McDonalds

I have little hope of losing weight while I live here. They don't sell Cherry Coke Zero so I drink Coke most days. And I have fallen in love with the McArabia. It tastes like a chicken gyro. I have no idea why McD's doesn't sell the Chicken Big Mac and the McArabia (renamed, of course) in the US.
I don't see the veggie Pizza McPuff catching on!

Speed bumps

Count how many you go over today and I'll do the same.  Let  me know your results.

Worker bees

A fellow Sigma Nu sent this question: 

I have been building a couple of things for my apartment and Amanda's house, so are there hardware stores where you're at? Could you go out and buy a gallon of paint? Or get yourself some 1x12" pine boards and sinder blocks to build a dorm bookshelf? These are things I have taken for granted growing up in a family that has done many home improvement projects around the house.

Yes, there are hardware stores and *IF* I were handy I might use them. 
But I don't.
Moving an apartment's worth of stuff?  Hire helpful Indians.  Cost?  $80.  I tipped them an extra $80 because they were great and helped me (did it for me) hook up the appliances.
Need to drill in the wall to install new curtains?  Done for $10/curtain.
In 2004 Mom gave me new curtains for my house in CR.  They are still not up.  If I had someone to do it for me for $10 they'd of been up four years ago.
**********
Please be like Peter; send me questions.

You can't get there from here

I live two blocks from my office, which also happens to be 2.6 miles.  The blocks here (roundabout to roundabout) can be quite long.  They divide the city into neighborhoods.  There are roughly a dozen neighborhoods and as you navigate the city signs at the roundabouts indicate which neighborhood you are entering.
For that reason few people refer to street names here.  They reference neighborhoods or roundabouts in giving directions.  When I told the cable guy I live on the corner of Shakboot and Al Awwal he gave me a blank look.  I followed by saying, "On the Prowzenick roundabout..." 
Because the city is divided by these long stretches I have found myself seeing where I want to go but having no idea how to get there.  Once I parked my car and walked across the street to Hardees because I figured it would be easier than driving there.
In Dubai today we found ourselves on the wrong side of Zayed (the main road connecting Abu Dhabi and Dubai.  A relatively simple task - get to the other side of the road - took over 30 minutes.  Even when we could see where needed to go we couldn't get their due to construction.
I'm still debating whether I like the roundabout system here better or worse than our streets in the US.  There are certainly advantages to both systems. 
The "you can't get there from here" feeling is a definite negative.

Not in Kansas anymore, Toto!

You know you live in a strange foreign land when Hardees makes the best hamburger and the BMW drivers are NOT the biggest pricks on the road. Here that title would have to go to the drivers of the Land Cruisers. (Although the various Lexus models also believe road rules are meant for other drivers.)
80MPH on a city street? No problem. Enter a roundabout with oncoming traffic? No problem, “I drive a Landcruiser, they will move for me or get run over… either way I get to where I want to go.”
The trip from here to Dubai or Abu Dhabi is worse; the Landcruisers and Lexus (Lexi?) routinely run 120 -130 MPH. The speed limit is 72 MPH.
Speed is monitored by radars that registers a ticket that the driver knows nothing about until s/he pays for the car registration the next year. In two months I have yet to see a single cop pulling someone over for a traffic violation.  The radars are no deterrent for those with family in the police force or enough money not to care.

K... as in "Kolumbia"

I moved into my apartment last Friday.  Everyone else in my building has cable and internet up already.  I do not.  I have called Etisalat (the monopoly phone, cable, and internet service here) and, well, it was quite an experience.
In verifying my username "Skranz" the guy said, "S as in Sam, K as in Kolumbia..."
The hardest letter was "z".  He thought it was a "v" or a "d".  I later learned that the letter z is pronounced differently here.  Go figure.
The bottom line is that I still don't have internet and have no idea when I'll get it.

Paging Larry Craig

A little over a year ago Idaho Senator Larry Craig announced to the world that he's not gay, he just has a "wide stance" in the bathroom. He didn't comment on why he peered through the cracks in the door or ran his fingers under the divider between the stalls.
I bring this up because, I... uh... (I can hear you thinking, "Where in the hell is he taking this?")
OK, I'll get to the point: Since arriving in the UAE, I have developed a "wide stance." You see, most toilets here have a nozzle hose that can be used in place of toilet paper. Apparently a lot of people like using the spray (many bathrooms don't even bother to stock toilet paper).
The result is a puddle on the floor in front of most toilets. I have a wide stance to stay clear of the water.
I'll try not to peer between the cracks or run my fingers under the stall divider...

"Take away, please"

Every person working fast food is a non-native English speaker.  When I order food "to go" they look at me like I'm from another planet.
One replied, "No sir, you must take your food."
I've never given it much thought, but saying, "I'd like my food to go" doesn't make much sense.

You know you've sat in your office too long...

... when you have heard three calls to prayers.

Hardee's

We stop by Hardee's for dinner. The restaurant is great - clean, well-lit, etc. Music is playing rather loudly.

The song? "She f*cking hates me."

Not a single person in the restaurant seems fazed by the lyrics.

Haunting experiences

Since I’ve arrived I have had two experiences that I can’t shake. I haven’t blogged about them because I don’t know that I can do justice in words.
First, one Friday night (holy day, the equivalent of Sunday in the US) Ann, Mike, and I go to shop at Carrefour (think Wal-Mart). The place charges $.25 to get a shopping cart. When you take the cart to the parking lot and return it properly you get your $.25 back.


As we took our cart back a guy stopped and asked us if he could take the cart back.
Umm, yeah, sure.
The guy works ten hours a day, in the heat, six days a week. His one day off is Friday. He spends his Friday walking the parking lot to take any carts back to get the $.25. In an hour he’d be lucky to make a dollar (most shoppers don’t have carts and those who do see the cart returns nearby and would refuse him).
Knowing that he undoubtedly walked two miles to get to the mall just adds to the rock in my stomach.

2. Living in the Hilton I was lucky to have two great house keepers. In talking to colleagues not all were as fortunate. My last housekeeper came to Gwen, next door, in tears. She had orders to be deported. She apparently had a spot her lungs (TB most likely) and had to leave. She revealed to Gwen her pay: 750 dirhams per month. That’s $200 for working 6 days/week for 10/hour days. I’ll do the math; it’s less than a dollar an hour. I had been giving her a tip of 20 dirhams ($5) each week and Gwen was as well. She upped it 50 ($13) in the last couple of weeks. I had no idea our tips were a significant source of her income. She was great and using her income to support her family back in the Phillipines. Now she returns home and suffering from TB.
Ugh.

Hilton

This is the front view of the hotel. On each side is a large "Hilton" sign. I wonder if Paris pulled up in front of this place if she'd know it was one her hotels.


I was quite certain that taking pictures in the pool area was an arrestable offense. (No joke.) So I snapped this quickly. The pool has a slide on the far end that is nasty. I love water slides. There's nothing to love about this one.

In 53 days of living at the Hilton I have visited the pool exactly 3 times. I have no idea why I haven't been there more. I can see the lap pool from my balcony. Yesterday I was on the phone with Ann while looking down at the lap pool. A woman changed her entire bikini. She was pretty old and overweight, but it was like a car wreck; you couldn't help but watch.


Probably most of my closest friends do not know that I have claustrophobia. As a kid I would hyperventilate on elevators. When I was very young our family went to St. Louis and visited the Arch. I pondered what it would take to walk up the stairs rather than get inside the little pod that takes you to the top.

While teaching at Hamilton there was one room that I told the registrar to not even consider putting me in. It was a very small classroom that to me the walls looked like they were closing in.

I write all this to explain the elevator you see background. I live near that elevator on the third floor. (They call it second floor here, but that's a different story.)

In the month I've been in this room that elevator has been under repair at least 25% of the time. When it does "work" it does some fun things.

One day it took me to the first floor and the doors wouldn't open. I had to pry them open to get out.

Another day it took me almost to the first floor and stopped. It was about a three foot drop so I tried to pry them open again. Then it started moving to the top floor (7th story). At the top floor it stopped again. I kept trying to get it open but didn't have enough time to get out. The elevator started dropping... and dropping fast. I looked at the people in the courtyard to see if any of them noticed the elevator was in free fall but nobody looked up. The elevator stopped abruptly six inches from the first floor. I pried the doors open and got out.

There's another set of elevators in the old section of the hotel that are quite efficient. They don't bother to wait until the doors are completely closed to start moving.


This has been my home. I did nothing to clean it up for this photo. I believe in blogging purity.(!)


The balcony is great. As the temps have cooled down it is wonderful to stand out there and see... oh, wait, I already told the story of the woman changing the bikini.

By the numbers

Days in the hotel: 51

Room charge: $7556

Meal charges: $1940

Internet charges: $326

Laundry: $155

Total cost: $9977

If half of that had been applied to my housing allowance I could have moved out of the Hilton a month ago.

Change please

I have mentioned this before: It drives me nuts to buy things in this country. The bill is seven dirham. I hand the checkout person a 10. "Do you have 2 dirham, sir?" NO! You are the one with a change drawer. How about giving me my change!

So far I've been able to politely respond, "No, I'm sorry. I don't."

Today I ordered food that came to twenty two dirham. All I had was a 100 bill. The fact I paid with a hundred didn't phase the checkout woman. The fact I didn't have two dirham did.

She handed me change and only handed me bills. (Single dirhams are coins the size of a quarter.)

Imagine going to a store and having a bill for $5.50. You hand the clerk a $20 bill. The clerk only hands you back paper money.

I didn't complain because they gave me more soup than I was supposed to get... so who cares if it cost me $.50 more...

Well, much to my surprise when I checked my change they actually gave me back 80 Dirham.

Imagine, "The bill is $5.50. Oh, you don't have $.50? I'll just charge you $5."

Thought for the day

I live in a country with no rivers.

It's a thought didn't even occur to me until I was talking about the flooding in my home town this summer. I repeatedly used the word "river". Finally a student stopped me. In this country there are "Wadis" which are dry creek beds. If there is rain the wadis fill temporary... and empty quickly.

The concept of a river is complete foreign.

*********
The picture is above is from Fall 2005. I'll post more later. That fall was the most colorful fall in recent memory.

One day's trash

Imagine seeing this at an American oceanside park. Fortunately, the Emirates employs teams of worker bees to clean this up each morning. By 8AM nobody would ever know it looked like this.

Shark Roundabout

I have only been driving for two weeks but I have come to appreciate roundabouts. They are great for traffic flow in low-to-moderate traffic intersections. Some of the roundabouts have interesting statues in the center. This is one from our trip to Fujairah.

Roadside market

Along the road there are a couple of markets like this one. I would love to buy some stuff but, 1. I have no home, and 2. I HATE bargaining. Hate it, hate it, hate it!

Roadtrip!

Living in NE Nebraska I learned that not all of the state is as flat and boring at the Platte River Basin along I-80. Living in the UAE I have learned that it's not all desert.
Here's a sign as we leave Dibba wishing us a good bye.

These pictures are on the way back from Fujairah (and Snoopy Rock). Ann's friend Debbie was our host and was a terrific host. Unfortunately, I have no good pics from our time together.
The ocean is to the right, mountains to the left.

Tea Tree Oil

The pictures below do not justice to the distance Snoopy Rock is from the public beach. By the time I made it out there I was dead. I had a brilliant thought, "Try resting by hanging on to the rocks around Snoopy."

The tide moved the water up and down 3 feet and slammed me against the rocks. In vain I tried to get a good grip. In the process I sliced my thumb, index finger, legs, forearms... well you get the picture.

I continued to snorkel because the view was stunning.

After having my head in the water for 10 minutes I looked up and realized I was 30 yards away from Snoopy Rock headed in the wrong direction. The undertow was taking me out to sea.

The realization that there are no lifeguards and my level of exhaustion caused a momentary panic.

Obviously, I made it back in. After I emerged from the water I realized how much my thumb and legs were still bleeding.

************
Over dinner I told this story to a colleague. He said, "All that bleeding and you saw a shark in the water? You are lucky."

Gee, I hadn't even thought of that.

Meanwhile he gave me Tea Tree Oil (something I had never heard of) to serve as a natural antiseptic for my cuts.