The VP selection

I am enjoying the compressed VP sweepstakes. The only candidate who excites me is Pete Buttigieg. If you are limited on time simply watch the first minute of his appearance on Monday's The Daily Show.

Obviously, I am not his only fan. His greatest strength is that he is unflappable in interviews. He went on Fox on Sunday and more than held his own in hostile territory. 

In 2020 Pete's husband Chasten and Kamala's husband Doug became close friends. (Spouses have nothing to do backstage at the cattle-call events.) 

So will Pete be selected? My Magic 8-ball says "Not Likely." He has everything going for him except that he's gay. Is there a person who would be willing to vote for a Black-Indian woman but wouldn't because she has a gay running mate? Probably not. Homophobes and bigots run in the same circles so choosing Pete is not as risky as it may seem. 

Who will she pick?

Arizona Senator and former astronaut Mark Kelly would be the most logical choice. He is straight out of central casting and, as a border state senator, he has a position on border crossings that could help the ticket on their weakest issue. The problem? He's boring. I've watched several interviews and speeches. He is every bit as exciting as Tim Kaine. Who is Tim Kaine? He's the guy Hillary chose in 2016 who nobody remembers.

Minnesota Governor Tim Walz introduced us to the term weird to describe Republicans. I like the way he comes across. 

Pennsylvania Governor Josh Shapiro is the front runner AND the Harris campaign has announced that they will introduce the VP selection in Philadelphia - causing some to speculate that Shapiro is the choice. If there is anyone I am rooting against it's Shapiro. He hurts the ticket on the Palestine issue. (If Democrats lose Michigan this year it will be because of this issue.) 

The reverse Cramer

Tesla reported awful results for the second quarter and the stock unsurprisingly dropped about 15%. Shortly after CNBC's bombastic Jim Cramer said it is a time to buy. I won't bore readers with details, but I'm in the camp that this stock is still over-valued. Jim's has made many good and bad calls over the years. I agree with the first comment on this post:

The "Reverse Cramer" advises investors to do the opposite of whatever he recommends. 

For future reference the stock was at $222 when Cramer made this call. 

Related: The buyers of Teslas tend to be relatively affluent liberals. I wonder how many of them want to buy from a company whose CEO has endorsed and pledged millions for Trump. 

The economy is better than you've been told

 In 1984 Reagan ran for President heralding "Morning in America." This became his iconic ad:

https://youtu.be/pUMqic2IcWA?si=k8-HC0-01udVjp_B

Republicans went on to win 49/50 states. 

Let's compare 1984 to 2024.  

Unemployment rate:

• 1984: 7.5%
• 2024: 4.0%

Inflation rate:

• 1984: 4.3%
• 2024: 3.0%

You don't need a degree in economics to see that both employment and inflation are better in 2024 than it was in 1984. Will Democrats be able to go on the offense on this issue? I'm skeptical.

With the recent news that the economy grew at 2.8%, it's safe to say the economy is chugging along and we will most likely see the Fed slowly begin to cut interest rates in September. 

Passive-aggressive conflict

My mentor and his wife adopted a daughter who became estranged and in and out of alcohol rehabs for many years in adulthood. She had three daughters and was in no state to be able to care for them. The father wanted custody but was not capable either so it went to court and eventually custody was awarded to Grandparents Bill and Donna. 

The girls ranging in age from 3 - 9 were pretty messes up. One (the one this post is about) was a classic fetal alcohol syndrome child. The emotional baggage they carried was tremendously sad. 

Doc came to accept that he was never going to get the Porsche he had always wanted and went out to get a minivan. "I felt my dick shrink as I drove it off the lotc," he quipped.

Unfortunately, after a few 3(?) years of providing the basic levels of Maslow's hierarchy of needs Spellman had a heart attack and died a few months later. 

Donna was left with the unenviable task of raising 3 girls whose biological mother constantly tells the girls how evil Donna is... not ideal. As adults the two oldest have cut off contact with Donna. I end this post on a humorous story about the youngest (stay tuned). 

On a lighter note...

The post following this one is a sad tale...

So before that one here is a lighter story. Dakota Crosswhite is Doc & Donna Spellman's youngest adopted daughter. In 2007 she was crowned Miss Teen Iowa. Here is a news story from the time:

My story is from a decade earlier. Doc was dropping 1st grade Dakota off at school when a boy said to her, "I think I am going to steal your ball."

Dakota's immediate response, "I think I'm going to kick your ass."

With a teacher overhearing the interaction, Doc had to move Dakota away and try to explain how she shouldn't say things like that...

...but deep down he was beaming with pride. He loved her fierce independence.

*****

Dakota doesn't knows me as "Mr. Tater Tot" man. Once I babysat the kids. I offered to make Tater-Tot Casserole. I had run it by Doc... well turns out, the only thing the girls liked about it was the tater-tots. Doc knew they would hate it but thought it would be fun to see me try. 

Weight loss

At my heaviest I weighed in just over 230 pounds. For most of the past 20 years I've yo-yo'd from 200 - 220. Thanks to the Covid lack of taste I made it all the way down to 170 in 2020. I vowed then to never hit 200 pounds again. 

As I was dealing with gout basically March - June I removed alcohol, red meat, fatty foods, etc. from my diet. (Even removed caffeine, but I don't think that had any effect on weight loss and is a story for a different post.)

The result?

For any non-American friends, this is the equivalent of 71 kg. 

I haven't been in 150's since 1992. Back then I was in grad school and exercising (jogging or swimming) every day at the Fieldhouse at the U of Iowa. This current weight loss is not at all due to exercise. Thanks to the gout I haven't been very active. 

The good news? All signs of gout pain have been gone for a couple of weeks (knock on wood) and I'm taking Cujo for long walks. I am purposefully eating more because I don't want to be in the 150's. 

Abdelrahman

A year ago my friend Abdelrahman got married. He was my tour guide to Egypt back in 2012 and we have remained close friends. I am very happy for the couple.  

Abdelrahman noticed I wasn't being myself so last week he drove down from Dubai and we went out for dinner. As I have become a recluse, I very much needed his visit. 

Soon, like any day now, they are expecting to welcome a son into the world. Seeing good people have children warms my heart. I know he will be well taken care of by loving parents. 

Recluse

When I am down I shutdown. This has always been the case. (I have several stories to tell here but to give historical examples now will detract from the story I'm trying to tell here.)

In April it became difficult to walk thanks to gout (see the post below for details). That physical ailment affected me psychologically. I declined offers to see friends and I became a recluse.

Fortunately, a few weeks ago the gout subsided. Yay! Now I must claw my way back to doing things outside - long walks at night in near 100 degree heat with Cujo - and reengage my brain. The mental challenge has proven more difficult than the physical challenge.

I have a goal of posting to this blog regularly moving forward. This creative outlet is what I need to reinvigorate my mind.

There is much to write about what's wrong in my world but today is not the day to address that. Instead I'll highlight a shocker:

No alcohol, no caffeine and basically a low-carb diet have helped me reach a weight I haven't seen since 1992.

Hmm. The pic upload feature isn't working. The news: I weighed in at 165 pounds (75 KG).

Goals:

Talk to people I have been putting off, post to the blog every day, and take the steps to return to America.

Gout

 Gout is often referred to as an ailment caused by gluttony because it can be brought on by too much red meat and alcohol. 

Years ago I suffered with a bout of gout. It’s a pain in the big toe and its connecting joint that can make it hard to walk. Back then I was a poster child for gluttony: I weighed 230 lbs (bordering on Obese by the BMI) and I was definitely drinking too much. 

I cut back meat consumption & alcohol, drank lots of fluids to rid my body of the uric acid causing the inflammation. In a week or so I was much better. 

Last week my right ankle was bit by some nasty bugs while walking Cujo. I felt the bites and a rash and swelling started soon after. 

By Saturday the pain/scratchiness had subsided on my skin but I felt an odd pain had moved to my toe. 

On Sunday I could barely walk and it was unmistakably the same pain as the foot I had had years ago.  Here’s what is odd: I have been a good boy. Very little meat and no alcohol for the past month. In fact, the only alcohol I’ve had was my #MinnesotaSister Kiley giving me a wine cooler on a night at the desert with our dogs. 

And weight? I weighed in last week at 174 pounds. 

On Sunday I drank an insane amount of water, took nsaids and felt good on Monday. Cujo and I had a walk long enough that he was leading ME back home.  

Unfortunately, I woke up Tuesday with the pain having moved to my ankle and I can barely put any weight on it. 

I don’t know if the big bites triggered this bout; I simply hope it passes quickly because being unable to walk is not fun. 

Good Will Hunting and Mentoring

Robin Williams is remembered as the GOAT of comedians. David Letterman's tribute is here... Interestingly, Robin's Oscar was for a serious role in Good Will Hunting. (This is the movie that propelled Matt Damon & Ben Affleck to stardom.)

*****

On this day in 1942, Bill Spellman was born. He went on teach and coach football at Coe College where he mentored hundreds over the years. Not simply an academic advisor but a life mentor. 

Spellman was taken away from us in 1997 with a couple of massive heart attacks. I was honored his wife Donna allowed me to give the eulogy:

A key line in my eulogy: "Help from Spellman was born of compassion, not sympathy." Meaning, he wanted to help people, not express sadness for their circumstances.

*********

In 1998 the movie Good Will Hunting was released. In an early scene I realized Robin Williams embodies everything Bill Spellman was to me and so many others. And, to be clear, this is the scene that won Robin the Oscar, beating the odds on favorite Burt Reynolds for Boogie Nights. 

*****

I am, unbelievably,  now older than Doc Spellman was when he died. 

The final lines of my eulogy: "I've always believed the best thing you can say about a man is that the world a better place for his having been here... by helping us to be better people the spirit of Bill Spellman lives on."

*****

I am a truly lucky man to have had him as a mentor. It is because of him that I am in higher education. I hope someday someone is able to give a my eulogy and declare the world is a better place because I was here. 

What's love got to do with it?

Steve  and Michelle were HS sweethearts. Steve was the cool guy who played guita and Michelle was sweet cheerleader whose Mom a school secretary who quietly ran the place.

After HS they stuck together and eventually married. Everyone was happy for them.

At our fifth year class reunion Michelle and Steve seemed happy. As the party was winding down, we were all exchanging hugs. Liquid courage led Michelle to express a side of herself that she had been keeping back.

"Woah," Christine exclaimed, "I was not expecting so much tongue." 

Michelle had decided she preferred women over men. Within a year she divorced Steve and dropped contact with most from our HS.

I was happy to get her friend request on FB. It was good to reconnect. The surprise? She was married and had 2 sons.  Huh?

Happy for her and her family but I'm confused. 

*****

Dave has been married for many years. He gets along well with his in-laws and loves doing romantic things for his wife. 

The problem?

They haven't had sex in more than 4 years. Although I've never met her I did suspect she might be playing for the other team. When he finally confronted her she confessed she is probably bi or maybe a lesbian. 

I hope the best for the couple. 

It reminds me of this great scene from Sex and the City:

https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=bHBjjIC9Eq0

********

Which leads me to the question: Can a couple remain a couple if there is no sex?

Addiction

 We all have addictions.

Some addictions are a good thing. At one point I was programming Apple assembly language in hexadecimal. Had I pursued this path I would be a very rich reclusive geek now.

Some addictions are bad. Addiction to gambling can lead to very bad places. (NYU Professor Scott Galloway says its the number one cause of suicide. I'm not gonna take the time to fact-check him.) 

Two of my addictions are caffeine and alcohol. Years ago I went a few months without alcohol to see if: 1. I could do it, and 2. Are there any positive changes? The answer for me is that I could do it and I saw no measurable change in health.

My "Dry January" experiment in 2024 was to go without caffeine. I've ridden the caffeine roller coaster for years. My morning routine is to have a Coke Zero before I head to shower. After awhile I reach a point where I'm having six pack of Coke Zero and two coffees just to get through the day. So I'll go cold turkey off caffeine, endure a few days caffeine withdrawal headaches and then slowly reintroduce caffiene again. It's caffeine roller coaster and I've been riding it since high school.

Fun Fact: In college I went to every class with a Coke. I was known as the Coke guy even among those who never met me or knew me.

Deciding to go three weeks without caffeine was supposed to give me some insight. Is my life better without nature's energy elixir? Will I sleep better? Will I be more or less productive? What will be the great secret I learn from this experiment.

I wish I had some amazing insight. Here are my two take-aways. 1. No caffeine reaffirmed my belief that mornings suck. 2. I jerked off much less. 

I doubt I could get a paper written on that.

Iowa Caucuses - Winners and Losers

Winners

Trump

If you asked the Trump campaign what they wanted to happen before the caucus the answer would have been:

• Get more than 50% of the vote
• DeSantis comes in 2nd, taking away the “Haley momentum” story
• Win by the largest margin in Iowa Caucus history

Done… done… done… I do not see how anyone/anything can stop the Trump run for the nomination.

Ron DeSantis

By placing 2nd he lives to fight another day and has saved face to drop out in the future when he returns to Florida with his tail between his legs.

Iowa media

The news that $120 million was spent in Iowa is simply unbelievable. 

Joe Biden

Two reasons:

1. Joe Biden cannot beat Nikki Haley. He can beat Donald Trump. In the last few days Trump has given Democrats all the fodder we need to win in this cycle: Claiming with pride he gutted Roe v. Wade, dismantle Obamacare, dictator comment, etc. The ads write themselves.
2. The turnout in Iowa was only 107,000. That's pathetically weak turnout. 

There is no enthusiasm on my side for Joe Biden but it's hard to argue there is much enthusiasm for Trump beyond the MAGA base. 

Losers

Nikki Haley

Her big goal was to come in 2nd and claim this is now a 2 person race. Hillary was seriously wounded by coming in 3rd in 2008 in Iowa (Obama came in a powerful first and Jon Edwards beat Clinton by a few percentage points). Haley could go on to win New Hampshire and still will not be enough to make DeSantis drop out before South Carolina.

Vivek Ramaswamy

Spend $15 million of your own money to earn 8449 votes. That comes out to $1775 per vote. Vivek would have done better if he had staff at soup kitchens in Iowa offering patrons $500 to show up on caucus night. 

Caucuses

Only a little more than 100,000 people came out on Monday night. Those not from Iowa will blame it on the weather. Those from Iowa know cold weather stops nothing. Heavy snow? Yes Simply being cold? Nope.

Kim Reynolds

Historically, Iowa governors have remained neutral during the caucuses. Why? There is no upside in endorsing. She put her credibility on the line and got nothing for it. Iowa's Republican senators were smart enough to keep their powder dry. 

Bob Vander Plaats

Very happy my least favorite Iowan's endorsement of DeSantis didn't help. 

Republicans

Only 7% of the caucus goers were under 30.  That doesn't bode well for the future of the GOP.

Thoughts:

$120 million in spending means more than $1000 per vote. Contemplate that. 

These results have left me deeply depressed. Had the Haley campaign followed my suggestion of reaching out to Dems with nothing to do on Monday night she could have secured a 2nd place finish.

I wonder how Monday night could have different had Haley's campaign reached out to people like me: https://youtu.be/obf-VK7uwcI?si=JNWziHjk64EE0JPM

Why I hate trigger warnings for college students

Note: I teach adults. I do not teach children. The rules of the road for those under 18 are very different for those over 18.

Please watch this before you continue reading: Trigger warnings

I have never put trigger warnings into my syllabi and I am not about to start. By the time you start college you need to be ready, willing, and able to handle things you could not handle as a child. By the time you graduate from college you have to be ready to accept a world where there are no guardrails. You're on your own. 

A trigger warning is telling students that they cannot hear certain words... which is ridiculous. Suicide and mental illness is common in my family - it took out my aunt, uncle, and brother. I am not triggered if someone says, "Suicide" nor should I be. 

Where I am... and we really need to have a different word for this...where you are going to see me lose my shit: When someone uses suicide as a tool to manipulate people. 

To be clear:

The word suicide does not trigger me. It's how it is used that triggers me.

Early on in my time coordinating the intro to management class at UAEU I had a professor tell me he wouldn't teach the sexual harassment lesson to his students. I replied, "You will because we are AACSB accredited and the two elements of sexual harassment are very much a part of any introduction to management class. I guarantee it will be on the final." 

In some classes in America, students are being exempted from the classes where sexual harassment is discussed. 

Trust me on this: I've taught the basics of sexual harassment to almost 10,000 students. Several female students and a couple of male students talked to me outside of class to tell me the stories of their harassment. Not one burst out into tears as I discussed the subject and not one gave me a bad review. 

In other words? What's better than a trigger warning? Better teaching. 

PS - the former student who made this rant possible just let me know he's alive and well. I do not care why he left me hanging for a week worried that he killed himself. Life is too short to care about manipulative people.  (Yeah, it's best I do not work for a suicide hotline, but I digress.)

2023 Fall

 More important than anything you will learn in this class: Know who you'd take a bullet for, who you'd take a punch for, who you'd be willing to defend in public and who you'd walk away.

I am a lucky man because I have dozens of friends who love me. I'm not being bragging; it's true.

The reason they love me is simple: I have never lied to them. 

Am I capable of lying? Yeah, play poker with me... I know how to lie.

But I don't with my friends... it's just that simple. 

I lived for many years as a guy pretending to be someone he wasn't. In my early 20's I realized, "Yeah, this isn't working." So I moved to the 100% honesty model. 

It's not for everyone. Trust me, I've lost friends by being 100% honest. 

But that's OK. My world is not made better by "friends" who are my friend because I tell them what they want to hear. I want the friend to tell me what s/he really thinks. 

My friend Mohamed Saleh is a guy who:

1. Phenomenal athlete

2. Phenomenal entrepreneur

3. Close friend

I admire people who are gifted. Gifted at piano, science, sport, whatever. 

I'm gifted at storytelling and moderately gifted at all things tech. 

For me to return to UAEU and teach the capstone course (to students who had 3 years ago for the intro course) is kinda a dream come true. I love seeing how students have matured from when I saw them at the entry level. 

3 tickets

 Napolean Bonaparte: "Never interrupt your enemy when he is making a mistake."

In Iowa the Iowa State Fair is the main attraction for all Republican candidates. I love the State Fair. That I'm missing the cookies... everything you can imagine on a stick, and the view from the ski lift makes me sad I couldn't make it back home this summer.

Given that 100,000 Iowans come to the fair each day it is not surprising that every Republican running for President was there yesterday. On January 15, 2024 Iowa hosts the first test of the Republican nominating systerm. Iowa has a mixed record in choosing the winner of the Republican nomination. #TedCruz beat #DonaldTrump in 2016 and #JohnMcCain didn't even try to compete back in #2008... but... there is no doubt #GeorgeWBush would have never been President if it wasn't for his huge win back in 2000.

There are three tickets out of Iowa. Former President Trump will most certainly be getting one of those tickets. The question becomes, "Who else gets a ticket?

In the past I liked to create mischief - I caucused for Pat Buchanan in 1996 and Rick Santorum in 2012.  Neither Republican stood a chance in the general election so I was happy to support them to become the Republican nominee.

But the days of playing mischief are over. Democracy and the role America plays on the world stage is in question. 

On January 15th, Iowa Independents and Democrats have the ability to caucus with the Republicans. The question is, Who do we support?

I suggest we have 3 criteria that the candidate must meet:

1. Accept the results of 2020. 

2. Tell hard truths to the party - Climate change is real, vaccines save lives, supporting Ukraine is important, etc.

3. Support democracy going forward.

So who does that leave for us to support?

Chris Christie is not a good choice. He is a protest candidate with a singular mission of taking out the guy he once supported.

Doug Burgham -the governor of North Dakota is interesting but to be clear, the only area of expertise is energy. It's like he is running to be the secretary of energy more than he's running for President.

South Carolina senator Tim Scott is interesting but so far his campaign seems to be like Mitt Romney 2008... meaning, he knows he's not gonna win this time so he's running in the "I shall make no enemies so please keep me in mind in 2012."

I heard a great interview with former Congressman Will Hurd... but he's the longest of longshots.

Bottom line: We Iowa independents and Democrats cannot make mischief in 2024. We have to coalesce around a Republican who is sane. Democracy is on the line and we have the ability to help one of the sane candidates get one of the three tickets to the Republican nomination.

It's time to start the discussion.

TrueBlueIowan signing off for now.

Blocked memory

 My Aunt Leona - the beloved matriarch of our family - related a story to Miriam today about how badly abusive her parents were. Basically, on the night of her graduation Mom was beaten so badly that her boyfriend (future husband) removed her from the house and took her to stay with her best friend Miriam. (That my sister is named Miriam is not a coincidence.)

They were both 17 and in 1952 there was no protective service. Dad, as I alluded to in his eulogy, literally rescued Mom from an abusive household. 

Dad turned 18 and Mom turned 18 on August 11. Mom and Dad were married that day.

As Miriam told me what Leona had said I thought, "Umm, I knew this. Mom had told me this. Why on earth would I have forgotten that? (There was a piece of info in the story about Dad's father trying to help that I absolutely had never heard before.)

So we all know memory is a tricky thing. When your mother, your father (revealed after we resolved our differences) and aunt all tell the same story? It's fact. 

That I had that memory blocked says something about me... 

Anyhow, I'm now ready to finish Mom's eulogy and it will be done tomorrow. 

Eight Fights

 This American Life is a radio show/podcast that tells stories based on a theme. Usually it's about Americans. Episode 807: Eight fights is a story about Russian and a Ukrainian who have a son together. When war breaks out, what do you do with the son?

Masha Gessen writes for the New Yorker. She wrote and narrated this story about two of her longtime friends. It is the story of Nadia - a lesbian - who had a son with a gay male friend named Karen. 

If this seems confusing, that's OK. The hardest part for me was coming to grips with a guy named Karen. 

Nadia and Karen were living in Moscow when Luka was conceived. Shortly after he was born Mom and son moved to Kyiv. She raised him to be Ukrainian. Dad spent a month with Luka every summer and told him that Ukraine was a backwater agricultural state whereas Russia had the arts. class etc. This part of the story rang very true to me. As the True Blue Iowan, I see how my coastal friends look down on those of the Midwest, but I digress.

I won't give away anymore of the story. It's today's must listen podcast if you have the time.

Learning from loss

 In 1989 I ran for student body president as a sophomore. No sophomore had ever been elected to the office but I wanted to be the first. I'm arrogant... that's a given.

I chose a runningmate I didn't know well. She was a well-meaning person and I wish nothing but the best for Andrea.

My opponent in that race was Renee. I like Renee... let's be clear she is a phenomenal woman.

Renee chose Forest as her running mate and I knew... before any votes were cast... I'm fucked.

Why? Forest was a Phi Tau and the guy every str8 woman on campus wanted. So my opponents are a woman from the largest sorority and a guy who is part of the second largest fraternity but has ZERO enemies. I've never met a guy who didn't like Forest. He's the man every other cis-gender man wants to be, but I digress.

A year later, everyone knows I'm going to run. That's a given. This time I chose Tony as my running mate. Rather than run with someone who I didn't know well I chose to run with a guy I'd take a bullet for. If I win I win; if I lose I lose - my fall back was remaining as the chairperson of the student senate... a job I liked more than being student body president, but that's a story for a different day.

Tony signed on. Tony has two awesome older brothers. I was his adopted older brother at Coe. 

Tony took J-term to explore the southwest of the United States. Unfortunately, the election is being held while he is gone.

My opponents in my second go at the job: The biggest stud TKE and the biggest partier Coe has ever known. 

The difference? Before I entered the race I secured endorsements from, well, enough influencers that I knew I was gonna win this race. Losing sucks and I wasn't about to lose again. 

As I said to both Chuck and Dustin - "You are both studs but you're in my world and I'm gonna kick your ass."

Revenge of the Nerds 

Intelligent human beings learn from mistakes. I knew why I lost on my first attempt and I'm happy I lost. It set me up to run and win... and a mark of how successful Tony and I were? 

When he ran for student body president he had nobody running against him... which, I think, has never happened before or since. 

Sponsor

I think #AlcoholicsAnonymous is bullshit. I've read the #BookOfBill. (Most of the 12 steps are tied to religion and I'm not religious so it's easy for me to call BS),

The one element of #AA I do appreciate: The sponsor

The sponsor is the person you call when you are feeling weak. S/he talks you down from the moment when you might take another drink.

My friend Roy* is a former student. He's also a good friend. He quit drinking six years ago. It was the right thing for him to do. He didn't join AA he just quit; like Dad, but I digress.

Roy's hit a tough patch in life. Work issues, marital issues, social media issues... it easy to see how it could lead a man who has chosen sobriety to go back to drinking.

Because he's not in AA I've become his de facto sponsor; which is weird because I know I am an #alcoholic by the AA definition and I don't care. I am happy to be Roy's phone call when he is feeling the need to take a drink. I know it's his goal to not take that drink so I think I'm equipped with the skills to talk him back from doing something he'd regret. 

My favorite radio show is #ThisAmericanLife had an amazing story that made her famous. The problem? She was not an alcoholic. Here is the link... skip to Act 3: The Wisdom to know the difference  or check her page. 

I support Roy. He's a good man. I chose Roy as the psuedonym for my friend because I admire the Roy Kent character in Ted Lasso. 

*Name changed to protect his identity... given his recent issues on social media there is no way I'd use even his first name.