What happens when I pose life's questions on FB

Last night I posted a simple statement on Facebook:

A friend wanted something I had but was no longer using. He couldn't afford it so I gave it to him. Several months later he sold it. This bothers me but I don't know if it should. Opinions? Does it matter if the used item was worth $250?

I had no idea this would generate 50+ responses.  I so wish I could post a link to it here for the two blog readers who are not on FB, but hey Mike and Matt - get on FB!  

The initial responses were basically calling my friend an ingrate.  Then came a comment from a college friend who - like me - grew up reading Dear Abby.  Abby was adamant that a gift is a gift is a gift.  Once you have given it be happy for whatever joy/utility it brings to the person.  If that meant selling it, so be it.  Why not be happy for the person?

As the comments progressed more came along the "gift" lines.  Then my Republican friend Karey had to give me the low blow that this experience is slowing moving me to her side.

*****

The story condensed to just a few lines for FB is real.  It was not, however, the story of one person.  I could have written this about at least four - if not five - people here and several back in the US.  

So the issue is not the people I have given things to, but rather me:  Am I "that guy" who gives things and wants the constant thanks and reminders I gave it?  I sure hope not.  Do I give away too much?  Am I trying to compensate for the 10 year old me who had no friends?

In the past couple of years I have felt as comfortable and secure as I have at any point in my life... which is to say my bundle of insecurities have been contained.  Yet, these are moments where I think, "Oh, yeah, Mr. Confident?  You are still that child who doesn't look forward to recess because you fear not having any friends to play with."

*****

Tonight I received this text from a close friend who assumed my post was about him and.. well...

"I enjoyed reading 52 comments about what kind of person I am.  I don't get such a chance every day.  I will get money to you tonight and the remainder I owe I will get to you next week.  As always it is hard to tell how much I really owe you because you have done for me things that I can't estimate their value in money.  So I will pay you what I know you gave me and be thankful for the rest."

My heart sank.  We spent an hour messaging back and forth.  He made the point that he wished I had come to him before posting this on FB and I agreed he was right, but the issue was not really him but me.  I ended with:

The bottom line is that my life is better with you in it.  I think you feel the same way.  That's all that really matters. The rest we can work out later.

I like the idea of "paying it forward."  It is what parents do naturally for their children.  It is most certainly what Spellman did for me and hundreds of others.  If I can help a friend I need to see it as "paying it forward" and not get worked up about getting credit.

In other words, I need to be a better person.