I've been working on writing eulogies for my parents because, Pastor Rempfer gave horrible eulogies for both and, well, I'm the writer child so I need to give it a go. This is the first draft of what I want to say for Mom:
Oh, where to begin…
There is a saying that parents stop having kids when they
reach perfection. As the fifth and final child of Joyce and Merlon Kranz I’d
like to think that was true… but my Mom wanted me to know that had abortion been
legal in 1968 I probably wouldn’t be here.
If that joke seems harsh, buckle up butterbup.
Mom worked for a lawyer so for her 25th wedding
anniversary she served Dad with divorce papers… very publicly in front of all
of his coworkers.
For my 21st birthday she took out an advertisement
in the college newspaper, “The friends, classmates, and fraternity brothers
regret to announce that Steve’s 21st surprise birthday party has
been canceled due to lack of interest.”
Basically, if you know me? You know Joyce.
Now let’s get serious for a moment. Mom grew up dirt poor
with alcoholic parents. As a teenager she’d babysit and by the rules of her
parents she had to leave the money she was paid on the kitchen table when she
got home. Rarely did she get to use it for herself.
Mom did catch a lucky break when she met a tall good looking
man named Merlon. While I am 90% of Joyce in personality, I am clone of my
father so calling him good looking is self-serving and I’m OK with that.
Mom and Dad eloped on Mom’s 18th birthday – literally
the first day they could get married without parental permission.
Like me, Mom was the extrovert’s extrovert. She worked for a
lawyer in the back of the bank by day and bartended on weekends not because we
needed the money… mom needed the people.
All parents want a better life for their kids… with Mom it
was “I want a better life for you but I also want to keep it real so anytime
you think you’re hot stuff I’m gonna take you down a few notches.”
Mom insisted us kids come to the Amana Colonies to celebrate
their 59th wedding anniversary. I was like, “Why? Why not do something
big next year?” Mom said, “I won’t be here next year.” This is the same woman who announced at a
family reunion in 2004 that she had less than a year to live. Spoiler alert,
she lived 7 more years. After she made that announcement I asked her, “What are
you going to say when you’re back here next year?” I was not her favorite child
that day.
Anyhow, we all gathered for the 59th wedding
anniversary. Les than 2 weeks later she was hospitalized and Dad and I spent
the day with her… My sister Miriam asked, “Do I need to come down?” To which I
was like, “Nah, she’s gonna be OK.” The next morning I woke up to a phone call
from Dad, “Joyce is dead.”
I am a lucky man. I got my father’s good looks and my mother’s
irascible personality. On their 55th wedding anniversary I was
conducting a wedding… I’ve reverend Steve in case you didn’t know… asked them “What are the keys to a successful
marriage?” Dad said, “Have lots of outdoor projects.” Mom said, “Have a good
sense of humor.”
Dad’s job was easy, we lived on a farm so there was no shortage
of outdoor projects. And for Mom, she kept her sense of humor to the end…
literally cracking jokes with the hospital staff less than 24 hours before she
died.
Is the world a better place because Joyce Kranz was on this
planet? Absolutely… because if it weren’t for her you’d have never met me.
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