"Hi my name is Steve and I'm an addict."
"Hi Steve!"
"It's been 2 hours since my last drink. Over the last year I've come to realize how addicted I am. I tried cold turkey. I tried weaning myself off. Nothing has worked. It's cost me productivity, relationships with friends, and more hours of sleep than I can count. No matter what I do I simply can't shake it. That's why I am here today."
*******
I have an addictive personality. It's why I have never tried cocaine. I would love to try it but a friend said, "You do it once and you'll be stealing from your Momma within weeks."
The addiction I thought would be my ruin was alcohol. Then again, I'm not dead... yet so alcohol may well prove to be my arch nemesis.
For today? Today I have come to grips with the fact that I can never safely have another Coke Zero. While that may seem like no loss let me tell 'ya... if God said, "Ok, for the rest of your life you are able to consume alcohol or caffeine without any side effects. You choose which."
I'm grabbing a pot of coffee and dumping a 2 liter of Coke Zero in it.
*******
I've ridden the caffeine roller coaster for decades. When I get too addicted I could go turkey, feel like shit for three days and start the fourth day with a pot of Columbia's best. Rinse and repeat.
I'm also an insomniac. For years I blamed it on my aunt Ruth taking to see the movie Coma. A 9 year old shouldn't watch people be induced into comas to harvest their organs. "Nighty-night. It's ok Steve, nobody will do this to you..." I saw it again a few years back and it is awful. Some movies don't hold up over time, but I digress..,
Anytime an insomniac tells someone of their affliction the response is a list of home remedies. They mean well, but in the age of google there is nothing they can offer me that I haven't already tried.
Obviously there is a link to caffeine and like most people I became more sensitive as the years went by:
Late 20's - no coffee after 12
Mid-30's - no coffee after 12, no Coke Zero after 4
Mid-40's - no coffee after 10, no Coke Zero after 2
Mid-50's - one cup of coffee, no Coke Zero in the afternoon
57? - No sleep for Steve if drinks more than one Coke Zero
*******
In all previous google searching I had not read of anyone reaching this level of caffeine sensitivity. It turns out that I'm not alone but it's very rare. I'm sad but not angry. Realistically, all those years of drinking a dozen full corn syrup Cokes per day should have given me diabetes. I dodged a bullet there.
So don't cry for me Argentina but the next time you enjoy an icy Coke Zero on a hot day think of me drinking shitty Diet Caffeine Free Coke. I want to wish you well and I want a fly to land in your drink.
*****
Scratching your head wondering why the post is titled CAFAA? I didn't realize there was a group for my fellow caffeine addicts... until today. Say hi to the newest member of https://caffeineaddictsanonymous.org/
Joking... I despise 12 step programs but that's a story for another day.
Life is weird.
