Day of giving... day of gratitude

In the multiverse the chances of me ending up at Coe were low. My eyes were too bad to do the Air Force Academy so majoring in meteorology at Iowa State was my plan. Then I met Bill Spellman at Coe. I knew that day in the summer of 1985 that I was coming to Coe to major in Economics... but this post isn't about Professor Spellman. But it is about Coe.

I am not good at knowing when to express gratitude and who to thank. I am blessed with awesome mentors and besties. They know who they are... but have I made sure they know how much I appreciate them?

What about complicated relationships? The most complicated relationships in my world are with my siblings. The one year I worked with Upward Bound was enlightening. Stick with me here. I'll connect the dots.

Upward Bound is an awesome program that used to be run out of Coe College. I volunteered for them when I was student and came to work for them in the summer of 1993. I was excited to be in Voorhees Hall which had just been renovated so we had air conditioning in the summer. Previously they stayed in Greene Hall - my hall. As an RA I was the last to move out and my bestie's fiancée came and had a conversation with me while I was showering.  I later said to Rahul, "Well, you've never seen me naked but Audrey and I had a great conversation while I was washing up."

Connect the dots, Steve... connect the dots...

The students in Upward Bound come from crazy families. Hearing their stories made me realize that even though depression and substance abuse runs deep in my family - brother, aunt and uncle committed suicide - I actually had a pretty good childhood. None of us kids ever worried about a roof over our heads or food on the table. My cold distant German father made sure of that. Dad and I reconciled our differences before his death; for that I will always be grateful.

How is this connecting dots?

Although I was 39 before I truly understood Dad's philosophy when I did it hit me like a ton of bricks. He cried. I cried. Dad didn't cry. Again, his standard is cold German. 

You do your best for the people you love. 

Sounds simple, but we all know it's not. I've morphed his philosophy to "know who you will take a bullet for and walk it backwards." 

When my mentor Bill Spellman died then Coe President Jim Phifer said he admired the fierce loyalty of Billy's gang.  If you want more on that scroll back to an earlier episode of this vlog.

Land the plane, Steve, Land the plane.

I can't buy stock in Coke because I want to love the product and not be upset at the stock price. 

The best addition to Facebook was the "it's complicated" feature to describe relationships.  That's me with Coe College. As much as I love the place they've also screwed me over, more than once. They also screwed over a few other people I'd take a bullet for so... yeah... it's complicated.

What's different now? None of those people are in power. The guy in charge... the President of the college is my friend Dave Hayes. Dave is a good man. I could give you a thousand reasons why I know that it is true but I won't. Simply know I cried with joy when he was promoted. I felt the better about my alma mater than I have felt in decades. 

As a fellow member of the Dismal Science (it's what we economists like to call ourselves we are part of a club. For those of us in the club... the ones taught by Spellman, Wu, and Vaidy there is a bond.

Seriously, Kranz, land the fracking plane.

Today is Coe's day of giving. It is with gratitude and love for my alma mater that I am happy to give back. It is an institution facing tremendous headwinds but it made me the man I am today so thank you Coe. 

The road not traveled

The tl;dr -I often ponder the road not taken.

I grew up as a #MissouriSynod #Lutheran. This is the most conservative branch of #Lutheranism. Women aren't allowed to touch money and #EarthDay is evil because the earth is here to serve us. To celebrate Earth Day is tantamount to creating a false idol. In 8th grade Pastor Mueller took me aside and asked if I would consider becoming a Lutheran Minister. My answer was a definitive NO. 

My earliest childhood besties were all #Catholic. I won't tag them but if they read this, they know who they are... I admired the Catholic Church's commitment to the poor and downtrodden. Specifically, I admired the #Jesuits. They are dedicated to making the world a better place.

In Lutheranism you are confirmed in the faith at 14 and you're given a #Biblical quote the Pastor has chosen specifically for you. Mine? Matthew 19:30 "But many who are first (on earth), shall be last (in heaven). Many who are last will be first." I am not sure what message Pastor Mueller meant for me but it's a quote I remember. 

#PopeFrancis, the most famous Jesuit, was asked by a shy boy if his non-believing father was in heaven. Despite his lack of faith the father had all four children baptized. The Pope asked the crowd assembled if God would abandon a man who cared so much for his children. "NO!" the crowd yelled back. 

I considered becoming a Jesuit Priest for my final professional act on this planet.

****

Journalist John Dickersen, formerly anchor of the CBS Evening News now at the Atlantic, recently interviewed Father James Martin. Father Martin wrote, "Work in Progress: Confessions of a Busboy, Dishwasher, Caddy, Usher, Factory Worker, Bank Teller, Corporate Tool, and Priest". He undersells himself as a corporate tool; as a graduate of Wharton School of Business at U Penn? He had to have been pretty amazing to have simply gained admission.

As a Jesuit Priest Father Martin is a man of the cloth who understands the real world better than anyone. He is not a raging Commie like the Missouri Synod views Catholics. He is decidedly pro-capitalism.  President George W. Bush liked to extol the virtues of "Compassionate conservatism." I doubt Father Martin considers himself a conservative, but I digress. 

Father Martin had a #CrucibleMoment while working at #GeneralElectric, specifically #GECapital. For more on Crucible Moments I refer you to a book written by Professor James Kelley. Father Martin, "When we are more vulnerable, God is able to break in."

"I'm a Jesuit who happens to be a writer. So I'll write maybe an hour or two in the morning... I find it a pleasure. Why is that? Well, first of all, I don't have to make a living off of it. So if the book does well, great, if it doesn't do well I am still going to eat. Second, I don't consider myself a writer. I'm a Jesuit who happens to write. And, third I have another job... I am not an academic writer so I don't have to worry about it being well reviewed or peer reviewed... Finally, I can write about what I want to write about. So I'm really lucky. I mean, since the money goes to the Jesuits... I never have writer's block... it was a total joy." 

Father Martin Founded Outreach Ministries. You can find him on X as @JamesMartinSJ. John Dickersen can be found on #Threads as @JDickersen. 

You can find me considering becoming a Jesuit.

Mentors and grief

We all process grief in different ways. That's to be expected when talking about a loved one. It's definitely more complicated when it's the mentor who you would have given your life for without hesitation.

February 19 was Dr. William Spellman's birthday. When he died I was honored his wife Donna allowed me to give the eulogy. I later had to explain to my Dad why connection to Bill was beyond friendship, beyond family... but that's a story for a different podcast. 

Linkedin is platform dedicated to nonstop performative congratulations.

Fortunately, the algorithm has learned that what I want to see is my fellow professionals sharing insightful information or helping others advance their careers. That's why I am on this platform.

My message here? I am lucky; my mentor knew how much I loved him before he died. 

My request to anyone reading this? Reach out to your mentor and make sure they know how much they meant to you. Having me around him was meaningful for him but trust me on this, he needed to hear from others who loved him half as much as I did. A few messages from previous mentees would have made Bill's last few months 1000x better.

Boycott

 The best FB feature was the addition of the “It’s complicated” when it comes to relationships. 

ProfG, the NYU Stern School of Business, is an amazing man and he’s also a self-absorbed prick. Just ask him.

Fall 2020 the podcast he hosts with Kara Swisher began blowing up. He said in an episode, “Kara, do you realize we are #6 in the UAE?” 

I sent him a message, “Hey ProfG, ProfS here. The reason you’re #6 is that this country is not into podcasts and I am making hundreds of my students listen to Pivot.”

****

Like me, Scott was triggered by the events in Minneapolis. Seeing Alex Pretti assasinated made me lose my shit. If you’ve seen Requiem for a Dream, when the addict can’t get enough dope they start tweaking and the screen fritzes. I went almost 60 hours without sleep so I was seeing the fritzing. BTW, my brother died from heroin. So yeah, it’s a drug I will never do, but I digress.

*****

Scott has created a website: https://www.resistandunsubscribe.com/

Scott believes the only way to get the Tech Oligarchy to pay attention is to do a temporary boycott - the month of February. Find ways to reduce your addiction to them and they will wake up. See Jimmy Kimmel for proof.

How do I know this can work? I’ve been trolling Apple CEO Tim Cook on X on this topic and he blocked me. A man I deeply admire for rewriting the rules for Supply Chain took the time to see what I wrote and blocked me. Fascinating.

Again, my relationship with Scott is complicated. For the purpose of this mission? He and I are on the same page. Find a way to be part of the #resistance. If it scares you to think you may be losing some of your favorite shows? Send me a DM. I can hook you up. - Steve

My first CAFAA meeting

"Hi my name is Steve and I'm an addict."

"Hi Steve!"

"It's been 2 hours since my last drink. Over the last year I've come to realize how addicted I am. I tried cold turkey. I tried weaning myself off. Nothing has worked. It's cost me productivity, relationships with friends, and more hours of sleep than I can count. No matter what I do I simply can't shake it. That's why I am here today."

*******

I have an addictive personality. It's why I have never tried cocaine. I would love to try it but a friend said, "You do it once and you'll be stealing from your Momma within weeks."

The addiction I thought would be my ruin was alcohol. Then again, I'm not dead... yet so alcohol may well prove to be my arch nemesis. 

For today? Today I have come to grips with the fact that I can never safely have another Coke Zero. While that may seem like no loss let me tell 'ya... if God said, "Ok, for the rest of your life you are able to consume alcohol or caffeine without any side effects. You choose which."

I'm grabbing a pot of coffee and dumping a 2 liter of Coke Zero in it.

*******

I've ridden the caffeine roller coaster for decades. When I get too addicted I could go turkey, feel like shit for three days and start the fourth day with a pot of Columbia's best. Rinse and repeat.

I'm also an insomniac. For years I blamed it on my aunt Ruth taking to see the movie Coma. A 9 year old shouldn't watch people be induced into comas to harvest their organs. "Nighty-night. It's ok Steve, nobody will do this to you..." I saw it again a few years back and it is awful. Some movies don't hold up over time, but I digress..,

Anytime an insomniac tells someone of their affliction the response is a list of home remedies. They mean well, but in the age of google there is nothing they can offer me that I haven't already tried.

Obviously there is a link to caffeine and like most people I became more sensitive as the years went by:
Late 20's - no coffee after 12
Mid-30's - no coffee after 12, no Coke Zero after 4
Mid-40's - no coffee after 10, no Coke Zero after 2
Mid-50's - one cup of coffee, no Coke Zero in the afternoon
57? - No sleep for Steve if drinks more than one Coke Zero

*******

In all previous google searching I had not read of anyone reaching this level of caffeine sensitivity. It turns out that I'm not alone but it's very rare. I'm sad but not angry. Realistically, all those years of drinking a dozen full corn syrup Cokes per day should have given me diabetes. I dodged a bullet there. 

So don't cry for me Argentina but the next time you enjoy an icy Coke Zero on a hot day think of me drinking shitty Diet Caffeine Free Coke. I want to wish you well and I want a fly to land in your drink.

*****

Scratching your head wondering why the post is titled CAFAA? I didn't realize there was a group for my fellow caffeine addicts... until today. Say hi to the newest member of https://caffeineaddictsanonymous.org/

Joking... I despise 12 step programs but that's a story for another day.

Life is weird.