Is kindness cultural?

New Yorkers are rude, right? Can we agree on that? But many of the "rude" New Yorkers come from elsewhere and the environment of New York can make anyone rude.*

Since visiting Nepal I have wondered how an entire population can be so incredibly nice and polite. A friend - and recent Coe grad - connected me to Kamal. Kamal graduated from Coe last year and is in grad school at Iowa. I met him at Devotay, an Iowa City restaurant owned by Coe friends of mine.

Kamal explained a lot over the delicious chicken salad and mushroom soup. I had a hundred questions and many of them were on the theme: Why are Nepalis so incredibly polite? Kamal's answer is that it is rooted in the version of Hinduism/Buddhism that is practiced in Nepal. While I'm not a world traveler I can tell the difference between, "I'm being nice to you because you are a tourist and we want your money" and real politeness. While the Nepalese we met wanted our money there was underlying politeness that makes me want to go back.

My biggest regret of the day was not carrying a pad and paper and taking notes. A few take-aways:

• Why Coe, literally on the other side of the planet? When he was searching seven years ago the internet in Nepal was slow, making research difficult. His guidance counselor recommended a few places in the midwest including Coe. While Kamal was accepted to both Coe and Grinnell, Coe gave better financial aid.
• Kumal was separated from his family at the age of 4 to go to a Catholic boarding school in Kathmandu. Later Ann asked me, "Did they try to indoctrinate him into Christianity? Put on Christmas pageants, etc.?" I don't know the answer.
• As a Brahman (part of the highest caste) he is not supposed to eat beef or pork. Lower castes are allowed pork. Each caste has rules of life. For example, Brahmans are to shower every day.
• Kamal is from Chitwan. Chitwan was my favorite part of the trip. Pics from Ann here, Chitwan daily life, workers end their day, savanna, local village, elephant breeding center, jungle, jeep safari into jungle, jungle trek, and rhino sighting.
• As a son, his father must get his approval before he can sell any property.
• Hinduism and Buddhism (in Nepal) are completely intertwined... which makes sense given what we saw when we were there. Kamal explained that they were almost interchangeable until outsiders started asking questions and trying to create a distinction where none existed before.
• On behalf of an American friend in the Emirates I asked about mytia (don't know correct spelling). The organization is trying to keep young Nepali girls from being exploited - promised a great life in India or elsewhere and taken from the family only to end up working in a garment shop or as a sex worker. Apparently, the work of mytia combined with the increase in literacy has virtually put an end to this tragic practice.
• Nepal has very little patriotism because people identify with their region or whoever provides their paycheck more than they do the country. Given the level of poverty many sign up to fight for foreign countries. Nepalese are known as fierce fighters, although that fierceness may be due to the money owed to the family if the warrior died.
• He had very little culture shock upon arriving in the US thanks to a western education and watching American TV/movies. He was a bit surprised that many women were not as professionally oriented as he expected. Given the lack of stay-at-home moms on TV that's not surprising.

We discussed the politics of Nepal at length. Knowing/understanding the influence of the Maoists is interesting to me and Kamal was able to weave a story that made sense. (We heard nothing but negative things about the Maoists when we were in Nepal making it hard to believe they could legitimately win an election. Kamal was able to explain the monarchy tension and Republican-esque exploitation of nationalism that swept the Maoists into power.

* I was supposed to be going to New York this week. Some problems with the car I'm driving combined with expensive rental car rates killed the trip. So I'm trying to rationalize that I'm better off not seeing those rude New Yorkers!