:

At any given moment hundreds of people are milling around.

This is an aside: At the State Fair it is a joke to put any food on a stick. It started years ago (I think with corn dogs, but I can't be sure) and has spread to pork chops, steak... now there are dozens of things on a stick. Seriously, check out the list here. I was happy to see something healthy on a stick. My friend Ryan said, "Yeah, but do you see anyone eating it?"

Sadly, no. For the entire day.

Iowa is the land of the ostrich and here are ostrich eggs. I've only seen ostriches once in my 40 years of living in the state but apparently we're a major producer.

Why they also displayed the ostrich legs sans meat is beyond me.
Iowa is also big on our honey production. I used to get a glass of tea from this place sweetened by honey until I realized that I just didn't like the flavor.

Thousands of live bees on hand to demonstrate the honey production. See the pics in the background? Yes, Iowa has it's own honey queen each year. Make fun if you want but my home county of Benton has a town that labels a "Weenie queen" each year. A Weenie queen dumped two nights before homecoming of my junior year of high school. I'm not bitter but I guess I'm bringing it up 25 years later.

The Iowa State Fair is most famous for its butter cow - part of which is seen to the right. Each year they do an additional theme and this year it is Dr. Seuss.
Here you can see the butter cow in its full glory. People travel hours and hours just to see this. You get it on this blog for free.

I know; you owe me.

The ice sculptures next to the butter cow are almost always more interesting but get none of the press.
Now we're into the agricultural part of the ag building. Iowa has fantastically fertile soil yet a short growing season. We do whatever it takes to grow anything we can.

This is popcorn. Much larger popcorn than what Dad grows.
Lots of field corn is submitted.

We're not Idaho, but we do grow a lot of potatoes.
Ever wanted cabbage twice the size of your head? Come to Iowa.
We're not wimps in Iowa; we like our hot peppers.

OK, back to corn. These are ridiculously long ears. As a farm kid I see this and think there's just something not natural about ears this long.

So I'll close with some award winning ears. The next time you drink a Coke, eat a taco, eat corn flakes or have beef, chicken or pork of any kind, think of this picture. This what produced what you are eating.

Santorum

With Iowa going first in the Republican calendar in 2012 it was not surprising to run into a potential candidate at the State Fair. Former Pennsylvania Senator Rick Santorum lost his last election 59% to 41% so his chances of becoming president are only slightly higher than mine.

He's feeling encouraged and says he is being pulled into the race.

Where I am NOT this summer

I had a great day at the Iowa State Fair. I hope to post about it tomorrow. As exciting as the butter cow is, I think Adrienne (mother of the Coke fridge) is having a better summer vacation. She posted this on Facebook:

Caption: "The sun rising over the Temple of Zeus this morning."

Oh, yeah? But can you put it on a stick? I don't think so!

Ok, I'll try not to be jealous.

Facebook safety shield

Tonight I learned a new value to FaceBook. I'll paraphrase from a friend:

"I'm an average looking guy. Women aren't knocking down my door. I had a four month sabbatical(meaning, no sex) since my last relationship but then I started seeing a new woman. It was like blood in the water and the sharks attacked. I had like 12 booty calls in two weeks. Because I actually want to pursue a relationship with my girlfriend I had to change my status on FB and the calls ended."

It's an age old story: When you want a relationship it will never happen. When you start one others suddenly express an interest. Now there's FB! With a simple change in status you are telling the world, "I am taken. Move on."

If I had had my expo markers on me I would have put a large X on his forehead before we left the bar.

*****

Somewhat unrelated is this story that only half of males are getting circumcised in the US anymore. Really? I've been snipped and pretty happy about it. I haven't asked friends what they are doing with their sons.... snip or no snip, I guess I am curious. Less that 50%? Wow.

Corn, sweetcorn, and popcorn

A native Iowa friend thought all farmers grew sweet corn. Since he was confused on the topic I'm pretty sure many others would be as well.

On the left is field corn. It's 99% of what you see when you drive across the state. It's hard, gritty and not something you'd want to eat. This corn is used to make corn flakes, sweeten Coke and make ethanol. It's also the main feeding ingredient for cows, chickens and pigs. It is quite literally the product that feeds the world.

In the middle is sweet corn. This is the stuff people love to lather up with butter and salt and eat off the cob. (Except me. I always cut it off the cob. I don't enjoy corn stuck in my teeth. Besides, you can eat it much, much faster that way.)

On the right is popcorn. The popcorn you microwave or get in the theater has much bigger ears... Smaller than sweetcorn, but much bigger than this. Dad has grown popcorn for as long as I can remember and he's been slowly but surely developing his own breeds over decades of careful management. (Meaning, he picks his favorite ears from each season to plant the next season.) His popcorn is very tiny and has incredible flavor. This is why I'm willing to dedicate half of my luggage space to popcorn when I fly to the Emirates; you cannot get dad's popcorn anywhere else.

Home

For all the pics in the next two posts it may help to click on them to see them in full size. I wish I knew how to get blogger to post larger pictures within the blog.

In this picture (from right to left) is the cob house, the house I grew up in, and grain bin. The cob house is where my grandparents stored corn cobs they harvested in the fall. They burned them in the winter to stay warm.

The enormous cylindrical building stores corn. The odd looking thing sticking out of it is a fan. When the corn is harvested it is too wet. The fans dry the corn to keep it from developing mold.

This picture is taken from pretty much the center of the picture above, looking back. It is just a fantastic late afternoon view.

Farm pics

Looking south from the homestead there's soybeans in the foreground and corn in the background.

Evergreen in the foreground, sweetcorn in the center and soybeans in the distance.

Pretty much the same shot but over a little. The patch of grass you see running up the middle of the bean field is called a waterway. In heavy rain the soil between the corn and bean plants can't hold all of the water. Waterways slow down the water and prevent soil erosion.

We have a mixture of trees on the farm. The older trees in the background are deciduous (lose their leaves in the fall) while the pine trees stay nice and green all winter long.

Years ago dad planted dozens of soft pine trees in our backyard. They take decades to grow to full height. A neighbor commented that Dad must have a pretty optimistic outlook on life to plant these at retirement age. I know it is his way of leaving the place better than he found it.

I was going to close with what I thought was a Ralph Waldo Emerson quote, "If I knew the world would end tomorrow, I'd still plant a tree." Apparently, I've made that quote up because I can't find it.

My apologies, Ralph.