What's in a kiss?

I am not into kissing. I was raised in a cold German family. We didn't hug, let alone kiss. My first girlfriend loved kissing and to me it was like an obligation to make her happy... 100% certain I sucked as a kisser and have no idea why she stayed with me.

Well into adulthood I have discussed the fact I am not into kissing... doesn't rock my boat... doesn't make me see stars... doesn't do anything that those who love kissing say it does for them. Sucks for me, I guess.

But honestly I am ok with not kissing. I went to therapy for awhile and the therapist basically told me that my lack of desire to kiss is me having intimacy issues and I'll never be happy so long as I am not comfortable kissing. He may have been right but paying him $150/hour to tell me something I already kinda knew didn't seem like a good investment so I stopped going.

Over the years I have had countless female friends hear me say this and said to me, "You simply weren't kissing the right woman... Let me make out with you..." Umm, no. (For the record, countless is an exaggeration but more than a dozen is not an exaggeration.) 

It's the conversation with men on this topic I find more interesting. I have Str8 male friends who have said they are with me... solidarity brother... "I make out long enough that my partner is willing to have sex" is their mantra. 

One time I'm with a married male friend... it's just the two of us... he poured his heart out to me about his doubts in his marriage, how he is scared about becoming a dad, etc. Since he made himself emotionally vulnerable I felt the need to reciprocate. Unfortunately for me I am the extrovert's extrovert. I have no secrets. If you are a tech geek I am what is known as WYSIWIG (What you see is what you get)... so I told him about my issues with kissing. A few drinks later I get up for the bathroom and he literally jumps me, pushes me against the wall and starts kissing me. Passionately.

What's going through my mind:

1. Really? Gaydar never went off on you. I am surprised.
2. You are married and have a child on the way. What would your wife think if she walked in now?
3. Yeah, like I said, kissing does nothing for me... so you forcing yourself on me is not changing my mind on this topic.

The events in the story above are about a guy who is still married, their daughter (who was an embryo during the events I am describing) is now a college graduate. Life is weird.

Fast forward to just a few years ago... and it was pretty much a repeat situation. A very close Str8 male friend felt the need to stick his tongue down my throat to convince me that kissing is awesome. 

My thoughts after round 2?

1. I am not, never was, never will be offended. Some would label what they did as assault. It wasn't... it was a drunk/high friend trying to let me know what I was missing out on.
2. I never once was worried for my personal safety... I was not stoned and not really even drunk... if I needed to fight them off I was not worried.
3. If I am 100% honest I'd have to admit I was flattered. Never in a million years would I have expected this from either of them... so I guess that is somehow a win for Steve? (Really not sure about that)
4. It has made me rethink date rape and all I can think about is the awesome Oscar Wilde quote, "Everything is about sex, except sex. Sex is about power." The thing I talk to my Str8 male friends about, "Have you ever worried about being over-powered and forced to have sex against your will?" The answer is always an incredulous, "Of course not." 

My response? "Well, most women have had that worry so consider yourself lucky." 

*****

Today I watched a movie (recommended to me a decade ago)... It's not a great movie so I won't recommend it.. you can pick it up at 1 hour and 3 minute mark. All you need to know is that the protagonist (the guy with dark hair) is a Str8 hustler willing to have sex with any man so long as the money is right. Then he meets a guy who simply wants to kiss him... and that's how the rest of the movie plays out... and for me... with my background... made the movie fascinating.